Answering Review Request: TitanBorn

Rhett Bruno asked me to review his novel "TitanBorn". It is a post post-apacolyptic, space science fiction, buddy cop story. I will examine Plot, Characters, and Polish before assigning a grade.

PLOT

I like the prologue. The prologue has good foreshadowing and the characters create this sense of impending conflict. It also sets up the Ringers/Titan Born as sympathetic by providing their POV first thing. Without this first piece, the conflict would be less grey and the climax and resolution make less sense.

The main narrative is also good. I generally don't like first person narratives because they come off to me as awkward or self-conscious without a frame narrative. In here, Malcom Graves starts his narration by talking about the ultimate result of the mission, which makes this whole story basically a flashback and then he narrates further flashbacks, including a transition sentence between the two layers of flashback. I thought it was clumsy, but then I reached the ending, and that's when I discovered the frame narrative. With that discovery, my opinion of the first person narration improved.

The plot is basically a Buddy Cop story, but IN SPACE! One is a veteran who works on experience-based intuition and the other is a fresh graduate who works on data-crunching logic. They have been assigned to work together by the head of their company to track down the organization that both bombed and stole something from New London. Naturally, they butt heads and bicker all the way, but their boss thinks they can make a fantastic team.

While I think some aspects of this setting are ridiculous, it is generally well put together. For instance, cities on Earth are all built in a line instead of a sprawl because this is supposed to keep things scattered and less vulnerable to another meteor. I think this would be impractical to live in, and difficult to maintain. I just ignored it. On the other hand, the constant push to spread humanity to other planets and moons of gas giants makes more sense, given that this society has developed the necessary technology centuries ago. It also ties into the plot's conflict; the underpinnings for it.


Like Star Trek, it has a "future racism" sort of thing. The kind of discrimination going around in the 21st century is no longer relevant. Instead, the most significant form of social intolerance is between those born on Earth and those born in other places, particularly those as far away as Saturn. Those born there are referred to as "ringers" by others, and they take this as a slur. They prefer "Titan Born", but Malcom at least sees this as the sign of superiority over others given their attitude.


When I neared the end of the book, I didn't think Mr. Bruno would be able to close it without a cliffhanger or something open ended. I was incorrect. This is a great ending. It is both resolved and unresolved at the same time.

CHARACTERS

Malcom Graves is a veteran "collector" which is what this story calls "bounty hunters". He is cynical, slovenly, sarcastic and has been busting heads for Pervenio Corp for decades. He's the oldest collector to do so for two reasons: 1.) he's good at what he does and 2.) he's a thrill seeker. At the start of the story, his boss gives him a vacation as a punishment.
Aside from a collector, Malcom is a father. The flashbacks universally include or refer to his daughter Aria and how he messed up their relationship. On the one hand, he clearly loves his daughter and tries his best to prepare her for adult life, but on the other hand, he's a single dad and his only skill set involves tracking people down and killing/arresting them.

Zhafft is a fresh graduate from the Cognent Initiative. This is an academy Pervenio runs for unusual individuals. It trains them to maximize their natural strengths while ignoring their handicaps. Zhafft, for instance, is heavily implied to be on the Autistic Spectrum. He doesn't understand sarcasm, metaphors, and typical human relationships but he does understand deduction reasoning, mission parameters, and numerous forms of combat. He's also a living lie detector.

It's a Red Oni/Blue Oni partnership.

As stated in the grey morality at the top, there is no Big Bad. In fitting with Malcom's cynical mindset, what we have here are anti-villains fighting each other. Only one person in this story has a motivation other than "follow orders", "follow the money" or " Revenge!" and that person enables this plot's starting conflict.

POLISH

I found maybe one typo. The book looks good.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Titan Born" a B+

Click here for the next review request: Plaint for Provence

Click here for the previous review request: Sky Ghosts

To read the review for the sequel, "From Ice to Ashes", click here

Sassy Saturday: Tiza the Tank

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here: Her Majesty’s Ordercraft Security and Compliance Team

The context for this post: An S-class monster (think "kaiju" like Godzilla) has attacked Roalt in the middle of the night and Eric runs out to make sure his friends are ok. Then one of them makes a heroic appearance.

_____________________________

Fireballs fell from the sky and peppered the road all around them. The only place of safety was the small circle created by Eric's barrier.

“Pay! Definitely pay!”

“Then keep your mouth closed and hold on!”

The Tazul shook itself and spread a hailstorm of scales all over the city. Each one was bigger than a human and heavier than an orc. I can't dodge all those! Eric looked for any kind of cover. The Arsenal Lodge was just up ahead. It was built like a fortress. He pushed himself faster as the scales fell; one to his left, one to his right, one in front that he swerved around only to find himself running straight into a fourth!

“DYNAMIC ENTRY!”

Boom! A leg of steel kicked it just hard enough to divert its path away from his head and into a cart behind him, which shattered instantly. The knightly figure landed and fist bumped itself. Eric was about to thank them when it grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the Arsenal Lodge.

“Stop gawking, Dimwit!”

The forge was undamaged in every way. Although the scales fell all around it, none of them so much as scratched the glass. Ax Arsenal himself was playing chess with his son at the register counter. Both of them were decked out in the best equipment he had in stock.

“Stay here,” he said without looking away from the game. “You'll be safe.”

“There's an S class outside!” Eric shouted.

“I have faith in my merchandise.”

“But it’s –”

“I have faith in my merchandise.”

“But thoow! Did you have to do that with a gauntlet?”

“You would have splattered without me, idiot!”

“I was worried about you! Where's Nolien?”

Tiza opened a compartment above her pteruges and pulled out a scry. “Where else would he be?” Eric rushed back out the door, but she grabbed his tunic collar before he could build momentum. “Slow down, Leroy Jenkins. You need more than orc toenails if you're going out there.”

Eric appraised his armor and realized that he wasn't as quick as he thought. The armor, as tough as human bone, was chipped in places, cracked in others, and all over scorched by the fire. Reluctantly, he decided to wait while Tiza picked out replacements. She walked the aisles and picked up the highest quality and most expensive armor off the shelves.

“By the way, what's that thing on your arm?”

Eric lifted his arm and the kid rose with it like a leech.

“A thief I found on the way here.”

“Okay.”

Tiza set the armor on the ground and nonchalantly began to disarm him.

“Hey!”

“Hold still. This won't take long.”

After taking off the ruined armor, she snapped, laced, and buckled the new armor in place. She was remarkably efficient. It was the same practiced movement as a squire. Didn't ladies in the Grisly Tales do this for their knights...? Tiza’s more like a knight herself…

“Done!” She looked over her shoulder at the blacksmith and his son. “You don't mind, right?”

Ax moved a piece. “No. Go ahead. Bring them back when you're dead…done.” His son fidgeted. “I meant ‘done.’”

“Okaayyy.” Tiza placed the frozen-with-fear thief off to the side and secured him by bending a spear about his waist. “On that cheery note, let's go!”

The two mercenaries ran outside with Tiza taking point. Eric followed Tiza as she led the way to the Heleti General Hospital in Healer Town where they would find Nolien. She brushed aside fire and debris alike in her mighty armor. It not only protected her from attack but also amplified her mana reserves and focused her power. Eric wore the same set and it made him think he could wrestle a Cecri or blow away a xethras.

As they ran down the street, they spotted civilians threatened by the monster’s rampage. There was a man pinned in place by a fallen cart and children trapped in a corner by a meteor’s flame. The two shared a glance and went to work.

 Tiza grabbed the wrecked cart and hoisted it over her head. The man crawled out from underneath and Tiza tossed it down an alley. Then she hoisted the man himself onto her shoulders. All the while, she told him that it was Tiza Sprial, Dragon’s Lair warrior, that was saving him.
___________________________________________________________________________________

                                                 

Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at Amazon

To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit its Tvtropes character sheet.

The next Sassy Saturday post is Bureaucratic Battle

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Sassy Saturday: Her Majesty’s Ordercraft Security and Compliance Team

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here: Forged by Fire into a Queen

The context for this post: Eric has been attacked in Roalt Castle by someone using animated armor as flunkies. After Kasile's sentinel defeats him, she sends in a team of specialists to investigate the armors.

Anyone who can tell me what their names refer to gets a digital hug.
_________________________________________________________

The sound of five pairs of boots distracted Eric. A group of five young women tore down the hallway and into main hall. They wore light armor made from silver-grey metal and studded with red-gold emblems. Their chest plates, gauntlets, and greaves were decorated with the royal Ataidar Crest. Around their waists were segmented skirts made of four plates with each plate representing an animal from the Avatar Alliance. Around their foreheads was a circlet bearing an Eye of Order crossed out with red-gold. Each of them had a different hair color, yet all of them had strands of silver-grey mixed in; they reminded him of Kallen's strands of golden-brown. When they saw him, they stopped and said, “Trickster's Choice.”

He slouched. “Yes...What about these guys?”

One of them stepped forward. Eric assumed she was the leader by her more ornate armor. She also had the least grey hair among the five and the rest was a shade lighter than the golden-brown of elves. It was shoulder length and covered by a transparent red veil held in place by the circlet. She produced a badge that depicted the Eye of Order imprisoned in the claws of Ataidar’s Crowned Tiger.

“I am Kimberly Johnson, leader of Her Majesty’s Ordercraft Security and Compliance Team. Please step aside and allow us to perform our jobs.”

“Sure.” He turned around and Kimberly spoke up again.

“Please stand by because I will need to debrief you. Also, don’t try to cloak yourself because I will still be able to see you.”

“Sure.”

Kimberly turned to address the other four. “Taylor Jones, Daniela Cranston, Thuy Kwan, and Jasmine St. John, you know your specialties. I want to know everything about these armors in five minutes. Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

They dispersed to check each body. They ran a scanning device over them and jotted down the readings. They traced with their hands and eyes for reasons that Eric could only guess. Only sparingly did they use the eldritch light of Order. When they finished with one suit, they switched to another. The fifth kept watch over Eric. She sized him up with a mixture of suspicion, curiosity, and disappointment.

“Your hair is solid red.” Not sure what else to do, Eric nodded. “He'll change that soon enough.”

Tasio wants to change my hair color?

An ethereal hand descended on his shoulder and another settled on his head. Shadow Dengel stood behind him and his shroud draped over him. I have figured it out. You never will.

Order's power leaches the color out of their hair as it does everything. Eric answered to remind himself and not because an arrogant figment of his imagination challenged him to. Chaos' power stains what it touches golden-brown because that's what chaos looks like inside a world fruit. Kallen has it because she was in the Siduban Chaos Explosion.

The four ordercrafters consulted with each other, then stood and returned to their leader's side like planets orbiting a sun.

The black-haired one, Taylor Jones, stepped forward. Eric noted that her hair was unusually long for a soldier, down her back. He also noticed that her bangs were as even as a ruler, and two side locks came down to her shoulders. She saluted and said, “This humble one traced the metal to a mine in Anich and it was likely processed in Liclis before being shipped elsewhere. There are no identifying marks other than the runes.”

The redhead, Jasmine St. Jones, stepped forward. Her hair was short enough to be a crew cut. She saluted and said, “I determined the runes to be standard ordercraft for creating automatons with extra for deflecting or negating mana. Absorbing runes are not present. If someone wanted to make anti-mage weapons, these would be effective.”

The brunette, Daniela Cranston, stepped forward. Her hair was in a braided tail. By now, Eric was putting a puzzle together. This was the fourth distinctive hairstyle and hair color. She saluted and said, “As for me, I can’t find any trace of necro or soulcraft. They’re purely automatons. The only thing animating them was their control crystal. It is unlikely that anyone has worn any of these suits.”

Is it deliberate? Let’s see…Ordercrafter means Order philosophy which means….

The blunette, Thuy Kwan, stepped forward. Her hair was in a bun. She saluted and said, “My evaluation can confirm that because I sense no hostility in these suits. Nor do I not see a connection to Epideus or his lieutenants. They were either enchanted by an impersonal force like Latrot’s Grand Obelisk or an unregistered and stoic ordercrafter.”

 “I see,” Kimberly said. “The fact that a common thug had access to this technology will assist Her Majesty and Abbott Tolis in their media war against King Epideus. My thanks to you all.”

They put their hands over their hearts and said, “We only seek to fulfill Her Majesty’s will.”
___________________________

The next Sassy Saturday post is: Tiza the Tank

Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at Amazon

To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit its Tvtropes character sheet.

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Print Version Reflections on A Mage's Power

As of this writing, I am 147 pages into the print version error checking of A Mage's Power. This is out of 476, so I've got a ways to go left. I'm just looking for technical errors; anything that might have been missed in the proofing or stylistic things (Painting the Fourth Wall) that were removed.  I have to restrain myself from content errors.

A Mage's Power is the first novel I ever wrote in addition to being my first piece of original fiction. Naturally there are mistakes content-wise because of this. I did not have the experience to see that issue with pacing or this issue with character development etc. nor was I aware that I needed beta readers to provide prospective. Now, several years and two books later (three if you count Journey to Chaos book 4), I see things that I didn't earlier. For example,

During Eric's first mission, he tries to light a fire by clanging rocks together instead of using a fire spell that was in one of the early chapters of his spell book.  As it is now, the event is one more thing for him to berate himself for. There is plenty of that already; I over did that point. With time and distance, I see the merit of reviewers who found Eric annoying. Instead, I could have had him succeed at lighting the fire as a small confidence boost. It wouldn't have changed the plot but it would have made his character arc a little smoother.

 Instead I made up something later about how his staff didn't like fire magic because it was made from a drought plagued tree. This fact only comes up again twice and once as a joke. This means Eric can't use his staff for fire magic ever and while it serves the purpose of forcing him to work without "training wheels" sooner, this plot point is poorly developed.

I would like to make these changes but doing so would mean adding first draft quality material into the polished product. It would take a lot of time and potentially money if I had to order more professional proofing, formatting etc. I might not like the changes when they're done, which would put me back where I started.

Thank you for listening. Now I return to error-checking.

_____________________________________________________________________________
A Mage's Power, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at Amazon. Right now only ebooks are available but in time all of them will have print versions.

To learn more the Journey to Chaos series, visit its Tvtropes page.

Sassy Saturday: Forged by Fire into a Queen

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here: This is Deathkiller Bow

The context for this post: Kasile has summoned Eric and his team to her castle in order to give them special missions. After a separation lasting months, Eric sees how she has changed now that she is a queen instead of a princess.
______________________________________________

Basilard approached the throne, dropped to one knee, and bowed his head. The novices followed suit, except for Tiza, who preferred to stand. The area immediately around her suddenly became stifling and she became so faint her knees buckled, at which point the temperature dropped.

 “Team Four of the Dragon's L

air, Your Majesty. How may we serve you today?”

Kasile indeed looked majestic. On her head was a crown of gold with a ring of star-white pearls orbiting a ruby the size of a grapefruit. Her brown hair shimmered like silk and the streaks of fire red gleamed in the sunlight. Her gown was tailored to her form from the high neckline to the bodice and full skirts; the bottom of her throne was swamped by them. It was a rich red in color and outlined with gold thread at the hem, waist, sleeves, and neckline. A royal blue slash with the royal crest was bound to her waist. Her hands were adorned by white gloves that reached to her shoulders where they disappeared into the gown’s sleeves. These overlapped the gloves and tapered to a point that resembled a tongue of fire.

 More than her clothes, her demeanor had changed. She sat straight against her throne, hands clasped in her lap, looking slightly down at them. Eric didn't remember her being so...regal. Princess Kasile always had a twinkle in her eyes, but the eyes of the queen were cold. They flickered like the fire of someone burning at the stake.

There was a lot of cleaning up to do when a coup failed. He would know because she told him all about it last night. After she prevented Selen’s power grab by force of arms, she hunted his accomplices. With Siron’s help, she arrested, tried, and punished all of them. That sort of trial-by-fire hardened her into a woman who would order executions without hesitation or doubt. At the end of the week, many of the upper echelons of Ataidar's government were empty.

She's no doubt monitoring their replacements.

“I have a special mission for each of you.” Even her voice was different. It was a clean and beautiful blade unlike the cutesy-but-proper tone she affected before. “Mr. Bladi, your mission is in the Research Tower. The Royal Mage has need of a consultant for his latest project. He claims it will lead to a breakthrough in the treatment of mana mutation. Your clan specializes in a related field, and so I hope you will be able to advise him in the proper path he should take.”

“I'd be honored to assist such an esteemed mage.”

Her gaze turned to Tiza and the girl stood a little straighter. “Ms. Sprial, the new recruits have been complaining about training in the increasingly cold weather, so I want you to pass out hot chocolate to ease their burdens.” Before Tiza could protest, she continued, “You may use any other means you find necessary to encourage them to take their training seriously.”

Tiza grinned like a maniac. “You know me too well, Princess Tent Burner.”

“That's Queen Tent Burner!” Nolien hissed, then paused, then face-palmed. “What am I saying!?” Eric and Tiza chuckled, but Kasile didn't curve a lip.

“Mr. Heleti, I –” Kasile began and, to the shock of all, Nolien interrupted her.

“Forgive me, Your Majesty, but my surname is 'Iteleh.' I was only born on Heleti lands.”

Kasile arched a fine eyebrow. “I assumed it was a typo. Heleti spelled backwards, as if The Trickster altered the registry.”

“That must be it, Your Majesty.”

 Kasile smiled like the tiger on her sash. “It would explain why the heir to one of Ataidar's Four Pillars is in a mercenary guild. The Trickster loves having fun with us, doesn't he?”

Nolien stiffened and seemed to shrink under her words. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“You are the team's healer, correct?”

The tension lifted and he replied again. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Good. It would be embarrassing for both of us if you weren't. The Royal's Healer's assistant is absent today and so he needs you to fill in. Can I depend on you?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Mr. Watley. Your mission I must discuss in private.”

An adviser stepped forward. “Your Majesty, I must object to this! Alone with a mercenary –”

“That defended the Crown.” She turned her face in his direction and her eyes narrowed into silts of fire. “I hope you are not implying something about Mr. Watley's character.”

The man paled and kowtowed. “No... Your Majesty.”

“Good.” Her eyes returned to normal. “I'm glad my adviser is showing respect for guests.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” The human returned to his place in the entourage.

Kasile arose from her throne and beckoned Eric, who arose from his kneel and followed her into a private chamber. Two guards closed the door behind them and the instant she was out of sight, she clutched Eric. It wasn't a welcome-back hug. She buried her face in his neck, exhaled, and tension evaporated by the bucket. It was a needy hug. All her royal dignity was gone; she was just a girl that that needed a hug. Eric held her as long as she wanted. Her body was warm against his own, very warm. Being queen must be harder than she thought.

________________________________________________________

Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at Amazon

To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit their Tvtropes character sheet.

The next Sassy Saturday post is Her Majesty's Ordercraft Security and Compliance Team

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Sassy Saturday: This is Deathkiller Bow

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here: Dangerous Grunt Work

The context for this post is that Eric has finally reached Roalt, Ataidar, and reunited with his school friends. When the school day is over, Eric learns that an ordercrafter has been stalking Annala. To assure him that she has it under control, she brings out a special weapon.
_______________________________________________________

 “I guess that would be useful for evasion, unless he used Interdict to prohibit such casting, but I doubt he has the power or authority to do that on his own. In any case, it would be a useful set-up.”

She reached into a pocket and pulled out a charm shaped like a quiver. She said the words “heavenly change” and it became a full-sized quiver filled with arrows. She pulled out a second charm shaped like a bow. She said the words “heavenly change” and it transformed into a full-sized longbow. It was gleaming white from end to end, with golden runes engraved on its surface and wrapped along its length.

“This is a Death Killer bow. It works as a function of channeled life energy infused with chaotic energy; the first is in opposition to death anti-energy and the second is the primordial energy of which the universe is made and can be destroyed. The filigree work as compressors for the instant rune algorithms that control the energy flow when the string is pulled. Said algorithms are braced by information slots that can be filled and cleared as needed based on the enemy involved and, in doing so, bypass a number of defenses that could otherwise allow the target to negate the arrow's force or otherwise hinder its trajectory. I created it to destroy reapers and so it should prove effective against a mere divinely enhanced human.”

“Eric, translate!” Revas demanded. “She's explained five times and I still don't get it.”

“It uses special energy to attack its weak point.”

“Ooohhhh...”

Annala wrinkled her nose. “‘Special energy' is a gross over-simplification but correct.” She cleared her throat. “Revas, Oito, as you can see, I have this situation under control, so you can go to the chem lab. I bet Norej has set a welcome prank for you by now.”

“That two-faced jerk! I’ll get him for that!”

Revas ran out the door with Oito quickly following.

Annala giggled. “Shall we go?”

Eric placed his hand over his heart and bowed his head. “Rest assured, Lady Annala. This mercenary will escort you safely home.”

She giggled again. “I’ll withhold your pay if you don’t.”

They left the school side by side and mingled with the other couples. The fact that they were together was a bigger topic of discussion than the fact that they had weapons out. Eric kept his staff ready and Annala kept her bow in hand.

There was no trouble for several blocks, not even traffic. Crowds parted when they saw The Trickster's Choice guarding a female elf. This picture joined the others on the Internet and a couple Chaosians declared it an omen and threw up their arms in prayer. All the attention made Annala uncomfortable so Eric sought to divert it to himself. Holding his staff high with one hand, he demanded peaches and noble titles for his service in escorting the priestess of Lady Chaos, Golden Cicada! This made Annala smile and she paused her scry conversation to add something.

“For the record,” she said to the crowds, “I am not seeking any scriptures on chaotic enlightenment.” Then to the person on the phone, she continued, “That's your job, Auntie H...”

When they were five blocks away from the school and seven from Annala's apartment, the trouble began. Eric felt it as a wave of intense spiritual power. It made his hair stand on end and opened the pores in his skin. He never felt something this powerful; not from Basilard, a veteran mercenary, and not from Dengel, a legendary elfin mage. He gulped and held his staff in a defensive posture. After two more blocks, they found him. Nulso Xialin stood between them and their destination.

He was a middle-aged human man, but his sickly pale skin made him look undead. He wore his platinum blonde hair in a low ponytail and it draped around his neck like a collar. The irises of his eyes were pure silver grey, and the eyes themselves were sharp and focused on his elfin prey. He stood a good foot taller than she. His clothes looked stiff enough to serve as armor and an old-fashioned camera rested on top of his coat. He was further protected by a bubble of eldritch light encompassing his body and soul. It made Eric’s skin crawl. Annala cowered behind him.

“You can't hide from me, Golden Hair. Today, I will solve your mana mutation problems.”

“Her only problem is you,” Eric declared.

“Don’t you know? Elfin shapeshifting is a controlled mana mutation and she can’t do it. She hides from this problem like she’s hiding from me.”

Annala stepped out from behind Eric and notched an arrow. It pointed at the ground, not at Nulso. Nevertheless, the bow glowed as it powered up and a magic circle appeared beneath her feet. Eric recognized only a handful of the runes, and they were “bypass defenses,” “empower,” and “kill.”

At once, the street cleared as civilians moved into buildings and off the street. Nearby stores closed and homes locked. All of them knew that a fight between an elf, the Trickster's Choice, and an ordercrafter was bound to be destructive. Others watched from windows and balconies. They knew that such a battle was bound to be entertaining. The only business still open was a popcorn vendor.

“Who’s hiding? Leave me in peace!”

Nulso spread his hands in an open gesture. “Your arrow can’t hurt me. Come with me and I can help you. Otherwise, something bad will happen to your mortal friend.”

Annala smirked. “Thank you for threatening him. Ataidar has very good self-defense laws.”

She released the arrow and it pierced Nulso’s bubble like a shroud. It lodged in his chest and discharged its payload of magic power into his body. While he didn’t shout, it was clear he was in great pain from the grimace he made.

“Cute and Intelligent Elf Girl: 1. Lame Order Drone: 0.”

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Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at Amazon



To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit its Tvtropes character sheet.

The next Sassy Saturday post is Forged by Fire into a Queen

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Journey to Chaos Print Version Process

I've been wavering on the issue of creating print versions for The Journey to Chaos series for some time now. The paper book business looked so much more complicated than the digital book business that I didn't want to get involved. Then I read a thread in a novelist group I frequent that was basically titled "Are paperback books worth it?" The answer was a resounding "yes" with examples of how they can be used beyond "selling from Amazon/one's website" etc.

I started the process a couple weeks ago. It's basically like doing the whole thing over again. There were things I didn't know about that caused delays.

 

I knew that a different cover was needed  but there are some other image problems that I have to fix before I can move the process forward. Create Space, for instance, requires that all images be 300 DPI. This is supposed to make for optimal printing. The cover illustrator I work with knew about this and so sent me a perfect thing to upload, but the map maker did not (because I did not) so I had to re-commission it.

 

The manuscript needs to be formatted differently than an ebook so that's a separate file from the editor. This means I have to do the post-proofing check again in addition to any other stuff that might be there but shouldn't, and make sure it looks right. This could take a month or more if I want to continue writing Journey to Chaos book 4.

 

There's also the Create Space website. I spent an entire Saturday learning how the first part worked and troubleshooting the technical errors that it found in what I uploaded. Hopefully experience will ease the process going forward.  

 

That’s the current status. I hope to have print versions of A Mage’s Power available soon.

Answering Review Request: Sky Ghosts

Alexandra Engellmann asked me to read her novel "Sky Ghosts: All for One". It is an urban fantasy about the secret war of superpowered heroes and villians. I will examine Plot, Character and Polish and then assign a grade.

I am reviewing the third version, which as of this writing, is the most recent one.

PLOT

Jane and Patricia (A.K.A. "Pain") are a pair of Sky Ghosts. This is an organization of humans with superhuman abilities that fight crime in New York city. Lately they've been fighting a war with a rival organization, the Sky Beasts, that's led by a rogue member. At the story's onset, Jane and Pain rescue a pair of civilians from a group of Beasts and take them into protective custody. This is because they overheard that the Big Bad is terrified of one of them for some reason and wants that guy dead. So the Sky Ghosts keep both safe while they try to figure out what's going on.

It's a good start; David encountering Pain while she is at work chopping heads off and is shrouded by darkness. It is a mysterious action-y scene. Thus it is a successful Audience Surrogate introduction. The exposition that follows is long but also interesting. However, that's where it ends.

The bulk of the plot is the four of them ( Jane, Pain, Chad and David) hanging out at safe houses waiting for something to happen. It's either an attack from the Big Bad or a development in the Big Good's investigation. This movement is sluggishly pushed along with a I Have Your Wife which leads inevitably to the You Said You'd Let Them Go/I Lied combo. While I say Tropes Are Not Bad, those are annoying and when they are a plot's backbone, it rankles.

Because there is so little fighting between the opening scene and the climax, the book can feel like a romance with an action veneer. In other words, an excuse plot to force two pairs of the opposite gender to stay hidden in a small place for days at a time. The romance is slow roasting and has its cute/sweet moments, but I don't know the cause of it other than this forced togetherness.  The extended epilogue supports this view as it is more concerned with Chad's relationships than the mission of the Sky Ghosts.

The final confrontation is resolved by a hunch. It sounds like a Deus Ex Machina. I understand the implications given earlier but a less charitable fan would call it an ass pull.

I read the amazon blurb while reading this and I feel a need to debunk a few things

1. "Fantasy novels not centered on romance". Romance is a significant part of this. Indeed it underpins the climax and the Belligerent Sexual Tension has more focus than the fighting
2. "Unique world-building and superpowers". The world building and superpowers are not the least bit unique. A secret organization of in-born super-powered people that can fly, self-heal and create supernatural barriers? Seen it several times. Nothing exactly like this but it is not unique. The fact that the author can name eleven different franchises that are similar to it is proof enough.
3. "Many-layered plot design with a lot to explore". There is indeed a lot to explore but it is not explored. On the contrary, I found it be wasted potential considering how much time is spent in sitting on their butts in safe houses bickering like school children.

 

It's a decent ending. Closing up and looking forwards.

 CHARACTERS

Pains is the only fully developed ancharacter. She is the only one with dimensions. I count the following: bloodthirsty, introspective, Big Sister Instinct, One of the Boys, a foul mouthed Broken Bird leading to Defrosting Ice Queen.  She has inner vulnerability and fear.  Alexandra Engellmann did a good job with her, but the others are less so.  

 Jane is defined in contrast to Pain: less mean, more level headed, less bloodthirsty, younger etc.. 

 Marco is crude comic relief. 

Peter is Da Chief who feels the Chains of Command. There's little about him other than his position as the leader of Sky Ghosts.

 Eugene is just a faux evilly affable villain; a plot device to bring the two leads together. He has little screen time and is scarcely developed beyond the threat he posses. He's basically " the leader of the bad guys that we can't kill because he has an impregnable personal shield". 

 Chad and David are interchangeable for the first part of the story. The same two bewildered civilians. After a certain event they diverge, but like the sisters, the divergence is in how they contrast each other.  Chad becomes more temperamental and broody while David transitions to excited and Unfazed Everyman.

POLISH

It looks good; no typos.

Trickster Eric Novels gives Sky Ghosts a C

Click here for the next review request: TitanBorn

Click here for the previous review request: The End

Sassy Saturday: Dangerous Grunt Work

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here:The Girlfriend of an Exiled Mage

The context for this post is that Eric has returned to Tariatla and Emily has unwittingly come with him. He's reunited with Kallen Selios and they approach an area seared by a mana storm.
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The trio entered a glen transformed into a crater ten feet deep and five feet wide. Trees for another three yards had been ripped apart or transformed into something else. The surrounding snow was, as oxymoron as it sounded, a fertile wasteland. Plants were growing here when there were none elsewhere, but at the same time, they appeared toxic.

Kallen approached the edge and looked over. At the bottom was a creature sparking with mana; half human and half something else. It was he who had screamed.

“Hello, down there! Are you still sapient?”

The man raised his head and showed her his face; it too was only half-human and becoming less so by the second.

“– Lumberson, please help me. I’m Patrick Lumberson, please help me. I’m Patrick Lumberson…” A large mana arch sparked over his head and he screamed again. “Please help me!”

Eric pointed his staff at Patrick and chanted, “Just like a wooden boat –”

“Stop!” Kallen said. “It’s too late! Save your mana for offensive spells!”

The transformation completed a second later. The creature lying in the pit now was a hairless mole-like creature with thick muscle and hide like leather. It was about six feet tall with its weight evenly distributed along its body. Ice crystals grew in various parts of its body, from its head to its arms and back and belly. It was equipped with grinding teeth and four sets of serrated claws. Patrick Lumberson was now a Fizger; a monster known to trawl cold regions.

It sniffed the air and detected warm bodies. Rising to its feet, it jumped clear out of the hole and charged the trio without preamble. Emily ducked behind Eric and Kallen moved in front of him.

Kallen deflected the blows from its fore claws with her mage spear while dodging the strikes from its hind claws and jaws and, all the while, she chanted, “Invisible assassin, come to my aid! Be my hope and be my blade! Ice Daggers!”

Five clumps of snow arose around the vicious monster. Instantly, they melted and refroze into blades. By her will, they hovered into position over the monster’s vulnerable spots.

“Strike!”

They flew into her target. Propelled by her magical power, they punctured its hide and through its muscle to pierce internal organs. It died on its feet and then slumped at Kallen’s, but none of its blood blemished her appearance. Her personal barrier repelled it. She stabbed it a few more times to make sure it was dead, then took out a small dagger and began cutting it up.

The sight made Emily throw up. Eric knelt to support her and rub her back. She smiled appreciatively at him, but the sounds of Kallen cutting bone made her shudder.

“What…what was that? What happened!?”

Kallen finished sawing off an arm and put it off to the side. “Eric, explain.”

“What you just witnessed is known as ‘mana mutation.’ It’s the process where high concentrations of mana transform the local matter at the molecular level. If it happens to sapient creatures, their minds are scrambled, and they turn into monsters.”

“Is that going to happen to me!? This is too high and what about contagion? Will –”

“Emily!”

Kallen separated another limb from the main body and put it aside.

“It won’t happen to you as long as you stay away from mana storms. This guy was unlucky enough to be caught in one.”

“…Is that it? The end? Boom-monster?”

“Yes,” Kallen said while cutting through the monster’s neck. “As of today, there is no method known to humans that can restore a victim’s sanity, but I’m working on that.”

“You are? You’re a doctor?”

Kallen paused. “What’s a doctor? Eric, is that the Threan word for ‘researcher’?”

Eric cast a waterball for Emily wash to the vomit taste from her mouth. She was too surprised that he could generate clean water to register that she was drinking out of his hands.

“Technically, it’s the name of the highest academic degree that someone can be awarded, but the most commonly known is the ‘Doctorate of Medicine.’”

“Oh, so it’s kind of like ‘Sage of Healing’?”

Eric nodded and Kallen resumed cutting.

“In any case, I’m not a doctor. I’m a field agent for the International Community Dedicated to Mana Mutation. I do the dangerous grunt work that makes their boring grunt work possible.”

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Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at: https://smile.amazon.com/A-Mages-Power-Journey-Chaos-ebook/dp/B00AVMAISG

To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit Tvtropes at: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AMagesPower.

For the next Sassy Saturday post, click the link:  This is Deathkiller Bow

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Dynasty Warriors Inspiration

I've been playing Dynasty Warriors 6 lately. This is a tactical action game based on the Three Kingdoms Period of China. As of this writing, I have cleared the story modes for five characters. It's been a lot of fun but there are also many challenging and frustrating elements to it.

The fields are big and so it can take a while to get from place to place. Unless you have a maxed out horse who favors speed, you'll spend more time marching from base to base then fighting.  The terrain can be complex and so it's easy to get lost or find yourself going in the wrong direction; rivers without beaches or the twists of ridges can corral a player who doesn't know them.  The press of soldiers and hidden archers can be overwhelming even for a one man army.

I imagine it is similar to real life battles during the period, except a lot easier. Even putting aside the physicality of it such as no flagging stamina or debilitating injury there are many advantages.
-->There are the musuo attacks and special attacks that couldn't be done in real life.
-->There's special abilities of weapons and horses such as "Arrow Dance" which can make a character immune to arrows.
-->If a character dismounts or is thrown from their horse, enemy mooks can't steal it.
-->There's no risk of friendly fire which is amazingly useful in regards to the above-mentioned press of soldiers.
-->There's an interface map in the corner of the screen that tracks the player's location and that of every other character in real time. Players can hear allies call for help from a distance and this is also indicated on the map.
-->There's instant health recovery items in food and stat power ups that can be found in the field.
-->Once the mission's objective is completed, nothing else matters.
--> Enemy soldiers will flee their bases under certain conditions even if the player's character is fighting them alone. 
-->Each stage has its own progression and so the player can learn to anticipate events and trouble areas. A player can move their character into position ahead of time. It's like having clairvoyance.

After writing all of this out, it doesn't sound anything at all like real battle, does it? Despite this, I failed several stages, several times, even on easy mode.

Even with all of these advantages, I couldn't accomplish the mission. I couldn't get where I needed to go in time to save an NPC due to transit time or being caught up in immediate problems.  I'd get lost in the terrain and isolated from both my character's allies and the mission objectives.  I'd bite off more than I could chew and my character would be killed. This strikes me. Real life campaigns must be much more complicated and thus more difficult. What must it be like to face the "preparation screen", so to speak, and know that you are essentially going in blind? That you only have one chance?

I believe it will be useful for the next main series I have planned. I foresee many war sequences and it is also set in a similar time period. If I take this and adapt it to the situation in my fictional universe, then I will have a model to work from.

Journey to Chaos doesn't have any war sequences, and certainly nothing like Dynasty Warriors, but the logistics of it are still useful as a reference.

 As a final note, the game's soundtrack played in my head as I wrote this.
____________________________________________________________
The Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at: http://smile.amazon.com/A-Mages-Power-Journey-Chaos-ebook/dp/B00AVMAISG

A Mage's Power will be free on Amazon until the end of today, May 3rd 2016.

To learn about the Journey to Chaos series, visit Tvtropes at: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AMagesPower.


Brian Wilkerson is a freelance book reviewer, writing advice blogger and independent novelist. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration).

Sassy Saturday: the Girlfriend of an Exiled Mage

Welcome to another week of Sassy Saturday at Trickster Eric Novels.  Every week will be an excerpt from one of my novels showcasing a kick-butt heroine. If you want read about the original blog hop the link is here.

The previous Sassy Saturday post can be read here:"Die by the hand of a 'gently bred lady'!"

This is the first post for the second book in the Journey to Chaos series: Looming Shadow. I chose this one because it introduces a new character. Emily Tompson was in A Mage's Power but her role was tiny. Here, she becomes more important.

__________________________________________________________

 “Hey, Eric.”

The exiled mage jumped out of his seat. Emily, his girlfriend, stood in the doorway of his apartment. Eric cursed himself silently. A debate on the website about magically applied time travel was so interesting that his finely tuned sense of awareness had dropped. Basilard would swear if he knew...

“You didn't answer, so I let myself in. You do remember we have a date today, right?” Eric looked at his computer's clock; the day had passed without his noticing. He cursed himself anew. His girlfriend had walked in wearing a cocktail dress and he was still in his pajamas.

“Oh, sorry,” Eric said, blushing. “I was so busy, I lost track of time.”

“Really? What are you working on?” Emily crossed the room before Eric could close the window. “Practical magic?”

“Oh yeah, I'm really into magic,” Eric said. “I do sleight-of-hand. Remember?” Card tricks, rabbits, coin gags – he did that sort of thing all the time in high school but lost interest until recently. They were a big hit at office parties and he even embarrassed the resident schmoozer. Sleight-of-hand was fun, but it was nothing like the real deal. Thinking about his small shows made him think of a real show, where he performed real magic, and had real friends and—

“Eric!” Emily shouted. Eric shook his head and apologized. “You've been drifting off a lot lately. Like you're in another world.”

“I’m not!” Eric said harshly.

“That's another thing,” Emily said. “You've become confident to the point of aggressive.”

“I had a lot of time to think. I didn't like who I was,” Eric replied. “I wanted to be more confident, so I did.”

“I wish I could do that,” Emily said wistfully. “Change just like that.”

“It wasn't easy. The struggle of the butterfly to escape its cocoon makes it strong enough to survive. I simply hadn't fought out of my cocoon yet.”

The cocoon was my own mind, thanks to that ancient asshole…

You should be thanking me.

Eric shook his head vigorously.

“You've become philosophical too. I didn't know that about you.”

Eric grinned. “There's a lot you don't know about me. I bet there's a lot I don't know about you. I didn't know you wanted to change yourself.”

“Well...Do you promise not to laugh?”

Eric nodded.

“I've had this dream – of flying. I've wanted to fly over the world and see everything...but I could never push myself to do it.”

“I think that's a beautiful dream.”

“Really? I always thought it was some silly, childish fantasy.”

Suddenly, Eric wasn't in his apartment anymore. He wasn't in the city anymore, nor the planet, nor even the local universe contained within the world fruit of the Great Tree, Noitearc. It all rushed by his eyes in a blur of color and light. Once again, he was back in Roalt. Standing in the dirt streets of the busy capital – looking at turtle taxis, flying griffins, and real magic and hearing the mages cast spells, the merchants haggle, artisans shouting, and the aroma of the food, and the feeling of mana all around him! Giving him power and energy and –

“Eric!”

Gone. Just like that; it was all gone. All the sights and smells and sounds of Tariatla vanished like a dream. Eric clutched his forehead as he mentally shouted at himself that it wasn't a dream and that Tariatla really did exist because he could still do magic and he was going to get back there! And –

“ERIC!”

Eric blinked and looked up. Emily stood over him with her hands on his shoulders, looking worried. Eric smiled sheepishly and his face heated up. He could only imagine how he looked to Emily just now, and how it must have worried her. A new feeling hit: guilt. All this time and effort to get somewhere when he already had something great here.

Then a second guilt appeared alongside the first. Emily was the only reason he hadn't gone completely mad during his exile. There was a reason for that. There were many great things waiting for him on Tariatla. If only I could get there!

“Eric, are you all right!? You're spacing out again.”

“I'm really sorry, Emily,” Eric said. “I'll change as quickly as I can and then we can go.”

The exiled mage was in such a hurry, he forgot to turn off his computer, so his homepage remained open. He dashed to his bedroom where his date clothes were...somewhere. Emily sat down in his seat, placed her purse on the desk, and looked over the page.

“You know...ever since Hanson promoted you, you've changed a lot. You're helpful and friendly and you stand up to Aaron, but what were you thinking last night?”

“Last night?”

She scanned the recent article about illusions and another about the use of martial arts to increase mana supply and control.

 “Yes, when you dropped that criminal at the convenience store. I read about it on someone's blog. Did you 'emerge from your cocoon' as a butterfly or a wasp?”

Eric emerged from his bedroom in dress pants and a nice collared shirt. “I had frozens,” he protested.

Emily laughed. “And here I thought you were trying to be a hero!”

Eric shook his head. “I'm no hero; just a mercenary.”

He froze.

“A what?”

“I want my money's worth,” Eric said quickly. “I don't want to give a month's salary to a punk with a gun, you know?”

“Yeah,” Emily said slowly. “Where'd you learn to do that anyway?”

“I go to a training hall every week,” Eric answered. “At first, it was to stay in shape but –”

“Not that; the other thing,” Emily said. “The blogger said the criminal paused. You ranted about your day, but he didn't shoot you. Why not?”

Eric shrugged. “I guess he didn't have the guts. The gun might have been for intimidation.”

Emily stood up angrily. “Eric, do you think I was born yesterday? You did something!”

“Do you think I have magic powers? That's ridiculous!”

Emily pointed at his computer. For the third time that day, Eric silently cursed himself. He didn't want anyone to know that he had real magic. If that happened, he would be constantly bothered for demonstrations. Then he would run out of juice, be labeled a fraud, and never reach Tariatla. If he had met that punk any other day, then he might have been able to show more restraint. “You wouldn't believe me if I told you!” Eric snapped. “You'd think I was crazy and never speak to me again!”

“You don't know that!” Emily insisted. “I wish you would tell me the truth!”

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The next entry in the Sassy Saturday entry is: Dangerous Grunt Work

Looming Shadow, and the rest of the Journey to Chaos series, is available for purchase at: http://smile.amazon.com/A-Mages-Power-Journey-Chaos-ebook/dp/B00AVMAISG

To learn more about the heroines of Journey to Chaos, visit Tvtropes at: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AMagesPower.


Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.