G. Eric Francis asked me to read his novel "Cluck the Undercover Chicken". It's about a humanoid chicken cop infiltrating a cult that wants to take over the world, while arguing with the person writing the story. I will examine plot, characters and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
This book is trying to be funny not thrilling. Thus, the plot isn't as important as the comedy. The plot is generic, silly, and braced by a shallow straw feminist thing. It reads like a simple minded James Bond parody. If you read this for an engaging plot, you'll be disappointed. You should read this for the comic banter between Cluck and ST (StoryTeller A.K.A. G Eric Francis). That is what kept me turning pages. It's like a two person comedian act with something happening in the background.
You see, Cluck is the only character in this story aware of the fact that he's a character in a story. Not only that, he can communicate with the person writing the story. From the perspective of other characters, he's talking with ceiling tiles. They think he's nuts.
This book deserves recognition for the most shameless use of Deus Ex Machina I've ever read, that is also funny and fits in with the book's overall feel. Only the Freakazoid series tops it in this regard.
Cluck: Did you just write in some new ammo?
ST: Actually, come to think of it, I just did! (...........)That is the fun part about being a writer, you can change things on the fly, get it?
Good ending. There's conflict resolution but still more adventures to come.
CHARACTERS
There are two main characters, Cluck (the protagonist) and ST (the Narrator), and like I said earlier, they are basically a two man comedy routine. Cluck brags about how awesome he is and gets into trouble, and ST reacts to this.
Cluck reminds me of Marvel's Deadpool because of his tendency to talk a lot, his Medium Awareness, and his violent profession. He's like a lite version of Deadpool; doesn't talk as much, not as crazy, not as violent.
ST is a foil. He's quieter and less inclined to toot his own horn. Since he's also the one writing this story, he's effectively a reality warper that can both introduce and resolve random difficulties in Cluck's path. His goal is to make a good story. Considering how he exists on a different level of existence, there's a lot of room for Alternate Character Interpretation and Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory faux symbolism.
POLISH
No spelling or grammar problems. It's easy to follow the character conversations vs those that Cluck has with ST. However, the main plot feels too much like an excuse plot to give this book a perfect grade.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Cluck the Undercover Chicken" a B+
Click here for the next review request: "The Experiment"
Click here for the previous review request: "Hy Brazil"
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Answering Review Request: "Hy Brazil"
Gerald Killingsworth asked me to review his book "Hy Brazil". It's about a young man from Victoria's England getting tangled up in an elfin civil war. I will examine plot, character and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
This plot takes a long time to set up its conflict. The elfin civil war is not properly established until some 200 pages have passed. Edward, the protagonist, does not even arrive in Hy Brazil for 80 pages. Until then, the story reads like a bog-standard historical fiction and I'm lead to believe that the conflict is between England and Ireland; no "Hy Brazil" in sight.
I like historical fiction. If this entire book was about Edmund Spenser's secretary living in Ireland, I would have liked that. Unfortunately, every plot point in this section ceases to be relevant as soon as Edward sets foot in Hy Brazil.
After that there's this section with an Elfin City Lord. It goes on for a while but ultimately goes nowhere. All I can assume is that it's supposed to be a contrast thing with the Elfin Forest Lord (who is basically the same character on the opposite side of the fence). This city lord says he wants diplomatic relations with the human world but doesn't tell Edward why he wants this or what he wants Edward to do specifically. Thus the plot stalls during this period.
Shuffling is a problem. Instead of building up a situation, Edward is tossed from one to the next. Each has little bearing on the one before it. All the stuff about Spenser's writing, tensions in Ireland, and that thing about Calvagh being "kin to the Desmond" is erased. Lord Húon ’l Dainn's brand, the stuff in the city, and mine scene are similarly forgotten. The only continuity is Edward's work on elfin accents and the money he received, which is used to buy himself a pair of shoes (his 4th or 5th pair). "Salvage" is forgotten once "Flora" shows up and she is mentioned once after she's replaced by elfin lieutenants. There's no firm footing. The Elfin Forest Lady straight up says that they're wasting time and that nothing important happened. (Filler!)
At the time, I thought it was like reading "five chapters of prologue." Now I phrase it as "endless beginnings of a story without any middle or end". I'd prefer to start in the forest and in the second chapter.
There is no ending. The story just stops. I have half a mind to think that the file was damaged in transit and that there's more to this book then the copy I have. Books need to have a resolution because otherwise they look unfinished.
There are a couple scenes I like in this story and they are descriptions of supernatural wonders. Mr.Killingsworth inspires awe with these scenes.
Also, I like the first five or so chapters that take place in the human realm. There's lots of detail here and a number of well developed characters. Edward certainly has a strong presence (always a good thing with first person narration) and the use of Calvagh as his foil (a bastard child like him but Irish and much nicer) makes them both better. Spenser, the poet, also makes a interesting contrast with Edward, whose writing skill is his tidy handwriting. It's a Technician vs Performer thing, as we say on Tvtropes.
Doubtless I would have enjoyed the human realm plotline more if I wasn't looking forward to the adventure in the elf realm. My disappointment with the elf realm plotline is likely due to having different expectations then Mr.Killingworth.
CHARACTERS
Edward is the only steady character. The others are inevitably lost in the shuffling mentioned above and contribute to the shuffling. It's a wheel of Edward meeting new people and being a jerk to them.
Out of all the many characters introduced in the human world, only two move into the elf world. Calvagh might as well have stayed behind because all he does is underscore Edward's jerkassery. He doesn't contribute anything to the plot.
Over the course of the story, more characters share this fate. "Salvage" does nothing and is not mentioned after his disappearance. "Flora" and her brother likewise. In the end, Edward has a half dozen or so lieutenants and I can't tell them apart because they are not visually distinguished and they all act the same.
Edward Harry, the protagonist, is a jerkass. He's arrogant, rude, treats others like dirt and sucks up to his boss. Occasionally, he'll recognize these traits but refuse to improve upon them which makes them worse. Being a bastard son is no excuse for his behavior because he meets three other bastards in this story and none of them are as bad as him. They serve to further emphasis his over-inflated opinion of himself and lack of manners.
Early in the story, he thinks the Irish in his traveling party are discussing ways to kill him simply because they're Irish and he can't understand their language. His boss is writing a pastoral poem and says that Edward inspired one of the characters. Instead of being flattered, he is deeply offended because the character's name doesn't match up to his own, which is the first name of two English kings.
Late in the story, he deliberately pushes the buttons of his lieutenants because they don't treat him like a king which then justifies their dislike of him. The only people he treats with respect are people serving him, and they have to fawn over him like the Grogoch, or it won't count.
The one redeeming trait he has is that he finds murder distasteful, both in seeing it done and committing it himself. Even here he can sound like a jerkass because he sounds like murder is beneath him as a "wandering scholar" rather than morally incorrect. Also, he often contemplates killing elves he particularly dislikes, or about cutting their pointy ears off. For someone that does not hesitate to kill two elves over the course of the story, this is a worrying tendency.
POLISH
There are no spelling or grammar mistakes.
The first person narration works well because it is within Edward Harry's personality to write down his daily activities. The first page is about how this is his story and that he is the most important thing in it. It's all the more in his personality to give the events his own slant.
Overall, I don't like this book. I find it boring, too long, and starred by a thoroughly unlikable character. HOWEVER, I like the human realm plotline and the elf realm plotline separately. Thus I will give three grades. One for human realm, one for elf realm, and one for overall.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Hy Brazil" the following grades:
1. Human Realm plotline = B- (It feels like Slice of Life and so closure is a non-factor)
2. Elf Realm plotline = C- (for the lack of closure)
3. Overall = D- (i.e. not a "$15 for a paperback" kind of book)
Click here for the next review request: "Cluck the Undercover Chicken"
Click here for the previous review request: Disconnect
PLOT
This plot takes a long time to set up its conflict. The elfin civil war is not properly established until some 200 pages have passed. Edward, the protagonist, does not even arrive in Hy Brazil for 80 pages. Until then, the story reads like a bog-standard historical fiction and I'm lead to believe that the conflict is between England and Ireland; no "Hy Brazil" in sight.
I like historical fiction. If this entire book was about Edmund Spenser's secretary living in Ireland, I would have liked that. Unfortunately, every plot point in this section ceases to be relevant as soon as Edward sets foot in Hy Brazil.
After that there's this section with an Elfin City Lord. It goes on for a while but ultimately goes nowhere. All I can assume is that it's supposed to be a contrast thing with the Elfin Forest Lord (who is basically the same character on the opposite side of the fence). This city lord says he wants diplomatic relations with the human world but doesn't tell Edward why he wants this or what he wants Edward to do specifically. Thus the plot stalls during this period.
Shuffling is a problem. Instead of building up a situation, Edward is tossed from one to the next. Each has little bearing on the one before it. All the stuff about Spenser's writing, tensions in Ireland, and that thing about Calvagh being "kin to the Desmond" is erased. Lord Húon ’l Dainn's brand, the stuff in the city, and mine scene are similarly forgotten. The only continuity is Edward's work on elfin accents and the money he received, which is used to buy himself a pair of shoes (his 4th or 5th pair). "Salvage" is forgotten once "Flora" shows up and she is mentioned once after she's replaced by elfin lieutenants. There's no firm footing. The Elfin Forest Lady straight up says that they're wasting time and that nothing important happened. (Filler!)
At the time, I thought it was like reading "five chapters of prologue." Now I phrase it as "endless beginnings of a story without any middle or end". I'd prefer to start in the forest and in the second chapter.
There is no ending. The story just stops. I have half a mind to think that the file was damaged in transit and that there's more to this book then the copy I have. Books need to have a resolution because otherwise they look unfinished.
There are a couple scenes I like in this story and they are descriptions of supernatural wonders. Mr.Killingsworth inspires awe with these scenes.
Also, I like the first five or so chapters that take place in the human realm. There's lots of detail here and a number of well developed characters. Edward certainly has a strong presence (always a good thing with first person narration) and the use of Calvagh as his foil (a bastard child like him but Irish and much nicer) makes them both better. Spenser, the poet, also makes a interesting contrast with Edward, whose writing skill is his tidy handwriting. It's a Technician vs Performer thing, as we say on Tvtropes.
Doubtless I would have enjoyed the human realm plotline more if I wasn't looking forward to the adventure in the elf realm. My disappointment with the elf realm plotline is likely due to having different expectations then Mr.Killingworth.
CHARACTERS
Edward is the only steady character. The others are inevitably lost in the shuffling mentioned above and contribute to the shuffling. It's a wheel of Edward meeting new people and being a jerk to them.
Out of all the many characters introduced in the human world, only two move into the elf world. Calvagh might as well have stayed behind because all he does is underscore Edward's jerkassery. He doesn't contribute anything to the plot.
Over the course of the story, more characters share this fate. "Salvage" does nothing and is not mentioned after his disappearance. "Flora" and her brother likewise. In the end, Edward has a half dozen or so lieutenants and I can't tell them apart because they are not visually distinguished and they all act the same.
Edward Harry, the protagonist, is a jerkass. He's arrogant, rude, treats others like dirt and sucks up to his boss. Occasionally, he'll recognize these traits but refuse to improve upon them which makes them worse. Being a bastard son is no excuse for his behavior because he meets three other bastards in this story and none of them are as bad as him. They serve to further emphasis his over-inflated opinion of himself and lack of manners.
Early in the story, he thinks the Irish in his traveling party are discussing ways to kill him simply because they're Irish and he can't understand their language. His boss is writing a pastoral poem and says that Edward inspired one of the characters. Instead of being flattered, he is deeply offended because the character's name doesn't match up to his own, which is the first name of two English kings.
Late in the story, he deliberately pushes the buttons of his lieutenants because they don't treat him like a king which then justifies their dislike of him. The only people he treats with respect are people serving him, and they have to fawn over him like the Grogoch, or it won't count.
The one redeeming trait he has is that he finds murder distasteful, both in seeing it done and committing it himself. Even here he can sound like a jerkass because he sounds like murder is beneath him as a "wandering scholar" rather than morally incorrect. Also, he often contemplates killing elves he particularly dislikes, or about cutting their pointy ears off. For someone that does not hesitate to kill two elves over the course of the story, this is a worrying tendency.
POLISH
There are no spelling or grammar mistakes.
The first person narration works well because it is within Edward Harry's personality to write down his daily activities. The first page is about how this is his story and that he is the most important thing in it. It's all the more in his personality to give the events his own slant.
Overall, I don't like this book. I find it boring, too long, and starred by a thoroughly unlikable character. HOWEVER, I like the human realm plotline and the elf realm plotline separately. Thus I will give three grades. One for human realm, one for elf realm, and one for overall.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Hy Brazil" the following grades:
1. Human Realm plotline = B- (It feels like Slice of Life and so closure is a non-factor)
2. Elf Realm plotline = C- (for the lack of closure)
3. Overall = D- (i.e. not a "$15 for a paperback" kind of book)
Click here for the next review request: "Cluck the Undercover Chicken"
Click here for the previous review request: Disconnect
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Who Has the Best Mousetrap
"If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sure Ralph, that sounds fair and logical, but how do you spread the word about your superior mousetrap? How do you convince them that it is truly superior?
Being a self-published author is a lot like being in the woods. No one knows how great your book is because you are alone in the wilderness and obscured by many, many trees. One's voice needs to carry out of the woods and into the ears of perspective readers. A self-published author is on their own for this task. Any help must come from people they hire or their friends and family.
When I started writing A Mage's Power, I didn't talk about it. No one knew about it. Thus, when the book was finished and I wanted to publish it, there was no one waiting at the door of my forest cabin, and no beaten path behind them. I delayed publishing for a year in order to build up my social network. I looked for authors on facebook, gathered twitter followers, started this blog, and joined organizations like the Independent Author Network and Book Tweeting Service. In this way I found a way to broadcast the virtues of my mousetrap, but many other people found it too.
If thousands of people are standing in the forest and yelling about their mousetrap, then no one is truly heard. It's like a cocktail party; one can hear a lot of voices but it's all indistinct chatter. Imagine every living thing in a forest vying for attention: every tree, bird, insect, mammal, and blade of grass calling to you. In the midst of all this is our mousetrap maker shouting at the top of his lungs. Who would hear him? Book reviewers.
I became a book reviewer to increase my own reach in the social media sphere, but in the process, I help other people stand out. I review their book and while reading it I share my thoughts about it on three social media platforms. I help others spread the news about their own mousetrap and whether or not its worth beating a path to their door. Its not so hard when two people are shouting the same message.
This leads to a third problem. It's called The Problem with Paid Reviews and Reviews, Not Endorsements. Sometimes I encounter books that have a handful of reviewers and they all sound the same. It's like the author paid a bunch of people to stand in a row and shout generic praise. There's nothing wrong with this when it's honest advertising. The problem is when the advertisers pretend to be reviewers. "Okay you have my attention, but how is your mousetrap superior to all the others?" A generic review might as well be empty because it can't answer this question.
For all that are here still reading, please allow me to direct you to my mousetrap: A Mage's Power
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sure Ralph, that sounds fair and logical, but how do you spread the word about your superior mousetrap? How do you convince them that it is truly superior?
Being a self-published author is a lot like being in the woods. No one knows how great your book is because you are alone in the wilderness and obscured by many, many trees. One's voice needs to carry out of the woods and into the ears of perspective readers. A self-published author is on their own for this task. Any help must come from people they hire or their friends and family.
When I started writing A Mage's Power, I didn't talk about it. No one knew about it. Thus, when the book was finished and I wanted to publish it, there was no one waiting at the door of my forest cabin, and no beaten path behind them. I delayed publishing for a year in order to build up my social network. I looked for authors on facebook, gathered twitter followers, started this blog, and joined organizations like the Independent Author Network and Book Tweeting Service. In this way I found a way to broadcast the virtues of my mousetrap, but many other people found it too.
If thousands of people are standing in the forest and yelling about their mousetrap, then no one is truly heard. It's like a cocktail party; one can hear a lot of voices but it's all indistinct chatter. Imagine every living thing in a forest vying for attention: every tree, bird, insect, mammal, and blade of grass calling to you. In the midst of all this is our mousetrap maker shouting at the top of his lungs. Who would hear him? Book reviewers.
I became a book reviewer to increase my own reach in the social media sphere, but in the process, I help other people stand out. I review their book and while reading it I share my thoughts about it on three social media platforms. I help others spread the news about their own mousetrap and whether or not its worth beating a path to their door. Its not so hard when two people are shouting the same message.
This leads to a third problem. It's called The Problem with Paid Reviews and Reviews, Not Endorsements. Sometimes I encounter books that have a handful of reviewers and they all sound the same. It's like the author paid a bunch of people to stand in a row and shout generic praise. There's nothing wrong with this when it's honest advertising. The problem is when the advertisers pretend to be reviewers. "Okay you have my attention, but how is your mousetrap superior to all the others?" A generic review might as well be empty because it can't answer this question.
For all that are here still reading, please allow me to direct you to my mousetrap: A Mage's Power
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Answering Review Request "Disconnect"
Gillian Adams asked me to read her short story "Disconnect". It's about a cop and a tech group that fight a Megacrop of virtual reality. I will examine plot, characters, and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
In a nutshell, this story is like The Matrix and Neon Genesis Evangelion blended together and much shorter than either one.
From the start I'm reminded of Matrix; the first scene is the protagonist pulled out of Virtual Reality in a blind and helpless state, similar to Neo. The similarities continue to pile up from there.
-You have a small tech savvy group rebelling against a much larger organization that manages a virtual reality simulator which led to a city's decay because no one spends time outside the VR.
-This organization hunts the group with Men in Black
-The only way to stop them is with a special person who can use reality warper power to go to the machine's core and shut it down.
-At the core, this special guy talks to the bad guy in charge and makes a decision that involves his love interest.
There's so much background religious symbolism it's like watching Neon Genesis Evangelion.
-The protagonist's name is "Adam" which is the first human man according to Judeo-Christian tradition. In other words, "one" but there's a further implication. Biblical!Adam is part of the reason that humans don't live in earthly paradise and Virtual Life is held up as such a paradise by its creator company and many users.
-The protagonist says "welcome to the promised land" when he ejects everyone from the VR and into real life.
-A networker who wears a "blood red dress" puts a "crown of twisted metal" on the protagonist's head in order to restore his memories and warns him that it will cause him great suffering. The protagonist insists on it so he can better help people.
-A virtual reality port set up in a decayed church with the protagonist on the altar. After he's hooked into the VR, (i.e. ritually sacrificed) he regains god-like reality warper powers.
-The person who causes much of this symbolism is called "Zen", which is the name of a form of Buddhism that emphasizes meditation. Buddhism in general regards life itself as suffering, which would include virtual life.
-The protagonist says that computer code lacks a "divine spark", in other words, a 'soul' and is therefore an illusion.
-Virtual Life is regarded as "hell" by at least one vandal who crossed out "bliss" on a Virtual Life poster and replaced it with "hell".
-Mr.Gold, the Virtual Life security chief, tries to tempt the protagonist with VR, which calls to mind Satan creating a false paradise that he can rule like a false god.
There a number of Fridge Logic points I'd like to bring up.
1. Despite the protagonist giving a speech about how VR is bad, neither he nor the other good guys seem to hate VR itself but the company behind it.
-The protagonist and his friend lost their wife and sister respectively. She was a hacker and killed for that reason.
-Another hero lost her husband to heart attack and she implies it was caused by the VR system.
-Zen herself points out that the heroes are fine using technology they claim to hate ("guns and computers") to fight Virtual Life.
2. Adam was wrongfully convicted of a crime, but the narration never states what crime he was convicted of. It feels like a plot device and further more his long time in VR is how he developed the powers he needed to bring down the people who convicted him. Why didn't they just shoot him? If he was trapped in their VR for twenty years they would have had ample opportunity.
3. The Protagonist was investigating a drug ring whose profits were being used to fund the VR. Why didn't they just charge a monthly subscription like everyone else? It feels like a Kick the Dog. Without this, what you have is a computer company defending itself against hackers and a self-admitted Luddite. They're overzealous to be sure but evil? The worst part is that the drug stuff is never mentioned after it's brought up the first time. Shouldn't stopping that have been part of their plan?
4. The only crime that Virtual Life (the program, not the company) is guilty of, is being too realistic, too useful, etc.
5. According to the heroes and the general landscape, the entire population of the city migrated to VR. Beyond the unlikelihood that absolutely everyone would make such a radical decision, wouldn't a sizable number of people need to stay outside for maintenance, power production, food production, etc. or are there a bunch of robots doing this for them off-screen? (Matrix!)
There's no resolution. It cuts off right after the climax. For something like "bringing down a virtual reality where the population has become so immersed the real world has decayed" I expect to see some aftermath.
Despite all this, I enjoyed reading it. It was only ten pages so it was a small time investment. It took me twice as long to write this review as to read the book.
Also, I didn't take it seriously. After the "crown of twisted metal" I stepped back and took this story apart like a Tv Toper. That made it fun.
There's a shape shifter duel in the climax. That was pretty cool.
CHARACTERS
The book is ten pages long so there's little room to develop anyone. I got some classic "For Great Justice" vibes from the protagonist but then he's overwritten by the Author Tract.
I get nothing from the other characters.
POLISH
No spelling or grammar problems.
The writing is pretty good. Like I said in the plot section, I enjoyed reading the book. The Fridge Logic is just that, questions that come up after you finish reading the story. If you focus on the here and now without tangential details, then it's a solid story. It's just too short to fully develop itself.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Disconnect" a C+
Click here for the next review request: "Hy Brazil"
Click here for the previous review request: "Sheep's Clothing"
PLOT
In a nutshell, this story is like The Matrix and Neon Genesis Evangelion blended together and much shorter than either one.
From the start I'm reminded of Matrix; the first scene is the protagonist pulled out of Virtual Reality in a blind and helpless state, similar to Neo. The similarities continue to pile up from there.
-You have a small tech savvy group rebelling against a much larger organization that manages a virtual reality simulator which led to a city's decay because no one spends time outside the VR.
-This organization hunts the group with Men in Black
-The only way to stop them is with a special person who can use reality warper power to go to the machine's core and shut it down.
-At the core, this special guy talks to the bad guy in charge and makes a decision that involves his love interest.
There's so much background religious symbolism it's like watching Neon Genesis Evangelion.
-The protagonist's name is "Adam" which is the first human man according to Judeo-Christian tradition. In other words, "one" but there's a further implication. Biblical!Adam is part of the reason that humans don't live in earthly paradise and Virtual Life is held up as such a paradise by its creator company and many users.
-The protagonist says "welcome to the promised land" when he ejects everyone from the VR and into real life.
-A networker who wears a "blood red dress" puts a "crown of twisted metal" on the protagonist's head in order to restore his memories and warns him that it will cause him great suffering. The protagonist insists on it so he can better help people.
-A virtual reality port set up in a decayed church with the protagonist on the altar. After he's hooked into the VR, (i.e. ritually sacrificed) he regains god-like reality warper powers.
-The person who causes much of this symbolism is called "Zen", which is the name of a form of Buddhism that emphasizes meditation. Buddhism in general regards life itself as suffering, which would include virtual life.
-The protagonist says that computer code lacks a "divine spark", in other words, a 'soul' and is therefore an illusion.
-Virtual Life is regarded as "hell" by at least one vandal who crossed out "bliss" on a Virtual Life poster and replaced it with "hell".
-Mr.Gold, the Virtual Life security chief, tries to tempt the protagonist with VR, which calls to mind Satan creating a false paradise that he can rule like a false god.
There a number of Fridge Logic points I'd like to bring up.
1. Despite the protagonist giving a speech about how VR is bad, neither he nor the other good guys seem to hate VR itself but the company behind it.
-The protagonist and his friend lost their wife and sister respectively. She was a hacker and killed for that reason.
-Another hero lost her husband to heart attack and she implies it was caused by the VR system.
-Zen herself points out that the heroes are fine using technology they claim to hate ("guns and computers") to fight Virtual Life.
2. Adam was wrongfully convicted of a crime, but the narration never states what crime he was convicted of. It feels like a plot device and further more his long time in VR is how he developed the powers he needed to bring down the people who convicted him. Why didn't they just shoot him? If he was trapped in their VR for twenty years they would have had ample opportunity.
3. The Protagonist was investigating a drug ring whose profits were being used to fund the VR. Why didn't they just charge a monthly subscription like everyone else? It feels like a Kick the Dog. Without this, what you have is a computer company defending itself against hackers and a self-admitted Luddite. They're overzealous to be sure but evil? The worst part is that the drug stuff is never mentioned after it's brought up the first time. Shouldn't stopping that have been part of their plan?
4. The only crime that Virtual Life (the program, not the company) is guilty of, is being too realistic, too useful, etc.
5. According to the heroes and the general landscape, the entire population of the city migrated to VR. Beyond the unlikelihood that absolutely everyone would make such a radical decision, wouldn't a sizable number of people need to stay outside for maintenance, power production, food production, etc. or are there a bunch of robots doing this for them off-screen? (Matrix!)
There's no resolution. It cuts off right after the climax. For something like "bringing down a virtual reality where the population has become so immersed the real world has decayed" I expect to see some aftermath.
Despite all this, I enjoyed reading it. It was only ten pages so it was a small time investment. It took me twice as long to write this review as to read the book.
Also, I didn't take it seriously. After the "crown of twisted metal" I stepped back and took this story apart like a Tv Toper. That made it fun.
There's a shape shifter duel in the climax. That was pretty cool.
CHARACTERS
The book is ten pages long so there's little room to develop anyone. I got some classic "For Great Justice" vibes from the protagonist but then he's overwritten by the Author Tract.
I get nothing from the other characters.
POLISH
No spelling or grammar problems.
The writing is pretty good. Like I said in the plot section, I enjoyed reading the book. The Fridge Logic is just that, questions that come up after you finish reading the story. If you focus on the here and now without tangential details, then it's a solid story. It's just too short to fully develop itself.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Disconnect" a C+
Click here for the next review request: "Hy Brazil"
Click here for the previous review request: "Sheep's Clothing"
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Answering Review Request: "Sheep's Clothing"
Elizabeth Einspanier asked me to review her novel "Sheep's Clothing". She describes it as a "Weird Western" because it takes place in the Wild West and involves the supernatural. I will examine Plot, Characters, and Polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
A vampire hunter comes to the frontier town of Salvation chasing a Vampire Lord and he recruits the local doctor to finish the job.
I like this plot because it is straightforward, compelling and concise. It's like "this is the enemy, this is what we need to do to kill him, let's do it." It is neither too long with filler, stretches or otherwise unnecessary items, nor is it too short with unreasonable breaks for either side or idiot balls to facilitate action. Nor are there info dumps. Wolf explained as necessary, which informs his character as practical.
Miss.Einspanier straight away gets into the meat of the matter. The introduction scene is Doc Meadows pulling a piece of silver out of Wolf and remarking on the oddness of the injury and of his latest patient. By the start of the next day, they are a hero-sidekick pair.
There's a good deal of action here. Those seeking fight scenes will not be disappointed. However, the more important part is the investigation. Wolf and Meadow are similar to detectives in this regard because they have to discover Russeau's lairs before they can be destroyed.
Another thing I like is the discarding of the You Have to Believe Me trope. Doc Meadows is suitably skeptical of vampires and such, but after seeing the peculiar wound in Wolf and watching Russeau -minus glamor he is willing to listen. Other people in town are similar. There's none of that desperate straw pulling I've seen in other stories (novel and otherwise).
As for flaws I have only one and it is a minor one. I thought the fight against the second vampire minion was anti-climatic given her identity. Otherwise, no complaints.
Ending is fantastic. Conflict resolved, character development, all that good stuff.
This story is classic vampire hunting matched with Wild West Vigilantism. The word for that is "Cool!"
CHARACTERS
There is little time at the start to develop the protagonist (the doctor, not the hunter) and none of it is spent making him "relatable". It is a trick to make a first person narrator a fully fleshed character and it is even more impressive when they are a supporting protagonist. It is easy to tell and quick to catch that Nathaniel Meadows is a Gentleman and Scholar, a Cowardly Lion, and all around a Nice Guy.
Crowie Wolf is an excellent hero. He's gruff and foul mouthed but not a jerkass. He's full of heroic spirit but not a blindingly bright boy scout in a cape. It's difficult to hit that sweet spot. Another point I like about him is that he is an educated man but in a separate way from the doctor. You could say he has a Bachelor Degree in Supernatural Hunting and Lore.
Russeau is an old school Dracula style vampire; an evil blood sucking demon. No sparkling! He can look human but without his glamour it is clear to anyone that he's only pretending the part.
POLISH
I found one thing misspelled but I forgot what it was it was because it was just the one. Nothing wrong in terms of grammar.
I liked the use of the first person narration. It's not self-conscious or obstructive.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Sheep's Clothing" an A+
Click here for the next review request: "Disconnect"
Click here for the previous review request: "Kindling Ashes"
PLOT
A vampire hunter comes to the frontier town of Salvation chasing a Vampire Lord and he recruits the local doctor to finish the job.
I like this plot because it is straightforward, compelling and concise. It's like "this is the enemy, this is what we need to do to kill him, let's do it." It is neither too long with filler, stretches or otherwise unnecessary items, nor is it too short with unreasonable breaks for either side or idiot balls to facilitate action. Nor are there info dumps. Wolf explained as necessary, which informs his character as practical.
Miss.Einspanier straight away gets into the meat of the matter. The introduction scene is Doc Meadows pulling a piece of silver out of Wolf and remarking on the oddness of the injury and of his latest patient. By the start of the next day, they are a hero-sidekick pair.
There's a good deal of action here. Those seeking fight scenes will not be disappointed. However, the more important part is the investigation. Wolf and Meadow are similar to detectives in this regard because they have to discover Russeau's lairs before they can be destroyed.
Another thing I like is the discarding of the You Have to Believe Me trope. Doc Meadows is suitably skeptical of vampires and such, but after seeing the peculiar wound in Wolf and watching Russeau -minus glamor he is willing to listen. Other people in town are similar. There's none of that desperate straw pulling I've seen in other stories (novel and otherwise).
As for flaws I have only one and it is a minor one. I thought the fight against the second vampire minion was anti-climatic given her identity. Otherwise, no complaints.
Ending is fantastic. Conflict resolved, character development, all that good stuff.
This story is classic vampire hunting matched with Wild West Vigilantism. The word for that is "Cool!"
CHARACTERS
There is little time at the start to develop the protagonist (the doctor, not the hunter) and none of it is spent making him "relatable". It is a trick to make a first person narrator a fully fleshed character and it is even more impressive when they are a supporting protagonist. It is easy to tell and quick to catch that Nathaniel Meadows is a Gentleman and Scholar, a Cowardly Lion, and all around a Nice Guy.
Crowie Wolf is an excellent hero. He's gruff and foul mouthed but not a jerkass. He's full of heroic spirit but not a blindingly bright boy scout in a cape. It's difficult to hit that sweet spot. Another point I like about him is that he is an educated man but in a separate way from the doctor. You could say he has a Bachelor Degree in Supernatural Hunting and Lore.
Russeau is an old school Dracula style vampire; an evil blood sucking demon. No sparkling! He can look human but without his glamour it is clear to anyone that he's only pretending the part.
POLISH
I found one thing misspelled but I forgot what it was it was because it was just the one. Nothing wrong in terms of grammar.
I liked the use of the first person narration. It's not self-conscious or obstructive.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Sheep's Clothing" an A+
Click here for the next review request: "Disconnect"
Click here for the previous review request: "Kindling Ashes"
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Answering Review Request: Kindling Ashes
Laura Harris asked me to read her story "Kindling Ashes". It features a conflict between the Firesouls, who want to revive the dragon race, and the dragon slayers, who want to finish the job they started sixteen years ago. I will examine plot, characters and polish, and then then assign a grade.
PLOT
The story begins in the aftermath of a war between humans and dragons in the kingdom of Auland. It ended with dragon extinction, but unknown to most humans, the dragons have been hiding out inside humans as disembodied spirits. Now the dragons seek to regroup and return to dragon bodies before their hosts go up in flames. It's a sympathetic conflict and drives one of the two protagonists up the wall with in-decision.
There are two protagonist because this book features a dual-protagonist system. Every chapter switches the perspective of the story between Giselle, a firesoul sympathetic to the dragons, and Corran, a firesoul who wants to kill dragons. It works well not only because it underscores the grey and grey morality of the story. For instance, one chapter will have humans recall dragons tearing towers down and burning humans alive while the next will have dragons recall raids by humans that ended with dead mates and shattered eggs.
The cause and nature of the war is revealed over the course of the story. It's an interesting deconstruction of the age-old idea that dragons hoard treasure in caves.
It's not action packed by any stretch of the word but I read through it quicker than I do many review requests because the world building intrigued me and I liked the characters. Corran, in particular, was fun to dissect for his true motive and which side of the fence he would fall on.
There are a couple problems but all of them occur near the end of the story, leaving the rest spotless.
1. There's a Whatever Happened To The Mouse with a major villain, which is puzzling given the situation, but a protagonist notes the absence and also that there's a more pressing matter to tend to. Thus, it's easier to overlook.
2. There's a Diablos Ex Machina that prevents one of the two protagonists from living happily ever after as of this book, instead of waiting for the end of the series. It happens early enough, and there's enough development before and after that I feel it will become something more than that. Thus, it's also easier to overlook.
CHARACTERS
Giselle is the leading lady. I like her. She has this vulnerable toughness thing that makes her a endearing and sympathetic protagonist. There's also her fighting skills. Considering she's a host for a dragon, one would think the author would make her this super powered warrior but that's not the case. She's as strong and skilled as you'd expect a teenage street urchin whose never seriously fought before the story to be. When outmatched, she runs away or uses guile instead of god mode dragon powers.
Corran is the leading guy. What's interesting about him is that he spends the book pulled in three directions. He's from a family of dragonslayers, holds the soul of a dragon but isn't fond of either group because the former (save one member) is abusive and the latter he has been raised to hate as evil monsters. It's like he's walking on a fence for the entire story and wobbles this way and that while plotting his own course. It was fascinating to debate whether really wanted to kill dragons to be a hero or just wanted to show up his big brother bully; in other words, if he was a hero or a villain.
Frang gets a mention because he's my favorite character. He's a dragon soul stuck in Corran's head and a large part of the reason that Corran's side of the story (his mental processes and such) is so interesting. He shows the boy his memories as proof that dragons are not evil and so the boy has to go to greater lengths to justify his hatred. He's also a witty snarker that, at the same time, has a bigger role and wider personality than simple comic relief.
I could go on, but I only have more good things to say about the characters.
POLISH
No spelling or grammar problems. I like the split narration because it is consistent and adds value to the story. Other books I've reviewed use this technique but it reads like two or more separate stories. This is two sides of the same one because they reflect each other and constantly intertwine.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Kindling Ashes" an A+
Click here for the next review request: "Sheep's Clothing"
Click here for the previous review request: "The Underworld King"
PLOT
The story begins in the aftermath of a war between humans and dragons in the kingdom of Auland. It ended with dragon extinction, but unknown to most humans, the dragons have been hiding out inside humans as disembodied spirits. Now the dragons seek to regroup and return to dragon bodies before their hosts go up in flames. It's a sympathetic conflict and drives one of the two protagonists up the wall with in-decision.
There are two protagonist because this book features a dual-protagonist system. Every chapter switches the perspective of the story between Giselle, a firesoul sympathetic to the dragons, and Corran, a firesoul who wants to kill dragons. It works well not only because it underscores the grey and grey morality of the story. For instance, one chapter will have humans recall dragons tearing towers down and burning humans alive while the next will have dragons recall raids by humans that ended with dead mates and shattered eggs.
The cause and nature of the war is revealed over the course of the story. It's an interesting deconstruction of the age-old idea that dragons hoard treasure in caves.
It's not action packed by any stretch of the word but I read through it quicker than I do many review requests because the world building intrigued me and I liked the characters. Corran, in particular, was fun to dissect for his true motive and which side of the fence he would fall on.
There are a couple problems but all of them occur near the end of the story, leaving the rest spotless.
1. There's a Whatever Happened To The Mouse with a major villain, which is puzzling given the situation, but a protagonist notes the absence and also that there's a more pressing matter to tend to. Thus, it's easier to overlook.
2. There's a Diablos Ex Machina that prevents one of the two protagonists from living happily ever after as of this book, instead of waiting for the end of the series. It happens early enough, and there's enough development before and after that I feel it will become something more than that. Thus, it's also easier to overlook.
CHARACTERS
Giselle is the leading lady. I like her. She has this vulnerable toughness thing that makes her a endearing and sympathetic protagonist. There's also her fighting skills. Considering she's a host for a dragon, one would think the author would make her this super powered warrior but that's not the case. She's as strong and skilled as you'd expect a teenage street urchin whose never seriously fought before the story to be. When outmatched, she runs away or uses guile instead of god mode dragon powers.
Corran is the leading guy. What's interesting about him is that he spends the book pulled in three directions. He's from a family of dragonslayers, holds the soul of a dragon but isn't fond of either group because the former (save one member) is abusive and the latter he has been raised to hate as evil monsters. It's like he's walking on a fence for the entire story and wobbles this way and that while plotting his own course. It was fascinating to debate whether really wanted to kill dragons to be a hero or just wanted to show up his big brother bully; in other words, if he was a hero or a villain.
Frang gets a mention because he's my favorite character. He's a dragon soul stuck in Corran's head and a large part of the reason that Corran's side of the story (his mental processes and such) is so interesting. He shows the boy his memories as proof that dragons are not evil and so the boy has to go to greater lengths to justify his hatred. He's also a witty snarker that, at the same time, has a bigger role and wider personality than simple comic relief.
I could go on, but I only have more good things to say about the characters.
POLISH
No spelling or grammar problems. I like the split narration because it is consistent and adds value to the story. Other books I've reviewed use this technique but it reads like two or more separate stories. This is two sides of the same one because they reflect each other and constantly intertwine.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Kindling Ashes" an A+
Click here for the next review request: "Sheep's Clothing"
Click here for the previous review request: "The Underworld King"
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
How to Create Effective Cliffhangers
Cliff hangers are named thus because they evoke a sense of danger, as if hanging over the edge of a cliff. When used between chapters they create the "page turning effect" sought after by thrillers and other high octane genres. When used between books they can become distasteful if used improperly.
At that point, it's no longer a question of creative intent but business intent. To end a book on a cliffhanger is to presume that the reader would buy the next book simply to find out what happens next, instead of the book's inherent quality. This is especially the case if it is tacked on at the end for the sole purpose of a cliffhanger instead of events leading up to something meaningful. It's like pushing a reader off a cliff and refusing to hand them a rope unless they pay for it.
I also call this "The Missing Epilogue" because the problem could be corrected with a short epilogue. Something that shows the aftermath of the climax and closes up plot threads. It could even be a preview of the next book to increase anticipated sales, as long it closes the first book at the same time as opening the second.
It's about that sense of closure. For however many hundreds of pages, the plot is developed and brought to its climax, the highest point. After that, a reader expects some falling action and resolution. It doesn't have to resolve everything neatly (I've heard some authors don't like that for some reason, either creatively or out of a desire for realism) but I want to see the fallout of the climax. Don't stop at the tail end of the climax because the reader wants to see more. To exploit that desire with a "buy the next book" line is a business decision and likely to antagonize the reader.
Indeed, as a volunteer book reviewer I've read several books like that. They cut off at the tail end of the climax or introduce something new on the last page; some last second twist to stir the reader into a frenzy and buy the next book. Instead, I've thought "Ick!" and downgraded their final rank in my review. I don't read sequels to books like this because they are likely to have similar endings, final book included.
Driving sales can be the only deliberate intention of a goading cliffhanger. If someone denies this then it means that they are sloppy, lazy, and/or lack the skill to resolve the conflict they created. Conflict is created, developed and then resolved; that's the basic structure of a story. I don't want to hear any "I have to leave it unresolved for the next book!" whining. A sufficiently skilled author can close a book's conflict while leaving the series' conflict open.
Here are four examples of such writers:
1. Isaac Hooke did this for his "Forever Gate" series. The first one, for instance, ends the main narrative with a shocking twist and thus a cliffhanger because the reader does not know what's going on. However, the preview of the next book showed the aftermath of that twist and at the same time queues up the second one. This way the reader is not left hanging about the conclusion for the first and is instead excited for the second.
2. J.K. Rowling did a fantastic job of this in "Harry Potter". The conflict of the series was always about Harry clashing with Voldemort but the individual seven books each had their own conflict that was set up and resolved between the covers. The first book, for instance, has Voldemort attempting to restore himself with the Philosopher's Stone. While Harry prevents him from getting it, Evil Plan foiled, the evil wizard is still out there and he can try again.
3. Ranjit More does this in "The Underworld King" a little differently. There are two main conflicts; demons vs snake monsters and demons vs gods. It starts with the first and is primarily concerned with the first but the second is a significant plot thread. By the end of the book, the first conflict is resolved completely and the final lines signify that the second will be prominent in the next book. It's like shifting weight from one foot to the other.
4. The "Inspector Gadget" cartoon series. Every episode began with some Evil Plan by Dr. Claw and every episode ended with him shouting "I'll get you next time, Gadget! NEXT TIME!"
By using similar techniques as these four examples, a writer can engage their audience to a deeper degree and get them excited for the next adventure, without angering them with goading cliffhangers.
At that point, it's no longer a question of creative intent but business intent. To end a book on a cliffhanger is to presume that the reader would buy the next book simply to find out what happens next, instead of the book's inherent quality. This is especially the case if it is tacked on at the end for the sole purpose of a cliffhanger instead of events leading up to something meaningful. It's like pushing a reader off a cliff and refusing to hand them a rope unless they pay for it.
I also call this "The Missing Epilogue" because the problem could be corrected with a short epilogue. Something that shows the aftermath of the climax and closes up plot threads. It could even be a preview of the next book to increase anticipated sales, as long it closes the first book at the same time as opening the second.
It's about that sense of closure. For however many hundreds of pages, the plot is developed and brought to its climax, the highest point. After that, a reader expects some falling action and resolution. It doesn't have to resolve everything neatly (I've heard some authors don't like that for some reason, either creatively or out of a desire for realism) but I want to see the fallout of the climax. Don't stop at the tail end of the climax because the reader wants to see more. To exploit that desire with a "buy the next book" line is a business decision and likely to antagonize the reader.
Indeed, as a volunteer book reviewer I've read several books like that. They cut off at the tail end of the climax or introduce something new on the last page; some last second twist to stir the reader into a frenzy and buy the next book. Instead, I've thought "Ick!" and downgraded their final rank in my review. I don't read sequels to books like this because they are likely to have similar endings, final book included.
Driving sales can be the only deliberate intention of a goading cliffhanger. If someone denies this then it means that they are sloppy, lazy, and/or lack the skill to resolve the conflict they created. Conflict is created, developed and then resolved; that's the basic structure of a story. I don't want to hear any "I have to leave it unresolved for the next book!" whining. A sufficiently skilled author can close a book's conflict while leaving the series' conflict open.
Here are four examples of such writers:
1. Isaac Hooke did this for his "Forever Gate" series. The first one, for instance, ends the main narrative with a shocking twist and thus a cliffhanger because the reader does not know what's going on. However, the preview of the next book showed the aftermath of that twist and at the same time queues up the second one. This way the reader is not left hanging about the conclusion for the first and is instead excited for the second.
2. J.K. Rowling did a fantastic job of this in "Harry Potter". The conflict of the series was always about Harry clashing with Voldemort but the individual seven books each had their own conflict that was set up and resolved between the covers. The first book, for instance, has Voldemort attempting to restore himself with the Philosopher's Stone. While Harry prevents him from getting it, Evil Plan foiled, the evil wizard is still out there and he can try again.
3. Ranjit More does this in "The Underworld King" a little differently. There are two main conflicts; demons vs snake monsters and demons vs gods. It starts with the first and is primarily concerned with the first but the second is a significant plot thread. By the end of the book, the first conflict is resolved completely and the final lines signify that the second will be prominent in the next book. It's like shifting weight from one foot to the other.
4. The "Inspector Gadget" cartoon series. Every episode began with some Evil Plan by Dr. Claw and every episode ended with him shouting "I'll get you next time, Gadget! NEXT TIME!"
By using similar techniques as these four examples, a writer can engage their audience to a deeper degree and get them excited for the next adventure, without angering them with goading cliffhangers.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Answering review request: "Underworld King"
Ranjit Moore asked me to read his novel "Underworld King". It's an epic starring a demon king from Hinduism and his struggles with other rulers of this universe. I will examine plot, characters and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
There are several plot threads here but everything starts with Shukracharya telling Drumila that naaga (serpent monsters) are about to invade his kingdom. Because internal politics make the kingdom indefensible, Shukracharya tells Drumila to move himself and his loyal subjects to the surface and establish a new kingdom.
I like this part. Moving everyone is a complicated process of logistics, even for these omni-potent god-like characters. There's good detail here. It's also an interesting prospective on this type of premise. Other stories would have the king rally a group of warrior friends and stomp on the monsters 300 style. This is more politically nuanced; I have to say it's less exciting than the action-adventure route and so it won't hold the attention of adrenaline junkies. It was hard for me to get through the first few chapters. I find it better to read for the world building and political stuff than for the action itself because there is little at this stage.
Another plot thread is Shukracharya's attempts to breach the dimensional wall protecting the highest level of Heaven so Drumila can invade it. Because Drumila is invulnerable to divine weapons, the gods have to weaken him first, and to do this, they send a goddess disguised as a human to tire him out with excessive lovemaking.
I like this part and again it’s because the execution is unusual for this premise. In another story, this would be an excuse plot for a romance novel. The fighting would be in the background and the seduction would be the main plot. Here, it doesn't come up for fifty or so pages and is only prominent for a couple chapters. There's no smut or titillation. It is an important but minor plot thread in this tapestry.
I also like it for the perspective. It sounds like an audience surrogate set up that I've seen in a number of anime and other stories, but the angle is different. The audience is told the divine story upfront so there's no big reveal later and audience identification. Also, it’s funny. While Drumila and Shukracharya are talking over this supposedly human girl in a language she supposedly doesn't undestand about topics that she supposedly doesn't know about, she is pretending to be scared and silently snarking at them while thinking about how she's going to screw them over.
I have two complaints with this plot thread. I don't understand why the gods are focusing on Drumila, who is not interested in invasion and 99% invulnerable instead of Shukracharya, who is the one working on the ability to breach their defenses. My second problem has to do with Arundhati's love for Drumila. She claims he has a good heart, and he does, but I don't understand how she got that impression. As a devi, she first saw him slaughtering gods. As human, her first impression is sexual assault and then she spends several days having sex with him. Now, if she saw him in action outside the bedroom, I would understand, but she doesn't.
Overall the plot is good. There's a sound progression of events and the initial conflict is resolved. That is, the issue of the naaga invasion and Drumila’s new kingdom is settled. However, the end is not as neat as I prefer. It ends so swiftly after the climax that it’s like clipping the tail feathers off a bird with a kitchen knife.
CHARACTERS
There's a lot of grey in this cast. It's ogre demons vs snake demons vs gods but it plays out like three human nations going at it than celestial beings. Indeed, neither are more immune to things like sexual lust than humans despite their claims of superiority.
There is a wide cast of named characters here and most of them are made into individuals. I can recognize them by name but I cannot spell their names without looking them up; Asian Indian names and all. Below are three of them.
Drumila, the Underworld King in question, is a good protagonist. He is because one can see his desire to be a good king and look after his subjects. He has the unenviable task of trying to ensure a functional society made up of nether creatures ruled by tamas, or in the language of Tvtropes, they’re Always Chaotic Evil.
Shukracharya is Drumila's spiritual advisor. He's a demon but he's also an enlightened sage. He has fantastic powers ranging from teleportation to self-replication to reviving the dead. He's also wise and mystical. Thinking about him in retrospect, he's like the Hindu version of Saurman. (but not as cool.)
Arundhati could have easily been a Mary Sue; daughter of The Creator, immensely powerful, bewitchingly beautiful (even as a human), reincarnated into a wealthy human family, and effortlessly drives the Underworld King to distraction. However, she's not a Mary Sue. She has a small role here. It's an important role, no doubt about that, but it is a small role and a supporting role. Even when she decides act contrary to her father's plan, she can't do it alone and there are consequences to her actions.
POLISH
No trouble with spelling or grammar but I'm off a mixed opinion of the index. On one hand, I like seeing that extra detail and it works well for world building. This way the author can elaborate on some aspect of Hinduism without bogging down the story and I found many of them interesting. On the other hand, I think it is excessive. The index is ten pages long and most of the entries are more like translations than anything else. For instance, "dhanush" means "bow". It doesn't say anything else, like the kind of bow, and so I find this disruptive.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Underworld King" a B
Click here for the next review request: "Kindling Ashes"
Click here for the previous review request: "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties"
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
The Difference Between "Fantasy" and "Wish Fulfillment"
There is a difference between Fantasy-The-Genre and Fantasy-As-Wish-Fulfillment. The former is it's own genre and big enough to have its own subgenres. The later is not a genre but a trope used by the author for their own sake or to appeal to a certain kind of reader. It is a unfortunate coincidence that a synonymy for "supernatural" is also the word for anything that one wishes to happen, supernatural, mundane or otherwise.
I strongly object to those that call fantasy novels for Audience X something that Audience X fantasize about. This is due to the kinds of characters and plots they create.
Its purpose is not to tell a story but give someone something they want while simultaneously reminding them that they don't have whatever that is. It's empty and hollow because it contains nothing but a spotlight. It's often poorly written, possess shallow side characters and a vague world because the page-space is used to show how great the protagonist is. It feels like junk food. I don't want genuine fantasy associated with these things.
A kid having magic powers can be wishful fulfillment and fantasy at the same time, but it is always the later and not necessarily the former. Dark Fantasy, for instance, would be about a magically powerful kid in a dark setting that no one would want to go to. That's for getting scared. Wish fulfillment is like this one book whose review I read. (It will remain nameless because I don't want to name it in a such a context). It was about this superpowered kid whose parents allowed him to drive a car, by himself, with only a learner's permit. The first part of that sentence is Fantasy the genre and the second part is a fantasy that a teenager might have. If the superpower were mind control it would make sense but it's not, so it feels like it was put there because a potential reader for this book would want to do such a thing.
This sort of Wish Fulfillment fantasy can be seen among the "Three Varieties Of Protagonists ", for all of them can be used in pseudo wish granting. The Champion is everything the reader wishes they were, The Loser is everything they're glad they're not (or someone that could hypothetically sympathize with them) and the Everyman is a self-deception so they can believe these things are happening to them personally instead of a story book character. Regardless of the kind of protagonist, everything is subordinate to this protagonist and how this protagonist can cater to the reader. The internet has given a name to such a character: Mary Sue.
In a nut shell, the Mary Sue is a overly idealized character that is often an Author Avatar. They were originally found in fanfiction where they outshined all the canon characters and since then they have expanded to original series. They can be both "mundane" with their perfection (beautiful, rich, skilled at everything school/work has to offer etc) but also supernaturally (god-like power with many possible uses). Both of these can be called "fantasies" but more accurately they are both Wish Fulfillment with the later adding a supernatural element. There's a plot trope that truly combines them both.
It's called the Vampire Werewolf Love Triangle . Here the protagonist can have a "special and exciting life" in addition to being fought over romantically. There's a certain infamous book series built around this trope and whose author has admitted to making the protagonist as featureless as possible so girls could be better slot themselves into her place. Therefore, a genuine plot and character development do not occur.
That's my problem with all of the above.
I strongly object to those that call fantasy novels for Audience X something that Audience X fantasize about. This is due to the kinds of characters and plots they create.
Its purpose is not to tell a story but give someone something they want while simultaneously reminding them that they don't have whatever that is. It's empty and hollow because it contains nothing but a spotlight. It's often poorly written, possess shallow side characters and a vague world because the page-space is used to show how great the protagonist is. It feels like junk food. I don't want genuine fantasy associated with these things.
A kid having magic powers can be wishful fulfillment and fantasy at the same time, but it is always the later and not necessarily the former. Dark Fantasy, for instance, would be about a magically powerful kid in a dark setting that no one would want to go to. That's for getting scared. Wish fulfillment is like this one book whose review I read. (It will remain nameless because I don't want to name it in a such a context). It was about this superpowered kid whose parents allowed him to drive a car, by himself, with only a learner's permit. The first part of that sentence is Fantasy the genre and the second part is a fantasy that a teenager might have. If the superpower were mind control it would make sense but it's not, so it feels like it was put there because a potential reader for this book would want to do such a thing.
This sort of Wish Fulfillment fantasy can be seen among the "Three Varieties Of Protagonists ", for all of them can be used in pseudo wish granting. The Champion is everything the reader wishes they were, The Loser is everything they're glad they're not (or someone that could hypothetically sympathize with them) and the Everyman is a self-deception so they can believe these things are happening to them personally instead of a story book character. Regardless of the kind of protagonist, everything is subordinate to this protagonist and how this protagonist can cater to the reader. The internet has given a name to such a character: Mary Sue.
In a nut shell, the Mary Sue is a overly idealized character that is often an Author Avatar. They were originally found in fanfiction where they outshined all the canon characters and since then they have expanded to original series. They can be both "mundane" with their perfection (beautiful, rich, skilled at everything school/work has to offer etc) but also supernaturally (god-like power with many possible uses). Both of these can be called "fantasies" but more accurately they are both Wish Fulfillment with the later adding a supernatural element. There's a plot trope that truly combines them both.
It's called the Vampire Werewolf Love Triangle . Here the protagonist can have a "special and exciting life" in addition to being fought over romantically. There's a certain infamous book series built around this trope and whose author has admitted to making the protagonist as featureless as possible so girls could be better slot themselves into her place. Therefore, a genuine plot and character development do not occur.
That's my problem with all of the above.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
The Problem with Paid Reviews
Definitions first: I define Paid Reviews as "money for a review" and Solicited Reviews as "free book exchanged for review". This is the distinction between biased an unbiased.
The Problem with Paid Reviews is they are paid. This leads to three more problems.
1. They are fake
2. Money and Integrity can be at cross-purposes
3. Paid reviewers have less vested interest in genre preferences.
The first problem with paid reviews is that they are fake. Astro-turfing is the practice of artificial support that is supposed to look like genuine and intrinsic endorsement. It's dishonest, it's distasteful, and ultimately it is counterproductive. Fake reviews make the author that buys them look bad; it's no different than buying copies of their own book to increase their rating. The only way around this is to make the review long, detailed and balanced. This way the reviewer has to actually the read the book they're reviewing, reflect on it, and then write a unique review that can't be copy/pasted to the next paying customer.
The second problem is the Four Point Scale. I read about it on Tvtropes and in a nutshell it's about the tendency to avoid writing critical reviews/low scores to avoid cutting into their bottom line/ratings. By keeping the review positive the reviewer can keep the author happy who then shares the review, which increases the reviewer's visibility and brings in more authors. As soon as money comes into the equation, it can become a factor against reviewer integrity. When money is absent then there is no conflict of interest.
The third problem with paid reviews has to do with genre preference. When the reviewer is reviewing for money in place of enjoyment then they don't care what genre they read. Different genre have different fans; a fantasy author is writing for fantasy fans, thriller for thriller, romance for romance etc. If I write a mystery novel then I do not care about the opinion of someone that does not read mystery novels. If I was the paid reviewer, my dis-interest in a given genre might color my perception and bias the review.
Nicola Matthews is working a similar article of her own and she's going to reblog this post along with Reviews Not Endorsements which covers reviewing style.
The Problem with Paid Reviews is they are paid. This leads to three more problems.
1. They are fake
2. Money and Integrity can be at cross-purposes
3. Paid reviewers have less vested interest in genre preferences.
The first problem with paid reviews is that they are fake. Astro-turfing is the practice of artificial support that is supposed to look like genuine and intrinsic endorsement. It's dishonest, it's distasteful, and ultimately it is counterproductive. Fake reviews make the author that buys them look bad; it's no different than buying copies of their own book to increase their rating. The only way around this is to make the review long, detailed and balanced. This way the reviewer has to actually the read the book they're reviewing, reflect on it, and then write a unique review that can't be copy/pasted to the next paying customer.
The second problem is the Four Point Scale. I read about it on Tvtropes and in a nutshell it's about the tendency to avoid writing critical reviews/low scores to avoid cutting into their bottom line/ratings. By keeping the review positive the reviewer can keep the author happy who then shares the review, which increases the reviewer's visibility and brings in more authors. As soon as money comes into the equation, it can become a factor against reviewer integrity. When money is absent then there is no conflict of interest.
The third problem with paid reviews has to do with genre preference. When the reviewer is reviewing for money in place of enjoyment then they don't care what genre they read. Different genre have different fans; a fantasy author is writing for fantasy fans, thriller for thriller, romance for romance etc. If I write a mystery novel then I do not care about the opinion of someone that does not read mystery novels. If I was the paid reviewer, my dis-interest in a given genre might color my perception and bias the review.
Nicola Matthews is working a similar article of her own and she's going to reblog this post along with Reviews Not Endorsements which covers reviewing style.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Answering Review Request: Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties
Chris Palmer asked me to read a story written by him and J Bean Palmer, "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties". It's the third in a series but each one is a stand alone. It's about Elsbeth's ancestors calling her to old country to fight them against someone trying to steal the family's ancestral land. I will examine plot, characters and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
On the whole I have good things to say about the plot.
The prologue, for instance, is fantastic. It encapsulates the premise in a concise and poetic manner while also wrapping it in the airs of an epic. This book is not an epic but this prologue made me eager to read the rest regardless.
The build up to the main action, traveling to Ireland, builds up that eagerness. An acquaintance of Elsbeth, the South Wind, blows her ship across the Atlantic Ocean. She knows something strange is happening because South Wind wouldn't do that on his own. It's a sense of mystery that drives the story forward. There's also an amusing explanation for how the kids survive the long trip: the boat belongs to Robert's Uncle Preston and Uncle Preston really likes peanut butter so there's this huge stash of it on the boat.
I like the event in Ireland itself too. There's a good development of events, some interesting world building and a plausible reason for why the kids are solving the problem instead of adults. Thus, no use of the Adults Are Useless trope.
It's the climax and resolution that I dislike. There's this Idiot Ball that leads to the climax which creates a forced crisis. Then it's like the ball breeds and lots of people are holding one. It's jarring. Because of this idiot ball, the sense of triumph afterward falls flat for me.
However, even here I liked how the crisis is resolved. It's clever, it's foreshadowed instead of an Ass Pull, and it's karmarific. My only gripe is the path there.
CHARACTERS
Characters are also good. 9 out of 10 times it's a good idea to show rather than tell when it comes to character development and that is the case here. Rather than talk about Lisa Lee being smart, the reader sees her give exposition on ocean currents or mentally calculate the odds of something happening. Then there's this quote about Veronica. It fits her so "perfectly" that Tvtropes would call it an Establishing Character Moment:
"Veronica sped in right beside her on her perfectly clean new bike, perfectly dressed in crisp navy and white, perfectly prepared for a day at sea. In other words, perfectly Veronica." (2nd page of the 2nd chapter)
Gorgeous Banks also makes a good villain. He's introduced at the castle's doorstep, trying to charm his way inside while the local kids' parents are away. There's this sliminess to him and veiled menance. He convinces Robert to do something terrible for him by appealing to his love of treasure hunting. When parents warn their children about the "bad stranger", this is the guy they're talking about.
The three ghosts are good too but my favorite is Durst. He is what happens when an epic hero becomes a grumpy old man. He's a sympathetic character but at the same time, the contrast is comical.
My problem with the characters is the drop in IQ of the heroes as they go into the climax. Also, Gorgeous Banks decays into a caricature of greedy polluters and evil bureaucrats around the same time.
POLISH
For the grammar, I am of two minds: 1.) The many sentences starting with "and" or "but", among other things, make the book sound like it was written by a nine year old. 2.) The story is written for nine year olds from the perspective of a nine year old, and I am a Grammar Nazi.
Pacing, on the whole, is good. I feel like the plot spins its wheels in one specific spot, but this spot is short and easy to overlook.
If it weren't for the problems in the climax, I'd have no qualms about giving this book a B+, but as it stands I have those qualms.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties" a C+
Click here for the next review request The "Underworld King"
Click here for the previous review request "Destiny of the Wulf"
PLOT
On the whole I have good things to say about the plot.
The prologue, for instance, is fantastic. It encapsulates the premise in a concise and poetic manner while also wrapping it in the airs of an epic. This book is not an epic but this prologue made me eager to read the rest regardless.
The build up to the main action, traveling to Ireland, builds up that eagerness. An acquaintance of Elsbeth, the South Wind, blows her ship across the Atlantic Ocean. She knows something strange is happening because South Wind wouldn't do that on his own. It's a sense of mystery that drives the story forward. There's also an amusing explanation for how the kids survive the long trip: the boat belongs to Robert's Uncle Preston and Uncle Preston really likes peanut butter so there's this huge stash of it on the boat.
I like the event in Ireland itself too. There's a good development of events, some interesting world building and a plausible reason for why the kids are solving the problem instead of adults. Thus, no use of the Adults Are Useless trope.
It's the climax and resolution that I dislike. There's this Idiot Ball that leads to the climax which creates a forced crisis. Then it's like the ball breeds and lots of people are holding one. It's jarring. Because of this idiot ball, the sense of triumph afterward falls flat for me.
However, even here I liked how the crisis is resolved. It's clever, it's foreshadowed instead of an Ass Pull, and it's karmarific. My only gripe is the path there.
CHARACTERS
Characters are also good. 9 out of 10 times it's a good idea to show rather than tell when it comes to character development and that is the case here. Rather than talk about Lisa Lee being smart, the reader sees her give exposition on ocean currents or mentally calculate the odds of something happening. Then there's this quote about Veronica. It fits her so "perfectly" that Tvtropes would call it an Establishing Character Moment:
"Veronica sped in right beside her on her perfectly clean new bike, perfectly dressed in crisp navy and white, perfectly prepared for a day at sea. In other words, perfectly Veronica." (2nd page of the 2nd chapter)
Gorgeous Banks also makes a good villain. He's introduced at the castle's doorstep, trying to charm his way inside while the local kids' parents are away. There's this sliminess to him and veiled menance. He convinces Robert to do something terrible for him by appealing to his love of treasure hunting. When parents warn their children about the "bad stranger", this is the guy they're talking about.
The three ghosts are good too but my favorite is Durst. He is what happens when an epic hero becomes a grumpy old man. He's a sympathetic character but at the same time, the contrast is comical.
My problem with the characters is the drop in IQ of the heroes as they go into the climax. Also, Gorgeous Banks decays into a caricature of greedy polluters and evil bureaucrats around the same time.
POLISH
For the grammar, I am of two minds: 1.) The many sentences starting with "and" or "but", among other things, make the book sound like it was written by a nine year old. 2.) The story is written for nine year olds from the perspective of a nine year old, and I am a Grammar Nazi.
Pacing, on the whole, is good. I feel like the plot spins its wheels in one specific spot, but this spot is short and easy to overlook.
If it weren't for the problems in the climax, I'd have no qualms about giving this book a B+, but as it stands I have those qualms.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties" a C+
Click here for the next review request The "Underworld King"
Click here for the previous review request "Destiny of the Wulf"
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
16 Plot Holes and Idiot Balls
Disclaimer: The point of this post is not to trash "Destiny of the Wulf". It is to serve as an example of plot holes in general. A number of readers disagree with me and that's okay.
TvTropes defines "Plot Hole" as "gaps in a story where things happen without a logical reason". They can be deliberate or accidental but in both cases they can damage the Willing Suspension of Disbelief. These sorts of things include events that don't follow a logical cause-and-effect transition path, characters whose motives and actions don't make sense for their own characterization and worlds that don't work according to their own internal logic. If a work seeks to be taken seriously but has numerous plot holes than it will be mocked instead.
Tvtropes defines "Idiot Ball" as "A moment where a character's stupidity fuels an episode, or a small plot line."
It is a bout of temporary stupidity that is enforced upon a character by their writer so that the writer can direct the plot in the way they want. This trope is so commonly used and appears in so many ways that it has a long list of subtropes; from poor communication to forgetting about inconvenient superpowers to sudden relationship conflicts.
Idiot Balls are one of the things I look for when I review a book. I can't stand them because they damage the integrity of the book; the event is unnatural and so the events it spawns are unnatural and as a result I can't take them seriously. Characterization also suffers because it sets back development and turns them into plot props instead of true characters. If I don't see one of these, the worst I'll score your book is a C-.
This post will focus on last book I reviewed: Destiny of the Wulf by Harrison Davies. (You can read that review here) and the categories I will use are 1.) Bad Leadership, 2.) Because Destiny Says So. 3.) Bad Security and 4.) General idiocy.
WARNING! This list will cover the book from start to finish. If you don't want spoilers, do not read. I repeat. Cover-to-Cover spoilers await you further down this post.
Bad Security
1. The boys have this splendid destiny and yet they're raised in a small village without more protection than their parents. The Brotherhood knows how important these two are before they're born and their father is a high ranking member, yet he leaves the safety of the temple for this fishing village. There are many ways the boys could have died as a result of this decision. Then the Brotherhood would be without their pair of saviors before the story starts.
2. The Brotherhood's security is lacking. It relies on scary tactics and a single chasm that is enchanted to carry allies across but not enemies. There are no patrols or anything to monitor the chasm. For a bastion of good, there is surprisingly little stopping an invasion. This means it is easy for Draken to start one.
3. Draken is banned for life from the Brotherhood Temple and even after the boys insist he come with them (itself an idiot ball considering their relationship from previous chapters) he has a single person guarding him. This person pays little attention to him and is easily killed.
4. Merein, the former Curator, says there is no need for anyone to visit the Scroll of Life. Yet she shows Connin because she thinks he would find it interesting. This means disabling all the security measures to keep Death away for a moment's wonder. She admits that there is no way to stop Death if he ever got this far. This is like exposing one's heart to a dagger because it would be interesting.
5. Death possesses Connin. It's not explained how he does this (itself a plot hole) but what I'm focusing on here is that no step taken to make sure it doesn't happen again. This guy is one of the two leaders of the Brotherhood and one of the two saviors, yet the bad guy jumping into his mind doesn't worry anyone after the event.
Bad Leadership
6. The boys' village gets into famine trouble because beavers made a damn in their river. This by itself is a problem because couldn't they have located the problem earlier or found something else to eat?
7. As a result of the famine, the village makes a trade deal with an orc community to get by, and they don't keep up their end of the deal. This village believes the orcs to be savages and they lost men in the negations and yet they don't keep up their end of the bargain. This leads to an attack that kills most of the place, including the boy's parents and almost themselves.
8. General Jericho, decides to take a unnecessary risk because he's retiring soon and he wants a little extra glory. His home and way of life are on the line. It is unsurprising that he is captured as a result.
Because Destiny Said So
9. The boys are chosen for two of the three highest positions in the Brotherhood: Curator and General. There is no reason for this other than Because Destiny Says So. The current curator has been doing a great job so far so why doesn't she continue while the boys do their save the world thing.
10. If Destiny is going to say they have these roles then how about some battle plans or information on the locations of the Macguffins?
11. The Brotherhood at large believes that the boys' father left the Brotherhood to marry their mother. It later said that this is not the case but then why make that claim? It makes them antagonistic to the boys because of the Sins Of Our Fathers.
General Plot holes
12. After their parents are killed, the boys are raised by their evil uncle. He was a leader in a civil war that tried to take over the Brotherhood with dark magic. The other guy was thrown into a volcano but he was just banished. This is the guy that raised the two saviors. You'd think their parents would have a better role model waiting in the wing.
13. Because of their upbringing away from the Brotherhood, the boys dislike talk of destiny, detest the gods, lack training, and are thus unbelieving and uncooperative when they met the Brotherhood. If they were so destined to work for the gods then why don't their parents raise them this way? They tell the boys nothing when they were alive yet insist on it after they become Spirit Advisors.
14. The guide to the Brotherhood Temple (Trenobin) has one of the Swords of Cerathil (the ones mentioned in the blurb) and says that the others are lost and makes it sound like it's no big deal. "Sadly" isn't the word I'd use to describe something that would put the survival of the world in jeopardy.
15. Later on, Draken declares his intent to find the swords and says he needs the boys to help him do this. Trenobin acts like this is some terrible evil and declares that he's going to stop Draken. This is precisely what the boys need to do; find the swords. I can only assume that Trenobin was misinformed about what the swords are which is itself a plot hole because he's one that's supposed to use it for the world-saving-thing in five years.
16. The only thing worse is how Connin "defeats" Death. These two together come straight out of Harry Potter. It is not explained how submitting to Death allows one to expel Death from one's body. You'd think Death would be aware of something like that.
This book has some good world building, an interesting culture for the Brotherhood, and the makings of a great Order vs Chaos style struggle between the Brotherhood and its thus far nameless adversary. The boys themselves have this Brains and Brawns dynamic that worked well during a battle sequence. The problem are all these plotholes. They turn me off of future books in this series.
TvTropes defines "Plot Hole" as "gaps in a story where things happen without a logical reason". They can be deliberate or accidental but in both cases they can damage the Willing Suspension of Disbelief. These sorts of things include events that don't follow a logical cause-and-effect transition path, characters whose motives and actions don't make sense for their own characterization and worlds that don't work according to their own internal logic. If a work seeks to be taken seriously but has numerous plot holes than it will be mocked instead.
Tvtropes defines "Idiot Ball" as "A moment where a character's stupidity fuels an episode, or a small plot line."
It is a bout of temporary stupidity that is enforced upon a character by their writer so that the writer can direct the plot in the way they want. This trope is so commonly used and appears in so many ways that it has a long list of subtropes; from poor communication to forgetting about inconvenient superpowers to sudden relationship conflicts.
Idiot Balls are one of the things I look for when I review a book. I can't stand them because they damage the integrity of the book; the event is unnatural and so the events it spawns are unnatural and as a result I can't take them seriously. Characterization also suffers because it sets back development and turns them into plot props instead of true characters. If I don't see one of these, the worst I'll score your book is a C-.
This post will focus on last book I reviewed: Destiny of the Wulf by Harrison Davies. (You can read that review here) and the categories I will use are 1.) Bad Leadership, 2.) Because Destiny Says So. 3.) Bad Security and 4.) General idiocy.
WARNING! This list will cover the book from start to finish. If you don't want spoilers, do not read. I repeat. Cover-to-Cover spoilers await you further down this post.
Bad Security
1. The boys have this splendid destiny and yet they're raised in a small village without more protection than their parents. The Brotherhood knows how important these two are before they're born and their father is a high ranking member, yet he leaves the safety of the temple for this fishing village. There are many ways the boys could have died as a result of this decision. Then the Brotherhood would be without their pair of saviors before the story starts.
2. The Brotherhood's security is lacking. It relies on scary tactics and a single chasm that is enchanted to carry allies across but not enemies. There are no patrols or anything to monitor the chasm. For a bastion of good, there is surprisingly little stopping an invasion. This means it is easy for Draken to start one.
3. Draken is banned for life from the Brotherhood Temple and even after the boys insist he come with them (itself an idiot ball considering their relationship from previous chapters) he has a single person guarding him. This person pays little attention to him and is easily killed.
4. Merein, the former Curator, says there is no need for anyone to visit the Scroll of Life. Yet she shows Connin because she thinks he would find it interesting. This means disabling all the security measures to keep Death away for a moment's wonder. She admits that there is no way to stop Death if he ever got this far. This is like exposing one's heart to a dagger because it would be interesting.
5. Death possesses Connin. It's not explained how he does this (itself a plot hole) but what I'm focusing on here is that no step taken to make sure it doesn't happen again. This guy is one of the two leaders of the Brotherhood and one of the two saviors, yet the bad guy jumping into his mind doesn't worry anyone after the event.
Bad Leadership
6. The boys' village gets into famine trouble because beavers made a damn in their river. This by itself is a problem because couldn't they have located the problem earlier or found something else to eat?
7. As a result of the famine, the village makes a trade deal with an orc community to get by, and they don't keep up their end of the deal. This village believes the orcs to be savages and they lost men in the negations and yet they don't keep up their end of the bargain. This leads to an attack that kills most of the place, including the boy's parents and almost themselves.
8. General Jericho, decides to take a unnecessary risk because he's retiring soon and he wants a little extra glory. His home and way of life are on the line. It is unsurprising that he is captured as a result.
Because Destiny Said So
9. The boys are chosen for two of the three highest positions in the Brotherhood: Curator and General. There is no reason for this other than Because Destiny Says So. The current curator has been doing a great job so far so why doesn't she continue while the boys do their save the world thing.
10. If Destiny is going to say they have these roles then how about some battle plans or information on the locations of the Macguffins?
11. The Brotherhood at large believes that the boys' father left the Brotherhood to marry their mother. It later said that this is not the case but then why make that claim? It makes them antagonistic to the boys because of the Sins Of Our Fathers.
General Plot holes
12. After their parents are killed, the boys are raised by their evil uncle. He was a leader in a civil war that tried to take over the Brotherhood with dark magic. The other guy was thrown into a volcano but he was just banished. This is the guy that raised the two saviors. You'd think their parents would have a better role model waiting in the wing.
13. Because of their upbringing away from the Brotherhood, the boys dislike talk of destiny, detest the gods, lack training, and are thus unbelieving and uncooperative when they met the Brotherhood. If they were so destined to work for the gods then why don't their parents raise them this way? They tell the boys nothing when they were alive yet insist on it after they become Spirit Advisors.
14. The guide to the Brotherhood Temple (Trenobin) has one of the Swords of Cerathil (the ones mentioned in the blurb) and says that the others are lost and makes it sound like it's no big deal. "Sadly" isn't the word I'd use to describe something that would put the survival of the world in jeopardy.
15. Later on, Draken declares his intent to find the swords and says he needs the boys to help him do this. Trenobin acts like this is some terrible evil and declares that he's going to stop Draken. This is precisely what the boys need to do; find the swords. I can only assume that Trenobin was misinformed about what the swords are which is itself a plot hole because he's one that's supposed to use it for the world-saving-thing in five years.
16. The only thing worse is how Connin "defeats" Death. These two together come straight out of Harry Potter. It is not explained how submitting to Death allows one to expel Death from one's body. You'd think Death would be aware of something like that.
This book has some good world building, an interesting culture for the Brotherhood, and the makings of a great Order vs Chaos style struggle between the Brotherhood and its thus far nameless adversary. The boys themselves have this Brains and Brawns dynamic that worked well during a battle sequence. The problem are all these plotholes. They turn me off of future books in this series.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Answering Review Request "Destiny of the Wuf"
Harrison Davies asked me to read his fantasy novel "Destiny of the Wulf". It's about two brothers, Coinin and Marrok, and how they are chosen by destiny to save the world from the god of Death. I will examine plot, character and polish before assigning a grade.
PLOT
I have little good to say about the plot. There are so many plot holes, there's little left to speak well about. In the prologue alone, there are half a dozen idiot balls and because of this I could not take the plot seriously. I will post all of them in a separate post because they would take up too much room here.
I see nothing original in the plot but that by itself would not be a problem. I don't believe in 100 percent originality and I have written a number of blog posts to this effect: Originality is a Myth, Originality And Tradition and Inspirational Monday-TvTropes all talk about how 100 %originality is impossible so I don't hold that against anyone. My problem is when the tropes are used sloppily. It was like checking things off on a list:
1. Farm Boys (fishing boys in this case)
2. Trained for a great purpose that they are told nothing of.
3. Doomed hometown
4. Parental Abandonment
5. Dark and Troubled Past
6. Great Destiny!
7. Secret Heritage
8. War Sequence where they play a pivotal role
9. Parents as Spirit Advisors.
10. Beautiful girls in the new exotic setting that (in one case) immediately falls for one of the brothers.
Few of these make any sense, as I will talk about in detail in a future post, and so they sound like the author is following a formula without thought for the integrity of the novel as a whole. At times they seem to have no purpose other than wish fulfillment.
Normally, I would use this area to talk about the things I disliked, but this time I will talk about the things I liked instead.
1. Generally speaking, battles/action are good. For instance, The War Sequence when the Brotherhood Temple is attacked is pretty cool. My favorite part of it is when Coinin possesses an enemy mountain troll and tricks the other trolls into attacking the enemy goblins.
2. Coinin's initiation into the Brotherhood and the swearing-in ritual for the Curator are also well thought out and interesting. I would liked to have seen more of that.
3. Marrok's rediscovery of his faith is a powerful moment. It has the feel and atmosphere of a Christian Confession and Reconciliation.
Finally, the ending. The amazon blurb says "as the ultimate battle for survival begins..." which is accurate. This book is just a beginning. There is no resolution. It is a goading cliffhanger. I despise these for reasons that are also best left for a future post.
CHARACTERS
When it comes to the book's cast I have a mixed opinion.
By the third act, the brothers were well developed but until then they are distinguished primarily by "the one with mind swap power and the one without".
Of Draken, the brother's uncle, I have little reason to believe should be in this plot. The brothers do not like him as he was strict in their studies and fond of the lash. No one in the Brotherhood likes him because he did something worthy of exile. Going off these opinions and the brother's Great Destiny, he should have been excluded from this plot. His lack of motive and his drifting in and out of focus makes him feel more like a plot device than a genuine character.
I liked how Merein developed into a motherly figure for Connin. It is a vivid and consistent thing with little touches to fill in the gaps and make it real. It also makes sense for her to be so because she is the previous Curator and thus Coinin's predecessor. However, my problem is that it happens too quickly and it is jarring considering their first meeting; it involved death threats.
Talina has a decent backstory (which is more than others can say at this point) but her role is confined to Satellite Love Interest and disappears after this role is fulfilled. She doesn't even get a mention in the final section, despite the fact that the nature of this section is something Marrok thought would be a sticking point for courting her earlier in the novel.
Mort is a Generic Doomsday Villain, but when the villain is the personification of Death, this is forgivable and even understandable. However, he only has two scenes. The main villain or his chief enforcer should have a bigger presence in a story like this.
POLISH
Nothing wrong in the way of spelling or grammar errors. The problem is in the pacing.
The pacing was funky. Normally in a fantasy novel there is this sense of escalation leading to the climax, the highest point, but that doesn't happen here. It feels confused. The climax was twenty or so pages before the end of the book. That section would have better served as the prologue for the next book instead of a lame cliffhanger.
The three scenes I mentioned earlier save this book from the worst grade.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Destiny of the Wulf" a D-
Click here for the next review request: "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties"
Click here for the previous Review Request: Dark Space 2: Invisible War
PLOT
I have little good to say about the plot. There are so many plot holes, there's little left to speak well about. In the prologue alone, there are half a dozen idiot balls and because of this I could not take the plot seriously. I will post all of them in a separate post because they would take up too much room here.
I see nothing original in the plot but that by itself would not be a problem. I don't believe in 100 percent originality and I have written a number of blog posts to this effect: Originality is a Myth, Originality And Tradition and Inspirational Monday-TvTropes all talk about how 100 %originality is impossible so I don't hold that against anyone. My problem is when the tropes are used sloppily. It was like checking things off on a list:
1. Farm Boys (fishing boys in this case)
2. Trained for a great purpose that they are told nothing of.
3. Doomed hometown
4. Parental Abandonment
5. Dark and Troubled Past
6. Great Destiny!
7. Secret Heritage
8. War Sequence where they play a pivotal role
9. Parents as Spirit Advisors.
10. Beautiful girls in the new exotic setting that (in one case) immediately falls for one of the brothers.
Few of these make any sense, as I will talk about in detail in a future post, and so they sound like the author is following a formula without thought for the integrity of the novel as a whole. At times they seem to have no purpose other than wish fulfillment.
Normally, I would use this area to talk about the things I disliked, but this time I will talk about the things I liked instead.
1. Generally speaking, battles/action are good. For instance, The War Sequence when the Brotherhood Temple is attacked is pretty cool. My favorite part of it is when Coinin possesses an enemy mountain troll and tricks the other trolls into attacking the enemy goblins.
2. Coinin's initiation into the Brotherhood and the swearing-in ritual for the Curator are also well thought out and interesting. I would liked to have seen more of that.
3. Marrok's rediscovery of his faith is a powerful moment. It has the feel and atmosphere of a Christian Confession and Reconciliation.
Finally, the ending. The amazon blurb says "as the ultimate battle for survival begins..." which is accurate. This book is just a beginning. There is no resolution. It is a goading cliffhanger. I despise these for reasons that are also best left for a future post.
CHARACTERS
When it comes to the book's cast I have a mixed opinion.
By the third act, the brothers were well developed but until then they are distinguished primarily by "the one with mind swap power and the one without".
Of Draken, the brother's uncle, I have little reason to believe should be in this plot. The brothers do not like him as he was strict in their studies and fond of the lash. No one in the Brotherhood likes him because he did something worthy of exile. Going off these opinions and the brother's Great Destiny, he should have been excluded from this plot. His lack of motive and his drifting in and out of focus makes him feel more like a plot device than a genuine character.
I liked how Merein developed into a motherly figure for Connin. It is a vivid and consistent thing with little touches to fill in the gaps and make it real. It also makes sense for her to be so because she is the previous Curator and thus Coinin's predecessor. However, my problem is that it happens too quickly and it is jarring considering their first meeting; it involved death threats.
Talina has a decent backstory (which is more than others can say at this point) but her role is confined to Satellite Love Interest and disappears after this role is fulfilled. She doesn't even get a mention in the final section, despite the fact that the nature of this section is something Marrok thought would be a sticking point for courting her earlier in the novel.
Mort is a Generic Doomsday Villain, but when the villain is the personification of Death, this is forgivable and even understandable. However, he only has two scenes. The main villain or his chief enforcer should have a bigger presence in a story like this.
POLISH
Nothing wrong in the way of spelling or grammar errors. The problem is in the pacing.
The pacing was funky. Normally in a fantasy novel there is this sense of escalation leading to the climax, the highest point, but that doesn't happen here. It feels confused. The climax was twenty or so pages before the end of the book. That section would have better served as the prologue for the next book instead of a lame cliffhanger.
The three scenes I mentioned earlier save this book from the worst grade.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Destiny of the Wulf" a D-
Click here for the next review request: "Elsbeth and the Call of the Castle Ghosties"
Click here for the previous Review Request: Dark Space 2: Invisible War
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Advantages and Disadvantages of Pantsing
By "pantsing" I do not mean the prank by which someone pulls down the pants of another in public in order to cause them public exposure shame. Instead I mean the abbreviation of the phrase "Writing by the seat of one's pants" which in other words has the meaning of "making it up as you go". As I rewrite Looming Shadow and consider how much time I need to do so, I reflect on the advantages and disadvantages of this writing style.
Ever since I started writing fanfiction back in Middle School I have been a "pantser". I didn't plan out the whole story in advance, and I certainly didn't plan out the individual arcs or scenes. I would write down ideas as I had them and keep a rough idea of the general arc of the story in mind as I wrote, but everything was subject to change as I wrote the story and the plot took shape. Even when I went to college and structured my class papers (thesis-general outline-specific outline etc) I continued writing my novel as it came to me. (This was A Mage's Power but at the time it was called "Trickster Help Service".) I wrote two sequels before publishing the first one. My intention was to go back to the first when the last was done and revise once I knew what I was doing with the plot.
Advantages of Pantsing
1. 90% of writing time was spent on genuine writing; not prewriting.
---As a full-time college student, I had precious little free time and so I did not want to squander it on something that I did not believe was progress. The end result was a novel whose first draft was completed within a year. I had nothing to compare this to but considering my rewrite took longer, I believe it is quick.
2. Natural Flow of Cause and Effect
---As I wrote A Mage's Power, I had only a vague idea of what would happen next. I would make something up; anything that was funny or gave me a chance for world building. Because I didn't force characters or events to happen I believe I avoided problems such as idiot balls.
3. Focus on Characters
I'll never forget what I learned from a speaker in a creative creating course; "Plot is nothing more than a character in trouble." Without a top-down plot, I had to understand my characters and what they would do with each step. That lead me to get to know them better. The plot follows their traits instead of their traits following the plot.
The changes to the first draft of A Mage's Power were legion but on the whole they were superficial so I felt that my approach was justified. Now I am not sure.
I started revising Looming Shadow around this time last year. The first arc required few changes and the second more and the third arc more still. It was like overturning a rock and finding all sorts of bugs and rust. Every arc required more rewriting. In places, I was chucking entire chapters out. Other stuff was moved around. In short, I rebuilt it from the first floor up because I didn't have a plan.
Disadvantages of Pantsing
1. More Rewriting
---Looming Shadow had no plan. I had a premise but it ceased to be a driving point in a certain arc and sputtered out without a sense of resolution. Then something happened that blindsided me. Yes, the author himself didn't expect this twist. I couldn't carry on with my previous idea and so the rest was only tenuously tied together. When I looked back on it, I realized how loose and unappealing it had become. The only solution was to rewrite the story with a plan that could hold everything together. The end result is a novel that has taken twice as long to complete as its prequel and it's still not done yet.
2. Disorganized
---Pantsing is useful for getting ideas on paper and forging a trail. However, this trail lead through a dense forest whose leaves blocked out the sun. I had no idea where I was going and in many places the trail looked forced. There was no continuity or purpose; only a series of independent events happening to the same person.
3. Who's on First?
Characters drive Plot but how to know which and how many characters are involved with the plot? A single ingredient can radically alter the flavor of a dish and so can a single character send a plot down a drastically different path. What if such a character shows up at the end of the novel and you wonder why they didn't show up earlier? In reverse, what if such a character shows up early but you later decide it makes more sense for them to turn up later?
It would have been nice to have a plan.
When I write Eric 3, the change will be even more dramatic and widespread. I have a second draft 95% done, and I might have to chuck the whole thing out. I hope it doesn't come to that.
For more posts about editing see ""BLAM and the Author's Knowledge" and "Outlines-Character Action List"
Ever since I started writing fanfiction back in Middle School I have been a "pantser". I didn't plan out the whole story in advance, and I certainly didn't plan out the individual arcs or scenes. I would write down ideas as I had them and keep a rough idea of the general arc of the story in mind as I wrote, but everything was subject to change as I wrote the story and the plot took shape. Even when I went to college and structured my class papers (thesis-general outline-specific outline etc) I continued writing my novel as it came to me. (This was A Mage's Power but at the time it was called "Trickster Help Service".) I wrote two sequels before publishing the first one. My intention was to go back to the first when the last was done and revise once I knew what I was doing with the plot.
Advantages of Pantsing
1. 90% of writing time was spent on genuine writing; not prewriting.
---As a full-time college student, I had precious little free time and so I did not want to squander it on something that I did not believe was progress. The end result was a novel whose first draft was completed within a year. I had nothing to compare this to but considering my rewrite took longer, I believe it is quick.
2. Natural Flow of Cause and Effect
---As I wrote A Mage's Power, I had only a vague idea of what would happen next. I would make something up; anything that was funny or gave me a chance for world building. Because I didn't force characters or events to happen I believe I avoided problems such as idiot balls.
3. Focus on Characters
I'll never forget what I learned from a speaker in a creative creating course; "Plot is nothing more than a character in trouble." Without a top-down plot, I had to understand my characters and what they would do with each step. That lead me to get to know them better. The plot follows their traits instead of their traits following the plot.
The changes to the first draft of A Mage's Power were legion but on the whole they were superficial so I felt that my approach was justified. Now I am not sure.
I started revising Looming Shadow around this time last year. The first arc required few changes and the second more and the third arc more still. It was like overturning a rock and finding all sorts of bugs and rust. Every arc required more rewriting. In places, I was chucking entire chapters out. Other stuff was moved around. In short, I rebuilt it from the first floor up because I didn't have a plan.
Disadvantages of Pantsing
1. More Rewriting
---Looming Shadow had no plan. I had a premise but it ceased to be a driving point in a certain arc and sputtered out without a sense of resolution. Then something happened that blindsided me. Yes, the author himself didn't expect this twist. I couldn't carry on with my previous idea and so the rest was only tenuously tied together. When I looked back on it, I realized how loose and unappealing it had become. The only solution was to rewrite the story with a plan that could hold everything together. The end result is a novel that has taken twice as long to complete as its prequel and it's still not done yet.
2. Disorganized
---Pantsing is useful for getting ideas on paper and forging a trail. However, this trail lead through a dense forest whose leaves blocked out the sun. I had no idea where I was going and in many places the trail looked forced. There was no continuity or purpose; only a series of independent events happening to the same person.
3. Who's on First?
Characters drive Plot but how to know which and how many characters are involved with the plot? A single ingredient can radically alter the flavor of a dish and so can a single character send a plot down a drastically different path. What if such a character shows up at the end of the novel and you wonder why they didn't show up earlier? In reverse, what if such a character shows up early but you later decide it makes more sense for them to turn up later?
It would have been nice to have a plan.
When I write Eric 3, the change will be even more dramatic and widespread. I have a second draft 95% done, and I might have to chuck the whole thing out. I hope it doesn't come to that.
For more posts about editing see ""BLAM and the Author's Knowledge" and "Outlines-Character Action List"
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Three Varieties of Protagonists
As I travel the vast distances of Tvtropes, and examine various stories across the mediums, I find some archetypes that are meant to relate to the audience; be relatable to them and form a connection to them. It relates to the power of the protagonist to inspire or comfort.
I don't buy into this "relatable/identifiable protagonist"; I can enjoy Big O's Roger Smith, Evangelion Shinji Ikari, Ranma 1/2's Ranma Saotome and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann's Kamina all the same. However, I see that sort of thing on TvTropes and in reviews. One review in particular, one for my own A Mage's Power is the inspiration for this post and another one.
I've written about two of these types before, the Loser and the Champion, but that one was more my personal feelings on the matter. I hope to make this one more objective and informative.
The first type is The Champion. I see this type as a larger than life presence. Someone that is bursting with confidence and drive to achieve their goals, and their goals will be just as ambitious and lofty as their personality. They're likely to be loud but just as likely to more of a tranquil focus. The point is to create a dynamic personality that can both carry and drive a plot, who is also fun to cheer for.
Example: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagan: Kamina is technically not the protagonist (a matter of heated debate in the fandom) but he is pretty close nonetheless. He is so popular that he has become a meme for badass masculinity; his sunglasses are photoshopped onto unrelated characters to make them more badass because in doing so they become more like him.
Th second type is The Loser. The protagonist has flaws upon flaws that make them fail at everything. I don't understand why anyone would do this. I see a few possibilities such as a Seinfeld style comedy or some philosophical drama about a guy whose life gets progressively worse, but these are limiting and would get old and confining quickly. Generally it's better to have a flawed protagonist than an outright loser.
Example: Shinji Ikai from Neon Genesis Evangelion. He's a whinny and weak willed and overall he's depressing to watch. He would have died in the first episode if his mom didn't go berserk and tear the Third Angel apart on his behalf. A lot of his fanfiction involves him growing a spine in one way or another and some of the more popular (as I've seen on TvTropes and Fanfiction.net) make him into an outright champion.
These two are a contrast of "Wishing you were" vs "Glad you're not". Oddly enough, both shows have enjoyed tremendous popularity. In the middle of these two is the third kind.
The Everyman:
A nice person without distinguishing traits; no eccentrics, no major virtues, nor any outstanding vices. Their personal history is different and their story but they themselves are more cookie cuter. They exist to be "relatable" and this is supposed to work by appealing to the lowest common denominator and giving them traits that the target audience as a whole supposedly has.
I can't think of any use for this kind of character other than Audience Surrogate and so they will likely be a Supporting Protagonist or a Pinball Protagonist because they're too bland to carry the story on their own.
Naturally, there are more than just these three kinds of protagonists but I pointed them out to sketch a way stories geared toward a particular audience are viewed and made. The Protagonist is designed to appeal to and/or relate to this audience because the writer/publisher/etc believe that will increase sales/viewership/etc. This is not the case with me.
When I wrote A Mage's Power, I was more interested in the world that Eric would inhabit than Eric himself. I put great thought into how the magic system worked, the gods and their purpose in this world, justifying the existence of monsters and respawning like in RPGs, and the social/political culture of kingdom that Eric lives in. Eric himself received little attention in the pre-writing stage because he was less important. As a result, he became generic, and because my self-imposed "Zero to Hero" challenge, he was spineless and incompetent.
In other words, he became a hybrid of the Loser and Everyman. This lead to other reviews that said the plot lacked direction. Indeed, because Eric has no goal beyond getting by in the first book, he does not drive the plot and so indeed he gets involved in a number of different activities and not one of them commands the spotlight.
I came to this conclusion after receiving a certain review. It praised the supporting case but was critical of the protagonist. These supporting characters all had more thorough backstories than Eric starting off and developed more quickly during the drafts. It is only while rewriting the second book, Looming Shadow, that I feel I have truly gotten to know my protagonist.
I don't buy into this "relatable/identifiable protagonist"; I can enjoy Big O's Roger Smith, Evangelion Shinji Ikari, Ranma 1/2's Ranma Saotome and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann's Kamina all the same. However, I see that sort of thing on TvTropes and in reviews. One review in particular, one for my own A Mage's Power is the inspiration for this post and another one.
I've written about two of these types before, the Loser and the Champion, but that one was more my personal feelings on the matter. I hope to make this one more objective and informative.
The first type is The Champion. I see this type as a larger than life presence. Someone that is bursting with confidence and drive to achieve their goals, and their goals will be just as ambitious and lofty as their personality. They're likely to be loud but just as likely to more of a tranquil focus. The point is to create a dynamic personality that can both carry and drive a plot, who is also fun to cheer for.
Example: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagan: Kamina is technically not the protagonist (a matter of heated debate in the fandom) but he is pretty close nonetheless. He is so popular that he has become a meme for badass masculinity; his sunglasses are photoshopped onto unrelated characters to make them more badass because in doing so they become more like him.
Th second type is The Loser. The protagonist has flaws upon flaws that make them fail at everything. I don't understand why anyone would do this. I see a few possibilities such as a Seinfeld style comedy or some philosophical drama about a guy whose life gets progressively worse, but these are limiting and would get old and confining quickly. Generally it's better to have a flawed protagonist than an outright loser.
Example: Shinji Ikai from Neon Genesis Evangelion. He's a whinny and weak willed and overall he's depressing to watch. He would have died in the first episode if his mom didn't go berserk and tear the Third Angel apart on his behalf. A lot of his fanfiction involves him growing a spine in one way or another and some of the more popular (as I've seen on TvTropes and Fanfiction.net) make him into an outright champion.
These two are a contrast of "Wishing you were" vs "Glad you're not". Oddly enough, both shows have enjoyed tremendous popularity. In the middle of these two is the third kind.
The Everyman:
A nice person without distinguishing traits; no eccentrics, no major virtues, nor any outstanding vices. Their personal history is different and their story but they themselves are more cookie cuter. They exist to be "relatable" and this is supposed to work by appealing to the lowest common denominator and giving them traits that the target audience as a whole supposedly has.
I can't think of any use for this kind of character other than Audience Surrogate and so they will likely be a Supporting Protagonist or a Pinball Protagonist because they're too bland to carry the story on their own.
Naturally, there are more than just these three kinds of protagonists but I pointed them out to sketch a way stories geared toward a particular audience are viewed and made. The Protagonist is designed to appeal to and/or relate to this audience because the writer/publisher/etc believe that will increase sales/viewership/etc. This is not the case with me.
When I wrote A Mage's Power, I was more interested in the world that Eric would inhabit than Eric himself. I put great thought into how the magic system worked, the gods and their purpose in this world, justifying the existence of monsters and respawning like in RPGs, and the social/political culture of kingdom that Eric lives in. Eric himself received little attention in the pre-writing stage because he was less important. As a result, he became generic, and because my self-imposed "Zero to Hero" challenge, he was spineless and incompetent.
In other words, he became a hybrid of the Loser and Everyman. This lead to other reviews that said the plot lacked direction. Indeed, because Eric has no goal beyond getting by in the first book, he does not drive the plot and so indeed he gets involved in a number of different activities and not one of them commands the spotlight.
I came to this conclusion after receiving a certain review. It praised the supporting case but was critical of the protagonist. These supporting characters all had more thorough backstories than Eric starting off and developed more quickly during the drafts. It is only while rewriting the second book, Looming Shadow, that I feel I have truly gotten to know my protagonist.
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