Novels have layers (writing tip)

As a wise ogre once said, "ogres are like onions". This is not because they make people cry nor because they turn brown if you leave them in the sun too long. It is because they have layers. There is more to them than the surface, and there is still more to them just one thing underneath that surface. The same is true for novels. 

Recently, I read a Facebook post where the Original Poster shared something from another novelist. This novelist was reacting to a review that they had read and were commenting on. The reviewer remarked that the story they read sounded like the author made it up as they went along. The novelist in the shared post wrote something along the lines of "I hate to break it to you but...." with laughing emoj, signifying that, yes, stories tend to be made up as the author goes along. Someone replying to this post, that someone shared, about a novelist remarking on a review for a story written by yet another novelist expressed skepticism.

 (Yes, this Facebook post also has layers! ^_~)

Surely, this commentor on Facebook said, stories are not written as the author goes along. Surely, the author has some plan going in. Surely, they know what they are doing. 

Well....Sometimes we do and sometimes we don't.  The creative process can be messy. 

 Please allow me to break it down for you. 

Draft # 0 - make everything up as you go.

Draft # 1 -  read over what you wrote and try to make sense of it. 

Draft # 2 - tie everything together, remove and add where necessary.

Draft# 3 - check for consistency of foreshadowing, build-up, resolution, etc.

Draft # 4 - repeat, creating new drafts as necessary. 

To go into more detail...

Draft # 0. Yes, I'm starting the count at zero. This is because, in my experience at least, the initial draft is a mess. It might not even be a complete draft, but a sequence of scenes held together by embryonic themes and casual notes. This is because it is the first time that the author's idea for the story comes out into words. For it is one thing to see an idea in one's head and have it play out in the gestalt of thoughts and ideas and images, and quite another to translate that into a linear sequence of words. 
Things can happen in that translation:
Story developments take place as the plot unfolds.
Characters develop as the author gets to know them more personally.
Questions of tone and atmosphere must be answered, because the background of the author's mind can no longer support the scenes on (digital) paper. 

An author such as Neil Gaiman, in a commercial for his MasterClass Art of Storytelling class, compared writing a story to driving through fog. One only sees what is closest. The novelist is writing the scene, because they only see that scene and what was written immediately before that scene. They don't see what comes after or before. 

In this way, they are making it up as they go. Indeed, in the same commercial, Neil Gaiman says that the second draft is about making it appear as though you knew what you were doing all along. 

( Link for the curious -  Neil Gaiman Teaches the Art of Storytelling (masterclass.com). This is not an affiliate link or anything like that. It's just so you know I'm not making this up.)

Draft #1

This is the first "official" draft because it is the first draft that is complete, at least in the most technical sense. The author takes stock of what they wrote, what happens, when, and why, and attempts to get a sense of the whole. They fill in the notes they left in Draft # 0. The novel is still rough, but it is now more than a glorified outline. 

Draft # 2

This is where the author can tie the scenes together. They have a complete story, and they have a sense of it as both a whole and as a sequence of parts. This is where they can bring it all together. They remove scenes, add scenes, re-write scenes as necessary. This is where the novel starts to resemble what the eventual reader will see.

Draft # 3

Now that the story is technically complete, the author has a sense of its parts and unity, and has tied them together, they can go deeper. They can refine what they have made thus far. Adding foreshadowing to point the way to the next events, they create a path for the eventual reader to follow. Foreshadowing is the greatest illusion of planning-it-out-ahead-of-time. Because the reader sees something in Scene A hinting at or building to Scene H, they think the author planned that out ahead of time. No, not necessarily. That is the process of revision, the luxury of going forwards and then backwards.  Indeed, only in foreshadowing between stories published separately does this luxury not exist. 

Draft #4 

Repeat as necessary. There is beta-reading in this process, which creates another layer as the author considers the feedback and incorporates it into a new draft. The author might discover some critical error in need of correcting or discover some opportunity to better tell the story they want. They might even decide that some other angle is more interesting or effective than the one they were pursuing. All of these create more layers. These layers are not evident in the final version. Only the polished surface is seen by the eventual reader. 

I'm not saying that all authors follow the above process. This is not to say that outlines never happen. I can only speak to my own experience, and, in my experience, there is a lot more revision than pre-planning. It is a layered experience. 

Brian Wilkerson is an independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor's degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration).

His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Big News! Milestone Reached on the Journey to Chaos (The Highest Power)

 Just last night, I completed the most recent draft for Journey to Chaos book 5 - The Highest Power. This is the second rewrite of the fourth draft. So I am closer to publishing it now, but the journey is still far from over. 

Why do I call this the "second rewrite" of the fourth draft? Wouldn't that be the sixth draft? Normally, that would be the case. The fourth draft is the one that I started after got feedback from beta readers. So I read it, and considered it and incorporated it into revisions. Then I got about 2/3 of the way through the book and the draft collapsed in on itself. 

What I had been writing wasn't working. The plot wasn't working. The events themselves were fine but they were not interlinking with each other. I reached this point and it was like I had stumbled upon the edge of a cliff. There was nothing beyond this point. Fatal Error -  you must restart. So you see, this was the first rewrite of the fourth draft because it was not a valid draft. It was not valid because I couldn't reach the end of it. 

So I started over from the beginning, trying to address the cause of the fatal error. I did a little better, made things more cohesive. However, the problems continued. Instead of a large scale problem, this was a small scale problem. A problem of word craft that affected paragraphs and pages instead of chapters. I figured out the solution after muddling through about six chapters. So I applied that solution to the remaining chapters necessary to reach the ending. 

What I need to do now is take a break from Journey to Chaos book 5 - The Highest Power. I need some distance to get perspective on this new draft. Then I will bring the 6 or so chapters that I mentioned in line with the rest of the story. That will bring the second rewrite of the fourth draft to true completion. Then I will start the fifth draft. 

In the meantime, I will revise an anthology of short stories. These short stories focus on major characters from the Journey to Chaos series. It explores what their lives were like shortly before Eric entered them. There are five stories in total; Annala, Kallen, Basilard, Nolien and Tiza are the focus characters for these stories. I will most likely publish this before The Highest Power because it is so much shorter, and so the turn-around time for drafts and editing etc. is also shorter. 

So The Highest Power will not be published this year. I don't really know when it will be published. I'm hoping it will be published next year. I will keep you posted. 

UPDATE! That thing about "keeping you posted"? You can find it here --> News from my Journey to Chaos! (June 2021)

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration).

His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Leave it to the Professionals

 

Mana Mutation Menace has been sent off to be prepared for publishing so I decided now was a good time to talk about all the work that goes into this preparation. Specifically, why this sort of thing should be left to professionals. Consider this post the answer to my earlier post "Editing, Professional Help or Not" and an extension of "The Importance of an Editor"

 

This is the third time I've worked with BZ Hercules Editing and Consulting. They're a cover-to-cover place that has some competitive prices. For the package I've selected, there's editing, proofreading, formatting, cover design, and then the social media launch.

Editing is the first thing that's needed. This is not just fixing spelling and grammar; that comes later. This is about consistency of nouns (people, places, things), flow of the story, major problems with spelling and grammar, paragraph intents and chapter settings. There could be more things that I don't know about or appreciate. Mana Mutation Menace needs this to tighten up. Although I am an author, my knowledge and application of the rules of written language is not perfect. That's why I need a professional to cover my oversights. There were literally "thousands" of errors in A Mage's Power because I made the same mistake on every page. Hopefully I have learned from my previous two experiences and created less trouble for her.

Proofreading is next. This should come after editing as a second check. No one can get all the errors in one pass (the author certainly can't). This is for checking all the stuff that was missed the first time and making sure the editing didn't introduce more problems. To save money, I tried to do just this on A Mage's Power for the second edition. It didn't work because there were more than just proofread level problems. For Looming Shadow, I hired a professional and I did not receive the same sort of "hire an editor!" feedback from both fans and critics. Thus, I made sure to order both editing and proofreading for the entire manuscript of Mana Mutation Menace to make it as clean as possible. It's not cheap by any means because the story is long (1.75 for proofreading and editing combo over 300 double spaced pages means paying for 600) but it's worth it to create a polished product.

 

 

Formatting is also involved. I don't understand this part at all. It has something to do with aligning stuff in the manuscript, maybe something HTML or other code thing. What I'm most concerned with is the Table of Contents. Creating that thing and linking each chapter title to the chapter it refers to would difficult I imagine. It's one more thing I leave to the professionals.

 

Cover Design is completely outside my craft but still necessary. I took an art class in college, and I took it pass/fail because otherwise it would have harmed my GPA. Yes, my technique was bad but my creative vision was good enough. Laura from IIPX photography created both of the covers for my first two books (Travis Pennington from Pro Book Covers did the first originally, and it looks amazing too). I'm looking forward to the third one.

The first edition of A Mage's Power is what my work would look like without a professional. You can see for yourself what readers thought about that: A Mage's Power. Incidentally, would you mind checking it out further? BZ Hercules made the current edition look better than its first.

Answering Review Request: Burd: The Abduction

Roy House asked me to read his novel "Burd: The Abduction". It is a science fiction comedy that focuses on a rooster man named "Burd" who was altered from a standard egg by aliens. I will examine plot, characters and polish, and then assign a grade.

PLOT

 

The book starts out good. There is this pair of aliens on a routine mission. Their dialogue is kinda fun, there is interesting, non intrusive (i.e. no "As You Know" stuff) world building, and Burd is created in a direct and effective manner.

 

The problem is one of tone. It starts off as this kooky Rule of Funny story but then tries to have a serious plot line without changing anything else.   

 

For instance, the aliens create Burd for fun ("you know, we've been talking about building a creature from all the leftover material from about a dozen experiments") and engage in Seinfeldian Conversation. Following this is Maria planning a "flaming bag of poop" prank in response to a perceived prank on herself and Viejo Jorge reminiscing on how his previous wife was a literal magic using witch because she would regularly drag him away from a bar after he drunk himself stupid.

 

The rest of the story is about Nazi (and not the wacky kind), Lizard Men that eat people, their conspiracy to turn WWII into a covert operation to abduct people for this reason  (i.e. the Holocaust victims), and the "Who" or the Gray aliens, have this prophecy of using Burd as a super soldier to beat the lizards. The fact that all of this comes up in the later parts of the story is jarring.

 

There isn't much of an initial conflict and so there is nothing driving the story forward. It's just a bunch of events happening. There is something interesting and dynamic brewing at the end, but that's the end. The beginning and middle is just "this stuff happened" sort of thing. The progression between makes sense but none of them are sufficiently developed. All of them would make for fine stories on their own but all of them are squished together in little more one hundred pages. I think that Mr.House is only scratching the surface of the potential with this plotline.

 

The Maria/Dusty/Jeff love triangle, for instance, is only present in three scenes and mentioned in passing a fourth time. Really there's hardly a love triangle at all because by the time it is set up, it is resolved and Jeff quickly becomes more interested in someone else. The circus is another. The group introduce themselves, get jobs, start advertising, and then a riot breaks out over a license to operate a hot air balloon which wrecks everything, gets the circus arrested and Burd on the run. Like the book itself, it's opened and closed without a main event.

 There is no satisfying ending. In fact, there is no ending at all. It's not even a cliffhanger. It's just some ominous words and the story stops. I don't understand the logic for it.  I imagine that book 2 will be much better because the conflict is established and will be further developed through its length. Book 1 is just introductions and random events.

There are some funny parts. Some clever moments. These are the gems of the story so I don't want to spoil them by listing them here.

CHARACTERS

The characters are pretty thin. I can't tell any of the Greys apart by their behavior, except for one because he is a defector from decadence. The Lizard Men are similar.

The Main characters, in my opinion, are not any better. Maria is a nice girl but beyond that there is little more than "talent as an aerialist".  Dusty is a standard cowboy in the teenage version.  Viejo Jorge is a Dirty Old Man who relies on Crosses The Line Twice for comedy. Jeff comes across to me as a walking conflict ball because he regularly acts like a jerk, the other mains have no reason to include him, and he's a sleeper agent through a complicated backstory.

POLISH

There is where the story losses the most points. There are a lot of grammar and formatting problems, and even some in vocabulary. Mr.House told me that he sent me the "cleaned up version" but the problems persist.  A non-exhaustive list:
1. Dialogue is lacking quotes on one end.
2. A character's thoughts are not set apart from narration. This makes it confusing for me to read and it is jarring to shift between narrator and character.
3. "Cannibal" is used in place of "Carnivore".
4. Chapter titles appear at the end of pages or the middle instead of the start of the next one. There is no uniformity to them.

It is hard for me to believe that this story was revised. It looks like a first draft.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Burd" a D+ (I liked reading it but the quality is low)

Starting the Post-Beta revision for Mana Mutation Menace

I feel good about this draft. After splitting it off of Looming Shadow, adding a new arc to its beginning, rewriting everything that followed to reflect the fact that it is a separate new book, checking the rewrites, and then receiving affirming and constructive feedback from beta readers,  I feel like this book is nearing completion.

 

Mana Mutation Menace was originally the second half of Looming Shadow. I had this different plot arc in mind when I wrote it that stated Ceiha would be the halfway point. To my surprise, the plot that I began the story with resolved itself halfway through. Something else took its place. The result was a single book with enough content and plotlines for two (or three). I struggle with myself about whether or not to  break it up. I didn't want to create a cliffhanger and my mind focused on this particular set of objectives that needed to be accomplished to follow the ultimate series outline and within the number of books I had planned. In the end, I worked something out and both books are much better for it. Both are more focused and more concise.

 

Because Mana Mutation Menace was part of Looming Shadow, it has been revised many times. The one I'm on right now is only the second time for itself but more like the seventh or so time in the total life of this WIP. As I re-read it now, I am pleased with what has finally emerged. The plot has taken a precise shape instead of my vague ideas. That's the issue with starting out a story; you have ideas and events for those ideas but you don't have the nuts and bolts. How it's going to happen in that bottom layer is a mystery and now I can see it shinning. It will still need to be polished by the proofreader but in terms of plot and the characters developing through the plot, I like it.  My beta readers have been helpful in bringing this about.

 

Ever since the disastrous first chapter of A Mage's Power, I have lived in fear of something making sense to me, the author, but baffling and/or alienating my readers. I spent much of my non-day job and non-sleeping hours doing something that involves this fictional universe. Some days I set on this metaphysical, logistical, philosophical or magical mechanical problem and work it out in a way that is consistent with the established Rules of the Verse (Magic A Is "and should stay" Magic A). Because of this, I may be blind to the perspective of someone less knowledgeable about his verse than myself (i.e. everyone). One of the benefits of beta reading is that someone can point this out. They can also point out plot weaknesses or character failings that I missed. In fact, one of the betas IDed two trouble spots that passed under my radar. Finally, they can tell me whether or not it's good or not. A basic level of fun, quality, enjoyment.

As of this post, I am on chapter 6 of 18.

Status Report for Journey to Chaos book 3: Mana Mutation Menace

This is a more extensive writing update then what I put on facebook, twitter or google +. I'm going to use this time to talk about the progression of Journey to Chaos book 3: Mana Mutation Menance as well Journey to Chaos book 4 which hasn't been named yet.
 

Two out of three beta readers have finished their critique and feedback for Mana Muation Menace. The third is having some real life problems so I don't know when or if I'll receive anything formal. She has provided useful feedback so if it would be too much to do more, what she sent already will be enough.

After that, it will be time for a book long rewrite. After putting a couple months distance between myself and the manuscript and recieivng feedback I will be ready to spot plot weaknesses and areas of improvement. That will take a month or so depending on how much change is needed. Then I'll pass it on to my editor and that will take another month or so.  An early release date would be sometime in August.
 

As for Journey to Chaos book 4, I'm writing ch 13 as of this post. This is the first draft so it will be awhile before the beta readers see it, much less everyone else.  I will have to re-read it, revise it, take a break to write book 5, and then go back for a second revision. After that, I may feel comfortable sending it to beta readers.

Answering Review Request: The Apprentices-Crimson Guard Trilogy book 1

Andretta Shellinger requested that I read one of her client's books.  She is a co-owner of Wizards Keep Publishing and the client is Dana Journey. His book The Apprentices-Crimson Guard Trilogy was published in November and she contacted me to aid its exposure.  I will examine Plot, Character and Polish, and then assign a grade.


PLOT

The prologue is fantastic. It has this sense of epic battle while this wise old mage is doing something Last Resort like. A panicky boy runs in and underscores the master's calm. This master mage, Mantiloc, is more annoyed at this apprentice mage's lack of a spine than the invading army outside his doorstep. It's "the youth of today are pathetic" sort of grumbling that is stereotypical of grumpy old people. The context makes it humorous. Then Mantiloc initiates his Last Resort, thoroughly thwarting the invasion attempt, and thus leading the villain to shout We Will Meet Again. Reading this prologue in the Amazon preview is what convinced me to accept this review request.

The first chapter is also good. It starts out with Lyndon referencing Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" and how he doesn't like that road because he doesn't like change. Thus, Lyndon is quickly and excellently set up as a Reluctant Hero and a snarky one at that, which promises to be fun to read. The following two events (The Burning City Library and work as caravan guards) are similarly interesting and well set up. The first one even addresses an instance of Fridge Logic in a humorous fashion. They could be fleshed out more, polished a little better, but they're still good. It's the following arcs (about half the book) that have problems.

The general thrust of the plot is Lyndon gathering the titular "apprentices". They are the apprentices of four other apprentices of Mantiloc. There's a prophecy saying they are essential to ending a long and supernatural war. This is the connecting thread between all the adventures within this story. However, this is only a "rear view mirror" perspective on the plot. The way it is presented is much different.

Lyndon starts his journey without any objective; not to gather the apprentices, not to rescue/avenge Mantiloc, not For Great Justice, just to satisfy curiosity provoked by a stranger. The events that lead to each arc appear to be coincidence rather than character driven goals. It's less annoying than it could be because the prologue has Mantiloc talk about prophecies and afterward Lyndon monologues about destiny and how he feels it will drag him down a troublesome path because that's what his master talks about. Because Destiny Said So is a legitimate trope but here it lacks the development to fully distinguish itself from bad/lazy writing.

There's constant jumping around in terms of character perspective, which is made worse by the changes in narration. When Lyndon has the POV, the narration is first person; everyone else is third. It is confusing and jarring.

The fight against the Big Bad is not resolved in this book because it's not started. This book's conflict is basically a recruitment program and that is resolved but it is subtle. Mr. Journey is clearly going for a queuing up cliffhanger, but because nothing has been set up, there's nothing behind it and so the cliffhanger lacks force.

CHARACTERS

Lyndon is a Vanilla Protagonist. He's a first person narrator with little in the way of personality or driving goal. Initially he had this Didn't Want An Adventure thing but that disappeared quickly. Later in the book, he remarks that "all I wished for was excitement". Other people tell him where to go and what to do and his berserker side does the fighting for him, so he himself doesn't do much of anything. It makes me think he was deliberately created this way to show off the others. There are flashes to a personality, but for the most part it's bland.

There's only one way to explain why Juleen falls so quickly for him, why the other apprentices don't ditch him, and why an army volunteers to work for him despite the fact that the only payment he can provide is, by his own admission, "death on a distant battlefield". That explanation is "destiny". Again, this wouldn't be a bad thing if it were further developed. The Red String of Fate, for instance, is a time-honored justification for why two people quickly fall in love.

The other apprentices are all more interesting characters than Lyndon. Their backstories are more detailed, their personalities are more visible, and they take action based on motivations, because they have motivations. Jes has his friend loyalty and Lovable Rogue personality, Frey explicitly talks about destiny to explain himself and demonstrates compassion in a big way, Naomi has this fiery snarky thing and her introduction justifies why she stays with the group, and Talon has this Gentle Giant Atoner thing going for him.

This is highlighted during a scene where the party is captured and shackled: Jes picks his chain locks with rogue skills, Talon breaks his with his dragon strength, and Naomi melts her's with fire magic. Lyndon just sits there and narrates.

Redington is a case of Fridge Logic. He's implied to be the person who gives Lyndon the scroll that sets him off and then he leaves until the end of the story. At that point, he explains a bunch of stuff, including why the apprentices are important. Why does he wait? If the apprentices are so important, why doesn't he help?

POLISH

The book I initially received was an unedited rough draft. I read most of it before either I or Miss. Shellinger noticed this and so I saw a lot of grammar errors and other stylistic problems. After I received the fixed copy, I still noticed these things but to a lesser degree.

There are missing apostrophes for the possessive tense.

There is no distinction in text to show that someone is thinking. With Lyndon's POV, this is worse because it is difficult to distinguish his thoughts from his narration.

The prose is immature and clunky. The dialogue and narration often sounds artificial, like it's trying too hard to be elegant or poetic.

In the final part of the story, there are no paragraph breaks to separate two or more people talking. It's all one paragraph with whatever action they take. It's hard to read. It feels as though the editor didn't reach this part.

The book is "ALMOST" a good one. If it were truly bad, then this review would be easy to write and this book easy to grade. Instead, it is constantly on the verge of something great. It's just not quite there yet. There's nothing fundamentally flawed. It could shine with a lot more polish and organization.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Apprentices-Crimson Guard Trilogy book 1" a C
 

Click here for the next book review (which was a request): Terran Psychosis

Click here for the previous book review (which was not a request): Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Why you need Beta Readers

Today I received my second beta reader's feedback. It made me really excited, both for the feedback itself and the fact that I'm closer to publishing "Looming Shadow".  With this feedback, I am more confident that my second book will be a success.

I didn't do the beta reading thing for A Mage's Power and because of this I didn't notice a grievous error in the manuscript.  The first chapter was disastrous. It turned off a lot of readers  and I know this for certain because such things are in several reviews. None of them like it and those that didn't dislike it only tolerated it. No one thought well of it until recently when one reviewer praised it. The bottom line is that it was a problem in the first chapter of my first book and I had no idea. I had no idea because I didn't show the book to anyone other than my parents. They're brilliant people but they are not fans of the fantasy genre and so they're not my target audience.

In the original edition of A Mage's Power, there was a section in the first chapter that involved Eric cyclying through a series of mysterious events. There's a dark mine where voices try to make him fall asleep forever, a volcano which tempts him into killing the office bully, a watery cavern that makes identity questions and other weird things. One reviewer compared it to Alice in Wonderland.

Piror to this is Tasio the Trickster talking about how he helps people and then a glimpse of a day in the hoo-hum life of Eric Watley. After the problem scene is an Urban Fantasy. The events of the problem scene never come up again and there is no context to understand them. That's why people don't like it.

It made a great deal of sense to me, personally. I thought through everything and made sure all the details were correct in the grand scheme of things. I was unaware that it would be baffling to a reader who had no context for it.

To those who are interested and read this scene before I removed it, I will explain. It was all A Secret Test of Character. It tested Eric's resolve to continue despite fear of danger, his determination to overcome obstacles in high stress situations, his problem solving and observational skills. The point was to make sure he had the bare minimum to survive in a place like Tariatla, where monsters are as common as mosquitoes.

"It was simply getting past that first initial chapter." This is a direct quote from a review. It's likely the kindest thing anyone said about this scene.  If I had sent this to more beta readers then I believe they would have pointed out this glaring problem. Then I could have removed it prior to the launch and avoided such statements in future reviews. Then I would have a higher rating and happier readers.

That is why you need Beta Readers

How to use a Multi-Perspective Narrative Effectively

In my years as a volunteer book reviewer, I've come across a number of novels that attempt a Multi-Prespective Narration. This is when they have several protagonists and thus several viewpoints. If an author can make this work then it will enrich the narrative. If they fail, then it will be a mark against the story, bogging it down and/or crippling development. This article will illustrate the pros and cons of the approach with the books I've read serving as examples.



Benefits

1. World building

When a story focuses on one character, that narrows the story's scope. Only what this character sees and experiences is captured by the author. This forces the story to focus on this character and their trouble. This can help the plot but what if the author is more interested in world building? By using a Multi-Perspective Narrative, an author can show more people in more areas with different lives, and thereby, develop more of their fictional world.

War of the Whispers book 1: Tears of Min Brok did a fantastic job on this point. It has three (later four) heroic groups traveling in three different areas with three different objectives. They can be seen as three "fronts" in this whispering war and thus a broader picture of the war is painted then what any one group could do alone. They will reference each other and occasionally interact, reinforcing this point.

There's also a group for the villains so the reader can see what they're up to when they're not fighting the heroes. This establishes them on their own terms instead of in contrast to the heroes. It fleshes out the war further. I gave this book a B.


2. Grey and Grey Morality or Right Hand vs Left Hand
 
When you have two viewpoint characters, then it's possible to have two "heroes" of the story instead of just one. If both of them believe they are noble and their actions righteous, then they can be foils of each other. In stories with a single viewpoint, this is harder to achieve because one of them has the sympathetic viewpoint and the other does not. It's easy for the former to come off as the truly righteous one for this reason. A dual viewpoint levels the playing field.

When I read Kindling Ashes,  the Multi-Perspective Narrative that contributed to its A+ grade. You have an orphan girl firesoul who believes in the cause of the Firesoul organization, and a noble boy firesoul who wants to destroy the Firesoul organization and both of them have a sympathetic POV. The compare and contrast prevents one from declaring "Hero/Villainous" or "Heroine/Villain". (Except for the boy's older brother, who is an asshole).

Pitfalls

 1. Breaking Momentum

You have Character A off doing their thing and it builds up to something immersive and exciting. There's a chapter cliffhanger and the reader eagerly turns the page......to find Character B doing something; disappointment. Also, you as the author now have to build up action with this second character, and by the time you go back to the first, it feels flat even if the scene starts with excitement. When you have two characters, you have to juggle two series of events. This makes pacing the novel twice as complex.

When I read Dark Space 2, it had four plot threads taking place in three different places and two different time periods. It was like reading two books that shared a universe. One was simply superfluous, contributing nothing to the plot. It was confusing, boring, and made me impatient for him to make such division relevant. It was one reason for the book's low grade.
 
Conversely, Dark Space 1 used this technique with greater skill. There, the focus is 80-90% on the protagonist, and the rest is devoted to a couple of short scenes to deliver plot points crucial to the main plot. Without this technique, the author would have to cram these plot points into the main narrative somehow. It wouldn't be as neat or as effective.

2. Disjointed: Separate Stories Spliced

If you have two or more characters and they're not in the same group and/or location, then you basically have two stories in one book. You have to make them relevant to each other or the reader will think you spliced two separate stories together to increase the book's length.

When I read Tainted Dawn, I couldn't figure out why the three protagonists were sharing a book. They met once at the start and have little influence on each other from then on. One of them never meets one of the other two again and has little plot significance to the other. It was boring, tedious, and undermined the book's premise. This is the primary reason for the book's low score. Separated into their stories, they would have made fine stand-alones. In the end, I came to the conclusion that the author wanted to paint a picture of the era and the protagonists were mere character actors for this purpose.


3. Law of Conservation of Development vs Doorstopper

If you have two protagonists and two stories, then one of two things will happen. Either your book will be the length of one story and each of your protagonists will get the half the development, or your story will be as long as two in order to fully develop each protagonist. There are ways around this, but the fact of the matter is that you have to write two perspectives of the same series of events and that will make the book longer. Again, there's the possibility of becoming boring and tedious.


Conclusion
The Multi-Perspective Narrative is a literary tool. Like all tools it can be used and misused. The bottom line is that it has to be relevant.

How to Create Effective Cliffhangers

Cliff hangers are named thus because they evoke a sense of danger, as if hanging over the edge of a cliff. When used between chapters they create the "page turning effect" sought after by thrillers and other high octane genres. When used between books they can become distasteful if used improperly.

At that point, it's no longer a question of creative intent but business intent.  To end a book on a cliffhanger is to presume that the reader would buy the next book simply to find out what happens next, instead of the book's inherent quality. This is especially the case if it is tacked on at the end for the sole purpose of a cliffhanger instead of events leading up to something meaningful. It's like pushing a reader off a cliff and refusing to hand them a rope unless they pay for it.

I also call this "The Missing Epilogue"  because the problem could be corrected with a short epilogue. Something that shows the aftermath of the climax and closes up plot threads. It could even be a preview of the next book to increase anticipated sales, as long it closes the first book at the same time as opening the second.

It's about that sense of closure. For however many hundreds of pages, the plot is developed and brought to its climax, the highest point. After that, a reader expects some falling action and resolution. It doesn't have to resolve everything neatly (I've heard some authors don't like that for some reason, either creatively or out of a desire for realism)  but I want to see the fallout of the climax. Don't stop at the tail end of the climax because the reader wants to see more. To exploit that desire with a "buy the next book" line is a business decision and likely to antagonize the reader.

Indeed, as a volunteer book reviewer I've read several books like that. They cut off at the tail end of the climax or introduce something new on the last page; some last second twist to stir the reader into a frenzy and buy the next book. Instead, I've thought "Ick!" and downgraded their final rank in my review. I don't read sequels to books like this because they are likely to have similar endings, final book included.

Driving sales can be the only deliberate intention of a goading cliffhanger. If someone denies this then it means that they are sloppy, lazy, and/or lack the skill to resolve the conflict they created. Conflict is created, developed and then resolved; that's the basic structure of a story. I don't want to hear any "I have to leave it unresolved for the next book!" whining. A sufficiently skilled author can close a book's conflict while leaving the series' conflict open.

Here are four examples of such writers:

1. Isaac Hooke did this for his "Forever Gate" series.  The first one, for instance, ends the main narrative with a shocking twist and thus a cliffhanger because the reader does not know what's going on. However, the preview of the next book showed the aftermath of that twist and at the same time queues up the second one. This way the reader is not left hanging about the conclusion for the first and is instead excited for the second.

2. J.K. Rowling did a fantastic job of this in "Harry Potter". The conflict of the series was always about Harry clashing with Voldemort but the individual seven books each had their own conflict that was set up and resolved between the covers. The first book, for instance, has Voldemort attempting to restore himself with the Philosopher's Stone. While Harry prevents him from getting it, Evil Plan foiled, the evil wizard is still out there and he can try again.

3. Ranjit More does this in "The Underworld King" a little differently. There are two main conflicts; demons vs snake monsters and demons vs gods. It starts with the first and is primarily concerned with the first but the second is a significant plot thread. By the end of the book, the first conflict is resolved completely and the final lines signify that the second will be prominent in the next book. It's like shifting weight from one foot to the other.

4. The "Inspector Gadget" cartoon series. Every episode began with some Evil Plan by Dr. Claw and every episode ended with him shouting "I'll get you next time, Gadget! NEXT TIME!"


By using similar techniques as these four examples, a writer can engage their audience to a deeper degree and get them excited for the next adventure, without angering them with goading cliffhangers.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Pantsing

By "pantsing" I do not mean the prank by which someone pulls down the pants of another in public in order to cause them public exposure shame. Instead I mean the abbreviation of the phrase "Writing by the seat of one's pants" which in other words has the meaning of "making it up as you go". As I rewrite Looming Shadow and consider how much time I need to do so, I reflect on the advantages and disadvantages of this writing style.

Ever since I started writing fanfiction back in Middle School I have been a "pantser". I didn't plan out the whole story in advance, and I certainly didn't plan out the individual arcs or scenes. I would write down ideas as I had them and keep a rough idea of the general arc of the story in mind as I wrote, but everything was subject to change as I wrote the story and the plot took shape. Even when I went to college and structured my class papers (thesis-general outline-specific outline etc) I continued writing my novel as it came to me.  (This was A Mage's Power but at the time it was called "Trickster Help Service".)  I wrote two sequels before publishing the first one. My intention was to go back to the first when the last was done and revise once I knew what I was doing with the plot.

Advantages of Pantsing

1. 90% of writing time was spent on genuine writing; not prewriting.
---As a full-time college student, I had precious little free time and so I did not want to squander it on something that I did not believe was progress. The end result was a novel whose first draft was completed within a year. I had nothing to compare this to but considering my rewrite took longer, I believe it is quick.

2. Natural Flow of Cause and Effect
---As I wrote A Mage's Power, I had only a vague idea of what would happen next. I would make something up; anything that was funny or gave me a chance for world building. Because I didn't force characters or events to happen I believe I avoided problems such as idiot balls.

3. Focus on Characters
I'll never forget what I learned from a speaker in a creative creating course; "Plot is nothing more than a character in trouble." Without a top-down plot, I had to understand my characters and what they would do with each step.  That lead me to get to know them better. The plot follows their traits instead of their traits following the plot.

The changes to the first draft of A Mage's Power were legion but on the whole they were superficial so I felt that my approach was justified. Now I am not sure.

I started revising Looming Shadow around this time last year. The first arc required few changes and the second more  and the third arc more still. It was like overturning a rock and finding all sorts of bugs and rust. Every arc required more rewriting. In places, I was chucking entire chapters out. Other stuff was moved around.  In short, I rebuilt it from the first floor up because I didn't have a plan.

Disadvantages of Pantsing

1. More Rewriting

---Looming Shadow had no plan. I had a premise but it ceased to be a driving point in a certain arc and sputtered out without a sense of resolution. Then something happened that blindsided me. Yes, the author himself didn't expect this twist. I couldn't carry on with my previous idea and so the rest was only tenuously tied together.  When I looked back on it, I realized how loose and unappealing it had become.  The only solution was to rewrite the story with a plan that could hold everything together. The end result is a novel that has taken twice as long to complete as its prequel and it's still not done yet.

2. Disorganized

---Pantsing is useful for getting ideas on paper and forging a trail. However, this trail lead through a dense forest whose leaves blocked out the sun. I had no idea where I was going and in many places the trail looked forced. There was no continuity or purpose; only a series of independent events happening to the same person.

3. Who's on First?

Characters drive Plot but how to know which and how many characters are involved with the plot? A single ingredient can radically alter the flavor of a dish and so can a single character send a plot down a drastically different path. What if such a character shows up at the end of the novel and you wonder why they didn't show up earlier? In reverse, what if such a character shows up early but you later decide it makes more sense for them to turn up later?


 It would have been nice to have a plan.

When I write Eric 3, the change will be even more dramatic and widespread. I have a second draft  95%  done, and I might have to chuck the whole thing out.  I hope it doesn't come to that.


For more posts about editing see ""BLAM and the Author's Knowledge"     and "Outlines-Character Action List"

Three Varieties of Protagonists

As I travel the vast distances of Tvtropes, and examine various stories across the mediums, I find some archetypes that are meant to relate to the audience; be relatable to them and form a connection to them.  It relates to the power of the protagonist to inspire or comfort.

I don't buy into this "relatable/identifiable protagonist"; I can enjoy Big O's Roger Smith, Evangelion Shinji Ikari, Ranma 1/2's Ranma Saotome and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann's Kamina all the same.  However, I see that sort of thing on TvTropes and in reviews. One review in particular, one for my own A Mage's Power is the inspiration for this post and another one.

I've written about two of these types before, the Loser and the Champion, but that one was more my personal feelings on the matter. I hope to make this one more objective and informative.

The first type is The Champion. I see this type as a larger than life presence. Someone that is bursting with confidence and drive to achieve their goals, and their goals will be just as ambitious and lofty as their personality. They're likely to be loud but just as likely to more of a tranquil focus. The point is to create a dynamic personality that can both carry and drive a plot, who is also fun to cheer for.

Example: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagan: Kamina  is technically not the protagonist (a matter of heated debate in the fandom) but he is pretty close nonetheless. He is so popular that he has become a meme for badass masculinity; his sunglasses are photoshopped onto unrelated characters to make them more badass because in doing so they become more like him.

Th second type is The Loser. The protagonist has flaws upon flaws that make them fail at everything. I don't understand why anyone would do this. I see a few possibilities such as a Seinfeld style comedy or some philosophical drama about a guy whose life gets progressively worse, but these are limiting and would get old and confining quickly. Generally it's better to have a flawed protagonist than an outright loser.

Example: Shinji Ikai from Neon Genesis Evangelion. He's a whinny and weak willed and overall he's depressing to watch.  He would have died in the first episode if his mom didn't go berserk and tear the Third Angel apart on his behalf. A lot of his fanfiction involves him growing a spine in one way or another and some of the more popular (as I've seen on TvTropes and Fanfiction.net)  make him into an outright champion.

These two are a contrast of  "Wishing you were" vs "Glad you're not". Oddly enough, both shows have enjoyed tremendous popularity. In the middle of these two is the third kind.

The Everyman:
A nice person without distinguishing traits; no eccentrics, no major virtues, nor any outstanding vices. Their personal history is different and their story but they themselves are more cookie cuter. They exist to be "relatable" and this is supposed to work by appealing to the lowest common denominator and giving them traits that the target audience as a whole supposedly has.

I can't think of any use for this kind of character other than Audience Surrogate and so they will likely be a Supporting Protagonist or a Pinball Protagonist because they're too bland to carry the story on their own.

Naturally, there are more than just these three kinds of protagonists but I pointed them out to sketch a way stories geared toward a particular audience are viewed and made. The Protagonist is designed to appeal to and/or relate to this audience because the writer/publisher/etc believe that will increase sales/viewership/etc. This is not the case with me.

When I wrote A Mage's Power, I was more interested in the world that Eric would inhabit than Eric himself.  I put great thought into how the magic system worked, the gods and their purpose in this world,  justifying the existence of monsters and respawning like in RPGs, and the social/political culture of kingdom that Eric lives in. Eric himself received little attention in the pre-writing stage because he was less important. As a result, he became generic, and because my self-imposed "Zero to Hero" challenge, he was spineless and incompetent.

In other words, he became a hybrid of the Loser and Everyman. This lead to other reviews that said the plot lacked direction. Indeed, because Eric has no goal beyond getting by in the first book, he does not drive the plot and so indeed he gets involved in a number of different activities and not one of them commands the spotlight.

I came to this conclusion after receiving a certain review. It praised the supporting case but was critical of the protagonist. These supporting characters all had more thorough backstories than Eric starting off and developed more quickly during the drafts. It is only while rewriting the second book, Looming Shadow, that I feel I have truly gotten to know my protagonist.

Reflecting on the Previous Year

One year ago, I crossed the line between 'hobbyist' and 'professional'.  Now I'm looking back on it and sharing my experience.

1. Publishing
I read so much about publishing while I was writing A Mage's Power and it was intimidating stuff. Simply finding an agent was a major step that could take months. Finding a publisher was supposed to be even harder and there were lots of little things that could hurt a first timer's chances.  All of it together made the idea of publishing seem like a pipe dream. That's why I'm glad I went into self-publishing. There's more control, more royalties,  and so much easier and faster. I'm working on the sequel, Looming Shadow, and only the final arc remains to be revised. Publishing a series will be a different experience and I'm looking forward to it.

 2. Royalties and Pirates

Royalties are great for two reasons; reader validation and pocket change.  It's validating to move from a fanfiction writer into original fiction and to see people paying to read it; investing time and money in my work. The pocket change is nothing to live on to be sure but it's enough to pay for my writing snacks or some other small treat without touching my day job's paycheck.

As a result of this, I've had to deal with pirates. It's given me a new perspective on the media that I purchase myself; both empathy and sympathy now that I'm in the same boat. On one hand it's frustrating because they're stealing from me, but on the other hand, they're still reading my book and hopefully enjoying it. If they made fan content (fanart, fanfiction, a tvtropes page, etc) that would be payment enough (I'd still prefer they pay the 99 cents, of course).

3. Lessons Learned.

If I go back to college for a Masters or something, I will never complain about revising a ten, twenty or even fifty page paper because it could not be worse than revising a 200+ page novel. I went through A Mage's Power three times after I thought I found all the errors and there was still a truckload of them.  It was a lesson in humility that cost me the equivalent of several days out of my finite life span. Looking back, I should have sent it to a proofer before those three times.  If nothing else, my negative reviewers couldn't complain about grammar or spelling problems.

Speaking of the reviewers, some of them surprised me. A number of them accused me of ripping off the manga/anime Naruto. While it was an influence, it wasn't the main or most important influence. I'm surprised no one's spotted those yet but I suppose it has to do with exposure. Naruto is certainly the most popular of my influences and also the newest since it's still on-going as of this post.  I'll give you all a hint: they begin with an S and there are more hints elsewhere.

4. Advertising

"If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door."
What Mr.Emerson neglected to include was spreading the word about this better mousetrap and convincing them that it is, indeed, better. I've looked into various forms of advertising since then and most of them involve Twitter, which is a comment in its favor. I've also looked into Book Awards for that mark of distinction.

4. Second Work

Revising the sequel to Looming Shadow has taken geologically longer than I thought it would. Each chapter is like turning over a stone and finding dead bugs because I overhaul each one but I don't realize the extent of the revisions until I reach the chapter.  That's the benefit of a long break but the thing is, I've already taken a long break before. Perhaps it wasn't long enough or I didn't know the story well enough. In either case, I'm at the final arc. Hopefully it will be done, beta read, proofed, published and advertised before this time next year. I'm shooting for some time before summer.

BLAM and the Author's Knowledge

"....a very bizarre scene in an otherwise normal story that veers off into the surreal or strange. Upon exiting that scene, the plot continues on like it never happened. "
-->TvTropes Defines the Term

This week's post is about the trope known as the "Big Lipped Alligator Moment" (BLAM). While normally I would say Tropes Are Tools this one is hard to use for a positive effect.  It is confusing, messes up the story's pacing, bogs down the plot, and otherwise lowers the story's quality. The one successful  occasion I can list is the manga "BoboboboBobobo" because it is a string of these and the appeal of the story is absurdist humor and even then it turns many people off.

These can result from a disconnect between the writer's knowledge (who knows everything about the story) and the reader's knowledge (who learns page by page). This is called the "Curse of Knowledge", a situation where an expert is so deep into their field that what they believe are the basics are more like '3.0' to a layman.  I took a class in college that compared comics to illuminated poetry and it we talked about how Jack Kirby would draw things that looked outlandish or out of place and I argued that he might have backstory for these things but doesn't have the space to talk about it in the story. "What the author knows about the story is a fraction of what he can tell about the story." Thus, what makes sense to the writer doesn't make sense to the reader.

This is why Beta Readers are important. To illustrate I will share an experience I had with A Mage's Power.

In the first chapter I had a several page scene that has been compared to "Alice in Wonderland" sandwiched between two scenes from a typical day in Eric's mundane life. Being the author, I knew all about Tasio's motives and how this fit into the rules governing the Verse but both positive and negative reviewers disliked it. I was loathed to cut it out because I viewed it as important. Then I received a review that went into detail about why it was bad and I removed it. In the entire book, this scene was referenced only once more. It's then that I realized it was dead weight. I wish I had somoene to point that out earlier and thus the need for a beta reader.

For a related topic, see The Proper Application Of Mind Screws

The Importance of an Editor

When I began writing I wanted to be my own editor. Now I am not so naive. A Mage's Power has received many reviews that said the spelling and/or grammar was horrible. They came to both the amazon listing and this very blog.  Even the people that liked the book and left positive reviews still said the book needed substantial editing. For context, I made three passes through the manuscript after I thought I found all the errors from the previous seven or so passes.

Acknowledging defeat I contacted an editing service and was struck a further blow to my editing ego. They said the book needed more than a 'light proofing' and that they had fixed 'thousands' of errors in the first hundred pages. They were not exaggerating; there really were thousands of errors because the same sort of errors were repeated over and over again.

You see I was still trying to deny that I needed an editor. I told myself that it was just a few errors here and there that, over 400 kindle pages, added up, and that all I needed was a different set of eyes. When I looked over the marked up manuscript that came back, I realized that was far from true. I'm happy to say to say it was worth it. Ever since then the reviews that complained of grammar and/or spelling have disappeared.

In case you're interested, that service is Hercules Editing and Consulting and I'm about to use their services again for other things (Table of Contents, advertising, etc) and found a package that included editing. For all you readers out there, this means there will be another free period in the near future.

Repeating Leads to Less Revision

When I revised A Mage's Power I would find errors so obvious I couldn't believe they were there. At first I thought my familiarity with the material caused my blindness and to an extent this was true. However, there was another cause for the errors.

As I said on my "Useful Problems"  post, I like to look for ways to improve the story as I revise it. This is author multi-tasking because while looking for errors I can look for plot holes or a better turn of phrase. However, this means introducing brand new content into a sea of nth revision and can create new grammatical errors or itself be improved upon. Thus begins a vicious cycle of 'revise-rewrite-new-errors-revise-hair pull'. During the final revision I found a solution.

If I change any part of a sentence, I immediately reread that sentence. If I change part of a scene, I reread that scene from the top. I likened it to 'covering one's tracks' and sure enough I found the kinds of errors that frustrated me: tenses that didn't agree, missing words, something unnecessary like a hangnail. By repeating what I had just written I could immediately revise it, catch those simple-yet-embarrassing errors and break the cycle.

Warning! This was the ninth or tenth revision. I would recommend AGAINST doing this on a first draft. At that stage all you need to worry about is getting the words down. Indeed, using this method at the embryonic stage is counter-productive at best. I wouldn't use it during the second draft either because my preference is to take in the story as a whole and look for 'big picture' problems. The nuts and bolts of the issue can wait until the third draft.

For more editing tips see "Editing-Professional Help-or-Not",  ,"Inspirational Monday: Whedon Editing", and "Revise-Revise-Revise".

On an unrelated note, my New Year's Resolution is to run a tighter social media ship and part of that is regular posting. I plan to post a writing tip or book review every Tuesday and possibly something on the weekend.  This week, however, that extra post will be tomorrow because I forgot about Inspirational Monday.

Editing; Professional Help or Not

When I set to revise my first novel, A Mage's Power, I resolved that I would do my own editing. I didn't want to pay hundreds of dollars for someone to do something that I could do myself. It made me feel lazy. Also, I didn't want to wait for them to get to and then finish my manuscript. Finally, I notice story elements that can be improved when I edit myself which is something an editor would not notice because they lack my background on the story. (See my post on "Useful Problems" for more information). As I do a third "Absolutely the Last Revision" I'm considering changing my policy for the sequel.

Time and again I am amazed by the errors I can miss. Double Double words; words in places the wrong; words that (are) missing, and words that the are unnecessary. It truly blows my mind when I find such errors in my manuscript and confirm that such errors exist in earlier copies of the same chapters. I don't know if it's my familiarity with the material that is the problem, my tendency to skip along so I can continue writing or both. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

After I publish A Mage's Power (it will published no latter than New Year's, by the way) I will begin revision work on the sequel, "Looming Shadow". Once I get the story where I want it I will likely find an editor to correct the errors listed above.

One thing is for sure: I will be aware of sticky keys, especially the 't'.