Rhonda Parrish asked to read her anthology "Aphanasian Stories". It contains three stories of varying length but I chose to read. "Sister Margaret". It is the shortest of the three and the one whose premise caught my attention: " A vampire hunter and a half-incubus swordsman are hired by a priestess to kill
the undead pimp that is extorting, torturing and murdering vulnerable girls."
I will examine plot, characters, and polish, and then assign a grade.
Plot
The plot here is condensed; about 10 pages. I like that because it has a 'routine job' air to it which gives it a great degree of grounding. While I enjoy prolonged epics as much as the next fantasy buff, they have a grandeur and dramatic nature that puts them at odds with day-to-day life. This kind of small scale over-and-done-in-a-day fantasy story has a laconic appeal; a lot of action and emotion compressed in a small time period.
I would like to use this opportunity to bring up the Rule of Drama. It is summed up by TvTropes as "If the potential for conflict is visible, then it will never be
passed over." This is why heroes encounter setbacks in their adventures and why the villain always had the advantage; more conflict-->more drama-->(ideally) more exciting story. That is not the case here. Michael goes in reasonably prepared (sufficient spell power, a partner) and with a simple and flexible plan. He accomplishes the job quickly and leaves. Sure it would look anticlimactic on screen and wouldn't fill an episode but it makes him look like a professional and a badass one at that. If Rhonda writes any more stories staring this guy, I'll buy them.
Finally, I like the classic structure. The Hero receives The Call to Adventure from a Priestess to slay what is (mystic structure-wise) a dragon to protect the local community. He collects supernatural aid, goes into the dragon's lair, slays the dragon, and returns to the priestess. Putting an urban fantasy on top of this time honored structure is a big hit with me.
Characters
I like Michael as the protagonist. First Person Narration without a frame narrative usually sounds weird to me but this works because of Michael's personality. He's given to reminiscing and his narration sounds more like thinking to himself than true narration. Also, like I said above, he appears a professional because of his planing and execution. Combined with his deadpan wit, makes the book a joy to read. I would sum him up in "another day, another job, another vampire".
The story's namesake, Sister Margaret, is surprisingly well developed considering her little screen time. I could discuss her character at length but it would be spoiler. Suffice to say that she is much more complex than a typical Damsel Errant.
Polish
No problems here. I don't see spelling errors, grammar issues, or word cruft.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Sister Margaret" an A+
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Answering Review Request: "Tears of Min Brock"
J.E. Lowder asked me to read "The Tears of Min Brock". It is the first book in the "War of the Whispers" saga between The King of Claire and the Cauldron of Ebon. I will examined plot, characters, polish and then assign a grade.
PLOT
The plot follows the classic Hero's Journey. The hero (in this case, Elabea) receives the Call to Adventure and journeys into the Unknown World where they encounter Trials and Tribulations. The hero's goal is to arrive at their destination and then return with a boon for their people. In this case, Elabea wants to become a full fledged storyteller so she can inspire the people of her hometown and overturn Ebon's oppressive rule. This structure, plus the rich and enchanted setting Mr.Lowder has developed, give this story an epic and mystical air. It was a joy to follow her journey to Claire.
I also like Mr.Lowder's take on the Hero Of Another Story. Elabea is the main heroine but her journey is only 1/4 of the narrative. There are others working toward the overthrow of Ebon and facing their own trials and tribulations. To my surprise, the story doesn't feel cluttered because of this. Instead, they enrich the story. Perhaps this is because all four of them are different fronts in the War of the Whispers.
For a third point, I give Mr.Lowder props for making a christian fantasy without introducing a story breaker. It is nigh impossible to include a benevolent and omnipotent deity while maintaining dramatic tension but Lowder makes it work. The War of the Whispers is as much (or more) spiritual than it is physical. The journey enables Elabea and Galadin to mature and ward off the Cauldron's drone as they make their way to Claire, thus enabling them to become the heroes the world needs to overthrow Ebon. While Manno Vox could airlift Elabea to Claire or defeat all her enemies in place of Galadin, that would defeat the point of the journey; while Galadin defeats trained soldiers on his own without training because of The Only's presence, without personal courage and faith he would lose anyway. It truly is a 'War of the Whispers', instead of a 'war of soldiers'.
However, I have two problems with this plot; an idiot ball in the backstory and a cliff hanger ending.
As for the backstory, Brairtok, the King of Ebon, decimated Claire's Army and killed its leader, Manno Vox, because of a deception that a military leader shouldn't have fallne for. He pretended to have wagons of wounded troops and wanted to pass Manno Vox's lines, presumably to have them treated. Manno Vox allows him to pass without checking the wagons or demanding weapons or anything. Once in their midsts, the ebon soliders wipe out the Claire soldiers and Manno Vox is so shocked by this that Brairtok takes him out with a crossbow. On another occasion, the entire crop of story tellers, the best defense and weapon against Ebon, are given up for execution in exchange for Ebon to retreat from a location. Naturally, they don't retreat.
These two things are a problem because they undermine the premise. I think that if the people in the backstory weren't so stupid, then the bad guys wouldn't have taken over. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that Claire with so many soliders and so many storytellers and generally outclassing Ebon in all ways, could have lost so completely that everyone thinks the place is myth one generation later.
As for the cliff hanger ending. I despise cliff hanger endings because I see them as cattle prods. I don't ask for a neat package with a bow on it but I want a sense that this leg of the journey is over. I don't get that here. I feel like there's a chapter missing or an eplilogue that was never written.
It's because of these two problems that, as much as I like it, I can't give this book a perfect score.
CHARACTERS
The characters are complex are diverse. There are cynics, idealists, cynics who want to be idealists but can't manage it. There are warriors and jesters and badass animal companions and angels! It's a wide cast and Lowder does an admirable job developing them all. It's especially impressive because they don't form a single group and so they can't be developed simultaneously.
Newcomb's party has enough characterization and plot importance to be the main party and so are Elebea and Galadin's fathers back in their hometown and Il-Lilliad's quest for allies.
For a second third point, the ebonites are not monolithically evil. They're still evil but in different ways. There are Punch Clock Villains working in the military, Brairtok has this 'glory and power seeker' thing, the Cauldron's Council have this 'evil priesthood' thing and the Cauldron itself is like some primordial First Evil.
POLISH
There is no word cruft, which is a 'delight'. Also no problems in terms of spelling or grammar. On another note, there are patches in the story that are written in all CAPS. I have no idea what this means so I ignore it. Overall, there's good flow in this storyline.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Tears of Min Brock" a B+
Click here for the previous review request: "The Apprentice"
PLOT
The plot follows the classic Hero's Journey. The hero (in this case, Elabea) receives the Call to Adventure and journeys into the Unknown World where they encounter Trials and Tribulations. The hero's goal is to arrive at their destination and then return with a boon for their people. In this case, Elabea wants to become a full fledged storyteller so she can inspire the people of her hometown and overturn Ebon's oppressive rule. This structure, plus the rich and enchanted setting Mr.Lowder has developed, give this story an epic and mystical air. It was a joy to follow her journey to Claire.
I also like Mr.Lowder's take on the Hero Of Another Story. Elabea is the main heroine but her journey is only 1/4 of the narrative. There are others working toward the overthrow of Ebon and facing their own trials and tribulations. To my surprise, the story doesn't feel cluttered because of this. Instead, they enrich the story. Perhaps this is because all four of them are different fronts in the War of the Whispers.
For a third point, I give Mr.Lowder props for making a christian fantasy without introducing a story breaker. It is nigh impossible to include a benevolent and omnipotent deity while maintaining dramatic tension but Lowder makes it work. The War of the Whispers is as much (or more) spiritual than it is physical. The journey enables Elabea and Galadin to mature and ward off the Cauldron's drone as they make their way to Claire, thus enabling them to become the heroes the world needs to overthrow Ebon. While Manno Vox could airlift Elabea to Claire or defeat all her enemies in place of Galadin, that would defeat the point of the journey; while Galadin defeats trained soldiers on his own without training because of The Only's presence, without personal courage and faith he would lose anyway. It truly is a 'War of the Whispers', instead of a 'war of soldiers'.
However, I have two problems with this plot; an idiot ball in the backstory and a cliff hanger ending.
As for the backstory, Brairtok, the King of Ebon, decimated Claire's Army and killed its leader, Manno Vox, because of a deception that a military leader shouldn't have fallne for. He pretended to have wagons of wounded troops and wanted to pass Manno Vox's lines, presumably to have them treated. Manno Vox allows him to pass without checking the wagons or demanding weapons or anything. Once in their midsts, the ebon soliders wipe out the Claire soldiers and Manno Vox is so shocked by this that Brairtok takes him out with a crossbow. On another occasion, the entire crop of story tellers, the best defense and weapon against Ebon, are given up for execution in exchange for Ebon to retreat from a location. Naturally, they don't retreat.
These two things are a problem because they undermine the premise. I think that if the people in the backstory weren't so stupid, then the bad guys wouldn't have taken over. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that Claire with so many soliders and so many storytellers and generally outclassing Ebon in all ways, could have lost so completely that everyone thinks the place is myth one generation later.
As for the cliff hanger ending. I despise cliff hanger endings because I see them as cattle prods. I don't ask for a neat package with a bow on it but I want a sense that this leg of the journey is over. I don't get that here. I feel like there's a chapter missing or an eplilogue that was never written.
It's because of these two problems that, as much as I like it, I can't give this book a perfect score.
CHARACTERS
The characters are complex are diverse. There are cynics, idealists, cynics who want to be idealists but can't manage it. There are warriors and jesters and badass animal companions and angels! It's a wide cast and Lowder does an admirable job developing them all. It's especially impressive because they don't form a single group and so they can't be developed simultaneously.
Newcomb's party has enough characterization and plot importance to be the main party and so are Elebea and Galadin's fathers back in their hometown and Il-Lilliad's quest for allies.
For a second third point, the ebonites are not monolithically evil. They're still evil but in different ways. There are Punch Clock Villains working in the military, Brairtok has this 'glory and power seeker' thing, the Cauldron's Council have this 'evil priesthood' thing and the Cauldron itself is like some primordial First Evil.
POLISH
There is no word cruft, which is a 'delight'. Also no problems in terms of spelling or grammar. On another note, there are patches in the story that are written in all CAPS. I have no idea what this means so I ignore it. Overall, there's good flow in this storyline.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Tears of Min Brock" a B+
Click here for the previous review request: "The Apprentice"
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Interview with Andy Straka
Today I have an interview to share with you all. Andy Straka is a veteran crime fiction writer; his seventh novel (Dragonflies: The Shadow of Drones) was published last month. He's come to Trickster Eric Novels to tell us about his book and his writing process.
1. Why Crime Fiction?
Of all the novels I read as an English major in college the book that most
resonated with me was Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep. I suppose there might be any number of reasons for this resonance. Latent psychotic tendencies, perhaps?
resonated with me was Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep. I suppose there might be any number of reasons for this resonance. Latent psychotic tendencies, perhaps?
But in all seriousness, I write crime fiction because I am passionate about it, and
I am passionate about it because crime fiction deals with issues of good vs
evil, justice and redemption. These subjects all seem vital and existential to
me and drive my stories.
I am passionate about it because crime fiction deals with issues of good vs
evil, justice and redemption. These subjects all seem vital and existential to
me and drive my stories.
2. Are there any authors who inspire you?
I’ve been inspired by Raymond Chandler, Robert B Parker, Donald Westlake, J.R.R.
Tolkein, Michael Chabon, Dave Barry, Sharyn McCrumb, Brian Jaques, William
Gibson, Dennis Lehane, SJ Rozan, Dashiell Hammett, Andrew Klavan, Harlan Coben,
Jeffery Deaver, Sarah Strohmeyer, Steve Hamilton, Rick Riordan, George
Pelecanos, Robert Crais, Joyce Carol Oates, Megan Abbott, Kinky Friedman, C.J.
Box...The list goes on and on....
Tolkein, Michael Chabon, Dave Barry, Sharyn McCrumb, Brian Jaques, William
Gibson, Dennis Lehane, SJ Rozan, Dashiell Hammett, Andrew Klavan, Harlan Coben,
Jeffery Deaver, Sarah Strohmeyer, Steve Hamilton, Rick Riordan, George
Pelecanos, Robert Crais, Joyce Carol Oates, Megan Abbott, Kinky Friedman, C.J.
Box...The list goes on and on....
3. Did you always want to write fiction or did you have some other passion growing
up?
up?
Growing up I mostly enjoyed sports, eventually focusing on basketball, devoting an
inordinate number of hours to the jump shot and crossover dribble. Reading and
writing were at best a secondary passion until I entered college, where I
continued to play basketball and also determined that, not being able to do much
else, I would major in English literature. I went on to make the
earth-shattering discovery that I, too, could try my hand at a little prose. But
it would be another fifteen in the business world before I would finally get
serious about writing.
inordinate number of hours to the jump shot and crossover dribble. Reading and
writing were at best a secondary passion until I entered college, where I
continued to play basketball and also determined that, not being able to do much
else, I would major in English literature. I went on to make the
earth-shattering discovery that I, too, could try my hand at a little prose. But
it would be another fifteen in the business world before I would finally get
serious about writing.
I guess you can say I’m a slow learner.
4. You have a long resume and writers often say one should one writer what one
knows. Does your experience at your other jobs inform your plots or characters?
knows. Does your experience at your other jobs inform your plots or characters?
Life and work experience influences everyone. For example, after more than a dozen years as a medical sales rep, my wife of many years, a practicing physician,
told me one day that I’d “learned enough about medicine to be dangerous.”
told me one day that I’d “learned enough about medicine to be dangerous.”
Writers are supposed to be dangerous, I think, dreaming up new things and cooking up stories to see how they all fit together. I’ve said on many occasions that I don’t think writing what you know is as important as writing what you love. Writing requires passion first and knowledge second. You don’t need to have worked at a particular profession or have experienced a particular thing yourself in order to write about it or create believable characters. (If you have indeed worked at in a field you want to write about that may be all well and good, up to a point, in trying to sell what you write, but in my experience it can also prove a hindrance to creating good fiction.)
Regardless, the one essential requirement is that the writer must either already have or be able to develop a passionate interest in his or her subject matter. It’s passion that allows a writer to empathize with their characters, to “get inside their heads” to accurately portray their thoughts and emotions.
5. Your most recent book, Dragonflies: Shadow of Drones, involves tiny surveillance drones sneaking into private places. Is there social commentary here or is it simply the framework for a thrilling story?
Both.
Number one, I believe in the power of storytelling.
I became fascinated a few years back with drone technology and its potential
impact on our world, and I soon came to believe it could form a compelling, and
in many ways new, framework for storytelling. This especially applies to crime
and detective fiction.
impact on our world, and I soon came to believe it could form a compelling, and
in many ways new, framework for storytelling. This especially applies to crime
and detective fiction.
What happens, for example, when investigators (perhaps in the very near future) have
micro drones at their disposal? This was the concept that fascinated me and out
of that grew the characters of Raina Sanchez and Tye Palmer.
micro drones at their disposal? This was the concept that fascinated me and out
of that grew the characters of Raina Sanchez and Tye Palmer.
At the same time, it’s impossible to ignore the potential societal and cultural
implications. For example, what if, instead of “Big Brother,” what we’re now
seeing begin to develop is the beginning of “Big Brothers?” What if everyone has
drones available to them and the entire concept of privacy begins to be lost?
(Any celebrity can tell us how that feels.)
implications. For example, what if, instead of “Big Brother,” what we’re now
seeing begin to develop is the beginning of “Big Brothers?” What if everyone has
drones available to them and the entire concept of privacy begins to be lost?
(Any celebrity can tell us how that feels.)
We’ve become a culture that worships and aspires to celebrity. What if drones, just
like the Internet and Youtube, etc. become just one more tool, one more pathway
to potential instant celebrity as the world becomes flooded with more and more
images and more and more information from places and settings heretofore unseen?
When it comes to right vs wrong, truth vs lies, will drones bring us any closer
to redemption or in some perverse irony, push us farther away?
like the Internet and Youtube, etc. become just one more tool, one more pathway
to potential instant celebrity as the world becomes flooded with more and more
images and more and more information from places and settings heretofore unseen?
When it comes to right vs wrong, truth vs lies, will drones bring us any closer
to redemption or in some perverse irony, push us farther away?
I don’t have any hard answers to these questions, but I know I want to continue to
try to tell stories within such a framework.
try to tell stories within such a framework.
6. Dragonflies: Shadow of Drones is your seventh book. Do believe the writing process is easier
after so much experience?
after so much experience?
It does get a little easier each time, at least as far as organizing the plot and
visualizing the entire book once I’m deeply into the story. But I’m always
striving to improve and I know I still have a long way to go. These days I’m
actually frustrated by an inability to tell all of the stories I want to tell. I
have far more ideas than I have time to write. It’s making me more curious
about human cloning.....kidding :)
visualizing the entire book once I’m deeply into the story. But I’m always
striving to improve and I know I still have a long way to go. These days I’m
actually frustrated by an inability to tell all of the stories I want to tell. I
have far more ideas than I have time to write. It’s making me more curious
about human cloning.....kidding :)
7. If you could only give one piece of advice to an aspiring author, what would you
say?
say?
Read all the time, write every chance you get, but make sure you get out there and
experience some real life, too. Take up falconry, climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, go to a
NASCAR race, or visit the Tower of London. Somewhere within the wealth of your
accumulated experience you’ll find a host of stories.
experience some real life, too. Take up falconry, climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, go to a
NASCAR race, or visit the Tower of London. Somewhere within the wealth of your
accumulated experience you’ll find a host of stories.
--------------------------
Learn more about Mr.Straka and his work at http://andystraka.com/
"Dragonfiles: the Shadow of Drones" is available for sale at:
Amazon
Barnes and Nobles
Monday, June 3, 2013
Inspirational Monday! Earn Your Happy Ending
The first Monday of every month is Inspirational Monday. Share something that inspires you. This month's post is about the trope "Earn Your Happy Ending".
The trope describes a happy end (maybe a straight up Happily Ever After) that comes after a great deal of struggle and hardship and despair. I like these kinds of endings because they are indeed 'earned'. Also, they are a potent weapons against the tragedy freaks shouting True Art Is Angsty. *
These types of endings are inspiring because they say that 'No, you don't have to be miserable because of your circumstances' and 'yes, you CAN earn your happy ending'. Only a cynic would say that tragedies or bittersweet is realistic. On the contrary, Earn Your Happy Ending is truer to real life because real people want to be happy. They wish for it and work at it. They don't strive for bittersweet unless it's ice cream.
Earn Your Happy Ending can contain all the deep introspection and all the thought provoking conflict and all the examination of the human condition and everything else tragedy is praised for but still end happily.
Are happy endings made from a cookie cutter? Yes, and so are tragedies. Depending on the writer's skill, a tragedy can be as bland and formualic as the 'light hearted comedies' they despise and said comedy can inspire more discussion and human reflection then a tragedy. Someone that Earns Their Happy Ending will have an end that is unique to them and this provides wide open creative freedom. Downer Endings can only come down in so mean ways; the hero dies, he doesn't get the girl, his mission/goal fails, etc. There is nothing original or thought provoking about any of this. With Earn Your Happy Ending, you can determine the nature of the ending and avoid a 'cookie cutter' tragedy.
Struggle, yes; conflict, of course; Despair and hardship, absolutely! These are the things that drive plots forward but one or all of these together does not preclude a happy ending. By enduring this struggle, facing this conflict, and overcoming the despair and hardship, their struggle has meaning and it is this meaning that is the soul of the drama. Without a goal and the belief that this goal is, despite all odds, attainable, then the conflict is nothing but "a lengthy description of unremittingly unpleasant things happening to someone." (as said on Darkness Induced Audience Apathy)
All of the above take place in the writing process: struggling to get the plot on paper, conflicts with time and energy, despair from horrid drafts or negative feedback, but never let this distract you from your goal; the finished, published product. The journey may be long and hard but the book will be finished, it will be fantastic, and readers will flock to it. With enough patience and effort, any writer can Earn Their Happy Ending!
*I have nothing against tragedy itself but I can't stand forced tragedy. If an author relies on plot holes, contrived coincidences, or idiot balls to make an ending tragic or bitter sweet then their character are derailed and their plot is cheapened.
The trope describes a happy end (maybe a straight up Happily Ever After) that comes after a great deal of struggle and hardship and despair. I like these kinds of endings because they are indeed 'earned'. Also, they are a potent weapons against the tragedy freaks shouting True Art Is Angsty. *
These types of endings are inspiring because they say that 'No, you don't have to be miserable because of your circumstances' and 'yes, you CAN earn your happy ending'. Only a cynic would say that tragedies or bittersweet is realistic. On the contrary, Earn Your Happy Ending is truer to real life because real people want to be happy. They wish for it and work at it. They don't strive for bittersweet unless it's ice cream.
Earn Your Happy Ending can contain all the deep introspection and all the thought provoking conflict and all the examination of the human condition and everything else tragedy is praised for but still end happily.
Are happy endings made from a cookie cutter? Yes, and so are tragedies. Depending on the writer's skill, a tragedy can be as bland and formualic as the 'light hearted comedies' they despise and said comedy can inspire more discussion and human reflection then a tragedy. Someone that Earns Their Happy Ending will have an end that is unique to them and this provides wide open creative freedom. Downer Endings can only come down in so mean ways; the hero dies, he doesn't get the girl, his mission/goal fails, etc. There is nothing original or thought provoking about any of this. With Earn Your Happy Ending, you can determine the nature of the ending and avoid a 'cookie cutter' tragedy.
Struggle, yes; conflict, of course; Despair and hardship, absolutely! These are the things that drive plots forward but one or all of these together does not preclude a happy ending. By enduring this struggle, facing this conflict, and overcoming the despair and hardship, their struggle has meaning and it is this meaning that is the soul of the drama. Without a goal and the belief that this goal is, despite all odds, attainable, then the conflict is nothing but "a lengthy description of unremittingly unpleasant things happening to someone." (as said on Darkness Induced Audience Apathy)
All of the above take place in the writing process: struggling to get the plot on paper, conflicts with time and energy, despair from horrid drafts or negative feedback, but never let this distract you from your goal; the finished, published product. The journey may be long and hard but the book will be finished, it will be fantastic, and readers will flock to it. With enough patience and effort, any writer can Earn Their Happy Ending!
*I have nothing against tragedy itself but I can't stand forced tragedy. If an author relies on plot holes, contrived coincidences, or idiot balls to make an ending tragic or bitter sweet then their character are derailed and their plot is cheapened.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Answering Review Request: The Apprentice
Matthew Hall asked me to read his novel "The Apprentice". It's about a knight-ninja apprentice who has to escort a noble lady to his own country's capital city where her groom, his boss, is waiting for her. I will analyze the story in terms of plot, characters, and polish, and then assign a grade.
PLOT
Allow me to list the reasons why I like this story:
It's an unorthodox plot because there is no central villain. In another story with this premise there would be a Big Bad sending out organized mooks to abduct the Damsel In Distress in order to prevent the wedding for some nefarious purpose. Instead, it's a simple escort mission besot by garden variety bandits. The main conflict is internal; Artamos' struggle with self-control, Leona's struggle with her lack of freedom, Falita's desire of a better life etc. It's more down-to-earth because of this and so the characters feel more real.
There's a role playing game feel to this story for a couple reasons. The first is that the bandit attacks aren't part of an organized gang and so they come off as random encounters; the second is 'escort a noble lady' sounds like a mission for a main plot or a side quest. Being a fan of Final Fantasy, this is another check on my list of positives.
The cherry on top is the ending. It fully resolves the story's conflict while remaining open to any number of future stories.
CHARACTERS
The characters are diverse and well rounded. There's Artamos, heroic and dedicated to his order but still struggles with things like hormones and isn't an unbeatable fighting machine. There's his mentor Rizz, who has great wit and a mentor's gravitas. Falita makes a great contrast to them with her desire for creature comforts and her substantially greater blood thirst. Leona contrasts them all because she's a noble lady and they are (essentially) ninjas. While she's introduced as a traditional Beautiful-Inside-And-Out-Lady she's more devious and rebellious than that.
On another level, there's jurisdiction friction between the Black Knights and the more traditional plate mail knights but the latter are not made into jerkasses for the sake of drama. I appreciate that because it made those knights more like characters in their own right instead of plot props. Like I said earlier, they feel more real because the plot doesn't force them to be something else.
The Black Knight Organization gets a paragraph to itself. They're like medieval black ops; they focus on stealth and scouting and hidden bodyguards duties. Because they answer directly to the king, there's a great deal of secrecy about them. In the sequel sample, one character describes them as 'stepping out of shadows'.
POLISH
This is the only area where the book losses points. There are a number of spelling errors; 'waste' instead of 'waist' and 'heal' instead of 'heel'. Also, some of the combat scenes have comma splices which occasionally makes them hard to follow. Over all it's minor; nothing an editor couldn't fix and Mr.Hall has informed me that he has proofreaders working on it.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Apprentice" an A
PLOT
Allow me to list the reasons why I like this story:
It's an unorthodox plot because there is no central villain. In another story with this premise there would be a Big Bad sending out organized mooks to abduct the Damsel In Distress in order to prevent the wedding for some nefarious purpose. Instead, it's a simple escort mission besot by garden variety bandits. The main conflict is internal; Artamos' struggle with self-control, Leona's struggle with her lack of freedom, Falita's desire of a better life etc. It's more down-to-earth because of this and so the characters feel more real.
There's a role playing game feel to this story for a couple reasons. The first is that the bandit attacks aren't part of an organized gang and so they come off as random encounters; the second is 'escort a noble lady' sounds like a mission for a main plot or a side quest. Being a fan of Final Fantasy, this is another check on my list of positives.
The cherry on top is the ending. It fully resolves the story's conflict while remaining open to any number of future stories.
CHARACTERS
The characters are diverse and well rounded. There's Artamos, heroic and dedicated to his order but still struggles with things like hormones and isn't an unbeatable fighting machine. There's his mentor Rizz, who has great wit and a mentor's gravitas. Falita makes a great contrast to them with her desire for creature comforts and her substantially greater blood thirst. Leona contrasts them all because she's a noble lady and they are (essentially) ninjas. While she's introduced as a traditional Beautiful-Inside-And-Out-Lady she's more devious and rebellious than that.
On another level, there's jurisdiction friction between the Black Knights and the more traditional plate mail knights but the latter are not made into jerkasses for the sake of drama. I appreciate that because it made those knights more like characters in their own right instead of plot props. Like I said earlier, they feel more real because the plot doesn't force them to be something else.
The Black Knight Organization gets a paragraph to itself. They're like medieval black ops; they focus on stealth and scouting and hidden bodyguards duties. Because they answer directly to the king, there's a great deal of secrecy about them. In the sequel sample, one character describes them as 'stepping out of shadows'.
POLISH
This is the only area where the book losses points. There are a number of spelling errors; 'waste' instead of 'waist' and 'heal' instead of 'heel'. Also, some of the combat scenes have comma splices which occasionally makes them hard to follow. Over all it's minor; nothing an editor couldn't fix and Mr.Hall has informed me that he has proofreaders working on it.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Apprentice" an A
Click here for the next review request: "Tears of Min Brock"
Click here for the previous review request: "Immortality Blues"
Monday, May 27, 2013
Inspirational Monday! Tvtropes and Patience
Technically the first Monday of every month is inspirational Monday but I forgot this month because the first Monday was the sixth. So instead I'm doing it on the last Monday of the month. Surprise!
This is another one about tvtropes. The last one was about Tvtropes curing a writer of delusions of originality. ( You can read it here) This one is about how it can teach patience. As seen in the quote at the top of this blog, it will be framed in the duality of Creation and Destruction.
When writing and especially revising, the writing process can be frustratingly slow. Sentences sound like trash, the scenes come out awkward, and every revision reveals more typos and more areas to improve. Tvtropes is a terrific place for learning the finer points of revision and developing the patience to endure them.
As a volunteer book reviewer I create tvtropes pages for books if I like them enough. I recommend all authors do this because filling up a trope page forces one to think about the nuts and bolts of storytelling. The plot and characters and setting are compartmentalized into aspects such as "The Chessmaster", "The Reveal", and "Medieval Stasis". Individual scenes are sorted into exposition, awesome, and nightmare fuel. Analyzing a story and researching tvtropes long enough to accomplish this requires a time and continuous effort and so it will help you develop patience. Furthermore your knowledge of storytelling will expand and your understanding of storytelling will increase.
As a volunteer wiki editor I skim tvtropes pages looking for misuse and incorrect formatting. This involves looking for incorrect trope usage, gushing, natter (conversations outside of forums) and other things. I call it training from hell for an author because it is boring, monotonous, frustrating, and there can be a thousand and one tiny things wrong with a badly misused page. After a list of five hundred where you have to wade through a sea of stupidity and complaining and gushing where each wick could be misuse for five other tropes, revising one's own story looks easy and relaxing in comparison.
This is another one about tvtropes. The last one was about Tvtropes curing a writer of delusions of originality. ( You can read it here) This one is about how it can teach patience. As seen in the quote at the top of this blog, it will be framed in the duality of Creation and Destruction.
When writing and especially revising, the writing process can be frustratingly slow. Sentences sound like trash, the scenes come out awkward, and every revision reveals more typos and more areas to improve. Tvtropes is a terrific place for learning the finer points of revision and developing the patience to endure them.
As a volunteer book reviewer I create tvtropes pages for books if I like them enough. I recommend all authors do this because filling up a trope page forces one to think about the nuts and bolts of storytelling. The plot and characters and setting are compartmentalized into aspects such as "The Chessmaster", "The Reveal", and "Medieval Stasis". Individual scenes are sorted into exposition, awesome, and nightmare fuel. Analyzing a story and researching tvtropes long enough to accomplish this requires a time and continuous effort and so it will help you develop patience. Furthermore your knowledge of storytelling will expand and your understanding of storytelling will increase.
As a volunteer wiki editor I skim tvtropes pages looking for misuse and incorrect formatting. This involves looking for incorrect trope usage, gushing, natter (conversations outside of forums) and other things. I call it training from hell for an author because it is boring, monotonous, frustrating, and there can be a thousand and one tiny things wrong with a badly misused page. After a list of five hundred where you have to wade through a sea of stupidity and complaining and gushing where each wick could be misuse for five other tropes, revising one's own story looks easy and relaxing in comparison.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Revising and Rewriting
Right now I'm in the process of revising the sequel to A Mage's Power, Looming Shadow. I've been stuck in chapter 8 for a while now because I'm doing more rewriting than revising. I finished the first draft years ago and I have revised it several times since then; I added 1/3 onto its length to improve the plot and better explain important events. Now I'm going through it line by line and I've found heaps of stuff to expand on, detail, and otherwise, improve.
Victoria Grefer, over on Creating Writing with the Crimson League,, likes to quote Stephen King and his 'two month rule'. It states that a writer should stay away from a WIP for two months before looking over it for revision so they look at the story with a fresh mind. I believe this to be true. There is no other explanation for why I missed so much in my previous drafts; I usually wait two days.
The second chapter, for instance, looked like a glorified outline. I couldn't believe it when I read it last month because I had read so many times before. I went to work adding sensory detail to this scene, and adding this other scene wholesale so this new town will be consistent in culture and technology with another town in the first book. I discovered new potential for character relationships that worked fantastically as foreshadowing for later events. I wanted to smack myself for missing something that, in retrospect, was obvious.
I feel as if I am rewriting the book instead of revising it which will put me at an earlier stage in the writing process which means more revision to come which means it will take longer to publish which is frustrating. Hopefully the rest of the story won't require the same level of revision but if that's what that's what it takes then that's what I'll do. Making the story the best it can be is the point of this step in the writing process.
Victoria Grefer, over on Creating Writing with the Crimson League,, likes to quote Stephen King and his 'two month rule'. It states that a writer should stay away from a WIP for two months before looking over it for revision so they look at the story with a fresh mind. I believe this to be true. There is no other explanation for why I missed so much in my previous drafts; I usually wait two days.
The second chapter, for instance, looked like a glorified outline. I couldn't believe it when I read it last month because I had read so many times before. I went to work adding sensory detail to this scene, and adding this other scene wholesale so this new town will be consistent in culture and technology with another town in the first book. I discovered new potential for character relationships that worked fantastically as foreshadowing for later events. I wanted to smack myself for missing something that, in retrospect, was obvious.
I feel as if I am rewriting the book instead of revising it which will put me at an earlier stage in the writing process which means more revision to come which means it will take longer to publish which is frustrating. Hopefully the rest of the story won't require the same level of revision but if that's what that's what it takes then that's what I'll do. Making the story the best it can be is the point of this step in the writing process.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Answering Review Request: Immortality Blues
Roy Faith asked me to read his story "Immortality Blues". It follows the life story of a nameless protagonist from 1881 to 1981. I will evaluate the story according to plot, characters, prose, and polish, and at the end assign a grade.
PLOT
There is no plot. Instead of a novel, this is closer to a fictional autobiography because it doesn't tell a story so much as record what happens to the guy. The nameless protagonist is in some place, stuff happens to him and finally tragedy forces him to leave that place and wander about until he goes to another place where the cycle repeats. There is no antagonist so the protagonist has nothing to work against and the protagonist has no motive except at one point and only briefly so he doesn't make anything happen himself. This makes the second to last arc all the more peculiar; he joins the military. Why he does I can't say other than 'death seeker' or Mr. Faith wants to illustrate how military life is awful. This is not an epic; it's too vague and mundane and listless.
Only one character carries over between places and other than her the separate story arcs may as well be separate stories entirely. There is no running plot thread or build up or resolution. It makes for dull reading. There are good parts, some witty parts, and some funny parts but they are few and far between.
There is no ending which is always a mark against any story. The last arc starts up just like the ones before it and then the story ends. I can't stand that. It reeks of laziness and/or pretentiousness.
The second one is more likely because of a scene in the third arc where a character ridicules stories with plot structure and characters who have clear motives by calling them 'lifeless and unreal'. The character burns such a story after reading it. I recognize this is a character's opinion and not necessarily Mr.Faith's but the contrast with this story is too great and it sounds too defensive to be taken as anything but an Author Tract.
"She grew frustrated and angry at the blandness of it!" Is this character's reaction to the 'prim and proper' story and it could also be my reaction to Immortality Blues.
Overall, it reminds me of the modernist literature I had to read in college. I hated every word of that stuff.
CHARACTERS
The only permanent character is the protagonist. He has no name and there is no in-story reason for this. The narration doesn't use it and no one else does either. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that a person could live for one hundred years without using or hearing his own name once. If there was a reason I could understand but there is no reason. I assume Mr.Faith's intention is to evoke a Everyman sense but any chance of this protagonist being an everyman goes out the window after the third arc and especially when he takes notice of his immortality.
As for personality, he bounces between extreme work ethic and laziness; his goals and priorities shift so often and are so insubstantial I feel the plot dictates them to suit itself rather than any intrinsic character trait. He has a personality but the vagueness of the plot and the prose make him sound like an empty vessel for people to interact with. He is referred to by whatever he means to the person he's talking to; the suitor, the rival, the prisoner, etc. Eventually the prose becomes so broken up by radio news and so reduced to 'feelings' instead of narration that his personality disappears entirely.
Another problem is so big it deserves its own paragraph. The protagonist is implied to be immortal. At numerous points he and others note that he doesn't age beyond twenty-something. This is why he escapes punishment for a crime he was framed for (he evaded the law for so long he looked too young to be the suspect) and why his wife freaked out at him for 'stealing her youth'. This is important and yet it is never addressed. It is especially galling for me because I was looking for the fantasy element. Fantasy is one of my preferred genres when answering a review request and so I was disappointed that the character's immortality was never addressed.
Other characters are transient and have the same problems. They have one or two traits and otherwise exist to give a speech about gender equality or economics or pyschology or what have you. Most of all, Bea feels like a plot device. She is initially important, then fades in the next arc, and suddenly reappears and takes over the plot some hundred pages later, then Mr.Faith Drops A Bridge On Her so he can move into something else and then she comes back again another hundred or so pages later to end yet another arc. I feel her character exists only to make the protagonist suffer.
The bright spot in the character's section is the Old Blind Man. In a world of dispassionate and/or two dimensional people, this guy has life in him! I enjoyed his monologues and his eccentricities such as shooting the birds that land on his roof.
PROSE
This author has a style that is great for atmosphere. It creates a sense of personality and place in the opening pages and the first arc. The meandering prose and the disjointed plot threads are appropriate and even effective for a 'small town slice of life' thing but the problem is the plot. As mentioned above, nothing happens. The protagonist has nothing to do with any of the events.
As the story continues it gets more vague and skipped over and, in a word, 'strange'. Either Mr.Faith didn't bother revising the end parts or they're a Painting The Fourth Wall metaphor for dementia.
POLISH
There are no spelling/grammar errors nor is there any word cruft. I am grateful for that. Word cruft would have made this story longer and more dreadful. In the first arc when the narration is coherent, it is my favorite part.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Immortality Blues" a D-
Click here for the previous review request: Exile's Violin
PLOT
There is no plot. Instead of a novel, this is closer to a fictional autobiography because it doesn't tell a story so much as record what happens to the guy. The nameless protagonist is in some place, stuff happens to him and finally tragedy forces him to leave that place and wander about until he goes to another place where the cycle repeats. There is no antagonist so the protagonist has nothing to work against and the protagonist has no motive except at one point and only briefly so he doesn't make anything happen himself. This makes the second to last arc all the more peculiar; he joins the military. Why he does I can't say other than 'death seeker' or Mr. Faith wants to illustrate how military life is awful. This is not an epic; it's too vague and mundane and listless.
Only one character carries over between places and other than her the separate story arcs may as well be separate stories entirely. There is no running plot thread or build up or resolution. It makes for dull reading. There are good parts, some witty parts, and some funny parts but they are few and far between.
There is no ending which is always a mark against any story. The last arc starts up just like the ones before it and then the story ends. I can't stand that. It reeks of laziness and/or pretentiousness.
The second one is more likely because of a scene in the third arc where a character ridicules stories with plot structure and characters who have clear motives by calling them 'lifeless and unreal'. The character burns such a story after reading it. I recognize this is a character's opinion and not necessarily Mr.Faith's but the contrast with this story is too great and it sounds too defensive to be taken as anything but an Author Tract.
"She grew frustrated and angry at the blandness of it!" Is this character's reaction to the 'prim and proper' story and it could also be my reaction to Immortality Blues.
Overall, it reminds me of the modernist literature I had to read in college. I hated every word of that stuff.
CHARACTERS
The only permanent character is the protagonist. He has no name and there is no in-story reason for this. The narration doesn't use it and no one else does either. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that a person could live for one hundred years without using or hearing his own name once. If there was a reason I could understand but there is no reason. I assume Mr.Faith's intention is to evoke a Everyman sense but any chance of this protagonist being an everyman goes out the window after the third arc and especially when he takes notice of his immortality.
As for personality, he bounces between extreme work ethic and laziness; his goals and priorities shift so often and are so insubstantial I feel the plot dictates them to suit itself rather than any intrinsic character trait. He has a personality but the vagueness of the plot and the prose make him sound like an empty vessel for people to interact with. He is referred to by whatever he means to the person he's talking to; the suitor, the rival, the prisoner, etc. Eventually the prose becomes so broken up by radio news and so reduced to 'feelings' instead of narration that his personality disappears entirely.
Another problem is so big it deserves its own paragraph. The protagonist is implied to be immortal. At numerous points he and others note that he doesn't age beyond twenty-something. This is why he escapes punishment for a crime he was framed for (he evaded the law for so long he looked too young to be the suspect) and why his wife freaked out at him for 'stealing her youth'. This is important and yet it is never addressed. It is especially galling for me because I was looking for the fantasy element. Fantasy is one of my preferred genres when answering a review request and so I was disappointed that the character's immortality was never addressed.
Other characters are transient and have the same problems. They have one or two traits and otherwise exist to give a speech about gender equality or economics or pyschology or what have you. Most of all, Bea feels like a plot device. She is initially important, then fades in the next arc, and suddenly reappears and takes over the plot some hundred pages later, then Mr.Faith Drops A Bridge On Her so he can move into something else and then she comes back again another hundred or so pages later to end yet another arc. I feel her character exists only to make the protagonist suffer.
The bright spot in the character's section is the Old Blind Man. In a world of dispassionate and/or two dimensional people, this guy has life in him! I enjoyed his monologues and his eccentricities such as shooting the birds that land on his roof.
PROSE
This author has a style that is great for atmosphere. It creates a sense of personality and place in the opening pages and the first arc. The meandering prose and the disjointed plot threads are appropriate and even effective for a 'small town slice of life' thing but the problem is the plot. As mentioned above, nothing happens. The protagonist has nothing to do with any of the events.
As the story continues it gets more vague and skipped over and, in a word, 'strange'. Either Mr.Faith didn't bother revising the end parts or they're a Painting The Fourth Wall metaphor for dementia.
POLISH
There are no spelling/grammar errors nor is there any word cruft. I am grateful for that. Word cruft would have made this story longer and more dreadful. In the first arc when the narration is coherent, it is my favorite part.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Immortality Blues" a D-
Click here for the previous review request: Exile's Violin
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The Hero of Another Story
Some weeks ago I wrote a post about Avoiding Tunnel Vision when writing a novel. (You can read it here). This post is related to that and takes its name from TvTropes. The core of the trope is as follows (taken from the trope's page itself as seen here).
"The writers give the impression that this character is having just as many adventures as the hero, only offscreen. In other words, they're the Hero of Another Story."
The test of this trope is asking if this person could be The Protagonist instead of the one you have chosen and saying 'yes'.
This trope is a useful tool in avoiding Tunnel Vision because it helps break the idea that the hero is the only hero. There are other heroes and they are having other adventures in other places. Simply alluding to these places and adventures will develop the world of the main characters. Adding one of them will force you to think about what is happening outside the main characters' sight and you will know more about the plot as a whole. All of this will enhance the main narrative because you have created the Full Picture.
From a Doylist POV, The Hero of Another Story is also great for the helping the reader maintain their Willing Suspension of Disbelief.
1. You don't have to force your reader to accept that the Rag Tag Bunch of Misfits can defeat the Evil Empire all by themselves because there are OTHER heroes working towards the cause.
2. The team can be modified as needed to suit a story arc by slipping in one member or another. A Six Ranger can drop in to help out on this particular mission and then go do something else that's necessary to advance the cause (and by this, advance the plot). By contrast, one or more members of the group can go help that person while the remaining heroes focus on the events that the reader will see. If this is done well then it will give the story a broader scope and a wider world, but if you're not careful it will become Put On A Bus.
3. They can arrive to save the main heroes and it won't (if handled appropriately) appear like a deus ex machina because the reader knows that they are out there and that they are just as competent as the heroes themselves.
My own experience with this trope is why I recommend it so highly.
Part of the pre-writing for A Mage's Power involved filling the guild Eric would join. The Dragon's Lair is a mercenary guild so I thought it would be odd if there weren't other mercenaries going on missions and making money so I created a list; their names and abilities and personalities. This provided me with a pool of characters to draw from and allowed me to avoid the idea that no one else was doing anything. They gave the preception that there are mercenaries in this organization that have lives outside of their relation to Eric and roles in the plot that do not connect directly to Eric. Furthermore they gave the organization character and life. Instead of a plot device for building Eric's confidence and magical power, it is its own place and Eric happens to be part of it. I wish I could have done more with them which leads to my final point: Fanfic Fuel.
I got my start in writing fiction from writing fan fiction. I spotted a potential in the canon of the story I watched and used that to develop my own story within that canon. It was a lot of fun. My point is that readers love fanfic fuel. After finishing a story, my first thought is to look up fanfics to prolong my enjoyment of the story and see what others have come up with. By including a Hero Of Another Story you provide them with a wealth of possible adventures just waiting to be written.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Answering Review Request: Exile's Violin
R.S. Hunter asked me to review his story "Exile's Violin." It's a steampunk detective novel with a smidgen of fantasy. It stars Jacquie, a girl who losses everything when thieves blow up her home. The backbone of the story is her quest to retrieve two items that were stolen from her at that time and take revenge on those that did it. The following review will evaluate the characters, plot, polish, and finally assign a grade.
PLOT
There are three genres in this story: detective, military, and heroic fantasy and all in a steampunk setting. It works better than you might think.
The plot begins as a detective novel; Jacquie is hired by a big wig to investigate a warmonger conspiracy. Then the plot transitions to a military story when the conspiracy is revealed and battles take place. Finally it shifts to heroic fantasy at the climax; a warrior armed with mystic weapons fights a power mad villain with magic. When I stopped to think about it, I was amazed by how well Mr.Hunter makes this work.
Jacquie has an internal monologue lampshading how out of place she, as a detective, is on a military vessel, and the second transition is adequately developed before hand so it doesn't feel too jarring. Indeed, Jacquie is more shocked by the Big Bad killing people with his magic powers than by the fact that he has magic powers at all.
The sequence of events from scene to scene is well done; no shocking swerves and the reasons for doing X or Y make sense. The characters are driving the plot for 99 percent of the story and that makes for an engaging adventure. However, the problem lies in that last 1 percent.
It may be due to my troper experience but the big plot twists were easy to see coming. I count four of them and the last one is the only one that surprised me and only because of the setting. This is due to the nature of the setup; I'm surprised Jacquie herself didn't see them coming. At points such as this I could feel Mr.Hunter hands on her shoulders; preventing her from taking action. This also happens with the Big Bad, who would have gotten along famously with one from a James Bond film.
1. Why Don't You Just Shoot Her?
-The Big Bad had ample opportunity to kill the heroes throughout the novel but doesn't act on it. Even at the end he doesn't seriously try to kill them. He uses a magical, undodgeable, one-hit kill on the soldiers but uses something else to attack Jacquie. It lead me to consider Alternate Character Interpretation to explain it because otherwise the plot would collapse like a house without support beams.
2. You Can't Thwart Stage One
- Jacquie has two opportunities to shoot the Big Bad before the final stage. The first time she lets him give a motive rant despite saying she doesn't care why he's doing it. This allows him to get away. The second time she has Clay and six soldiers with her and she doesn't shoot. She takes a long time to aim which is enough for the Big Bad to get the upper hand again. This time it is so ridiculous it would be funny if it were not painful. One man with an auto-rifle makes eight fully armed people (six of them soldiers) surrender. On both of these occassions the Big Bad could have killed Jacquie with ease but doesn't and provides no reason why he doesn't.
Neither of those problems affect the conclusion of the climax. That was foreshadowed well in advance and drawn attention to in the calm before the climax. Not everything is tied up pretty with a bow but the main conflict and Jacquie's character arc are resolved. It's a great place to push from because the baggage of this book is shed and leaves great potential for future adventures.
CHARACTERS
Whatever problems the plot has in its foundations, they are easy to overlook thanks to the characters. My favorite part of this book is not the conspiracy plot or anything involving the Big Bad but the snark to snark combat between Jacquie and her sidekick, Clay. The contrast between their lives (working class detective and upper class socialite) and their mutual wit are much more fun to read than their investigations.
Jacquie is a deconstruction of badass and this is one of the reasons why I like her. She's is a tough woman; she can win gun fights when outnumbered and escape a city that's quarantined by a military looking for her specifically, but she's not unstoppable or invincible. She gets tired like real people and gets splinters and scrapes like real people that need to be attended to. Secondly, when the story shifts from investigating to airship battles, she fades into the background and becomes a view point character. She is not a soldier or a sailor so she's useless in such a situation and acknowledges it.
Secondly, she is what I'd call a positive use of Static Character; there is a long time skip between the robbery and the main narrative because the former is a prologue. In this period she goes from traumatized schoolgirl to veteran detective. Seeing these two mesh in the main story is the appeal of her character arc.
By contrast, Clay has a significant amount of character development. He goes from a bored rich guy to a devoted knight in shining armor; taking his hobby seriously, caring about Jacquie personally instead of as a source of excitement, and becoming her conscience. He regularly snarks at her anti-hero actions and calls her out on the more extreme ones. Watching him grow is like watching a gaudy foam sword transform into a elegant steel one.
POLISH
I don't see any word cruft which is always a plus. The sentences are crisp and precise and clear. There may have been one or two spelling errors but overall the book has a polished feel to it.
GRADE
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exile's Violin" an A-
Click here for the next review request: Immortality Blues
Click here for the previous review request: Exile Autumn's Peril
PLOT
There are three genres in this story: detective, military, and heroic fantasy and all in a steampunk setting. It works better than you might think.
The plot begins as a detective novel; Jacquie is hired by a big wig to investigate a warmonger conspiracy. Then the plot transitions to a military story when the conspiracy is revealed and battles take place. Finally it shifts to heroic fantasy at the climax; a warrior armed with mystic weapons fights a power mad villain with magic. When I stopped to think about it, I was amazed by how well Mr.Hunter makes this work.
Jacquie has an internal monologue lampshading how out of place she, as a detective, is on a military vessel, and the second transition is adequately developed before hand so it doesn't feel too jarring. Indeed, Jacquie is more shocked by the Big Bad killing people with his magic powers than by the fact that he has magic powers at all.
The sequence of events from scene to scene is well done; no shocking swerves and the reasons for doing X or Y make sense. The characters are driving the plot for 99 percent of the story and that makes for an engaging adventure. However, the problem lies in that last 1 percent.
It may be due to my troper experience but the big plot twists were easy to see coming. I count four of them and the last one is the only one that surprised me and only because of the setting. This is due to the nature of the setup; I'm surprised Jacquie herself didn't see them coming. At points such as this I could feel Mr.Hunter hands on her shoulders; preventing her from taking action. This also happens with the Big Bad, who would have gotten along famously with one from a James Bond film.
1. Why Don't You Just Shoot Her?
-The Big Bad had ample opportunity to kill the heroes throughout the novel but doesn't act on it. Even at the end he doesn't seriously try to kill them. He uses a magical, undodgeable, one-hit kill on the soldiers but uses something else to attack Jacquie. It lead me to consider Alternate Character Interpretation to explain it because otherwise the plot would collapse like a house without support beams.
2. You Can't Thwart Stage One
- Jacquie has two opportunities to shoot the Big Bad before the final stage. The first time she lets him give a motive rant despite saying she doesn't care why he's doing it. This allows him to get away. The second time she has Clay and six soldiers with her and she doesn't shoot. She takes a long time to aim which is enough for the Big Bad to get the upper hand again. This time it is so ridiculous it would be funny if it were not painful. One man with an auto-rifle makes eight fully armed people (six of them soldiers) surrender. On both of these occassions the Big Bad could have killed Jacquie with ease but doesn't and provides no reason why he doesn't.
Neither of those problems affect the conclusion of the climax. That was foreshadowed well in advance and drawn attention to in the calm before the climax. Not everything is tied up pretty with a bow but the main conflict and Jacquie's character arc are resolved. It's a great place to push from because the baggage of this book is shed and leaves great potential for future adventures.
CHARACTERS
Whatever problems the plot has in its foundations, they are easy to overlook thanks to the characters. My favorite part of this book is not the conspiracy plot or anything involving the Big Bad but the snark to snark combat between Jacquie and her sidekick, Clay. The contrast between their lives (working class detective and upper class socialite) and their mutual wit are much more fun to read than their investigations.
Jacquie is a deconstruction of badass and this is one of the reasons why I like her. She's is a tough woman; she can win gun fights when outnumbered and escape a city that's quarantined by a military looking for her specifically, but she's not unstoppable or invincible. She gets tired like real people and gets splinters and scrapes like real people that need to be attended to. Secondly, when the story shifts from investigating to airship battles, she fades into the background and becomes a view point character. She is not a soldier or a sailor so she's useless in such a situation and acknowledges it.
Secondly, she is what I'd call a positive use of Static Character; there is a long time skip between the robbery and the main narrative because the former is a prologue. In this period she goes from traumatized schoolgirl to veteran detective. Seeing these two mesh in the main story is the appeal of her character arc.
By contrast, Clay has a significant amount of character development. He goes from a bored rich guy to a devoted knight in shining armor; taking his hobby seriously, caring about Jacquie personally instead of as a source of excitement, and becoming her conscience. He regularly snarks at her anti-hero actions and calls her out on the more extreme ones. Watching him grow is like watching a gaudy foam sword transform into a elegant steel one.
POLISH
I don't see any word cruft which is always a plus. The sentences are crisp and precise and clear. There may have been one or two spelling errors but overall the book has a polished feel to it.
GRADE
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exile's Violin" an A-
Click here for the next review request: Immortality Blues
Click here for the previous review request: Exile Autumn's Peril
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Importance of an Editor
When I began writing I wanted to be my own editor. Now I am not so naive. A Mage's Power I has received many reviews that said the spelling and/or grammar was horrible. They came to both the amazon listing and this very blog. Even the people that liked the book and left positive reviews still said the book needed substantial editing. For context, I made three passes through the manuscript after I thought I found all the errors from the previous seven or so passes.
Acknowledging defeat I contacted an editing service and was struck a further blow to my editing ego. They said the book needed more than a 'light proofing' and that they had fixed 'thousands' of errors in the first hundred pages. They were not exaggerating; there really were thousands of errors because the same sort of errors were repeated over and over again.
You see I was still trying to deny that I needed an editor. I told myself that it was just a few errors here and there that, over 400 kindle pages, added up, and that all I needed was a different set of eyes. When I looked over the marked up manuscript that came back, I realized that was far from true. I'm happy to say to say it was worth it. Ever since then the reviews that complained of grammar and/or spelling have disappeared.
In case you're interested, that service is Hercules Editing and Consulting and I'm about to use their services again for other things (Table of Contents, advertising, etc) and found a package that included editing. For all you readers out there, this means there will be another free period in the near future.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Creating Names in Fiction
The other day I received a review concerning the naming conventions in A Mage's Power. They thought my name reversals were both punny and distracting which made me think about how often I relied on them. That got me thinking about naming conventions in general which lead to how many entries TvTropes has for them.
I don't like using conventional baby-book style names. For some reason they feel weird so I make up names for characters and places. One of the ways I do this is by taking a word relevant to the thing in question and reversing it. For instance, there is a character called 'Nosiop' that is a poison master. This way I can quickly create a name but I can also see how it can be distracting. Once one realizes that a name is a word backwards it can be hard to avoid seeing both at once. In the future I'll look for other ways to add meaning to names and this is where TvTropes comes in.
On Tvtropes we have an index full of tropes devoted to naming conventions. I'll illustrate a few of them with Noisop.
Meaningful Name: Noisop is a maker of poison.
Ironic Name: If Noisop were a maker of medicine instead of poison.
Names to Run Away From Really Fast: A name resembling 'poison' is suspicous; it could mean he was an assassin or a Poisonous Friend, etc.
Some Call Me Tim: If his true first name was Cyanogenic-Glycoside, he might opt for the simpler 'Noisop'. This could lead to him being Only Known By His Nickname.
Unfortunate Name: If a customer found out his name meant 'poison' then Noisop would have a hard time being a chef.
There are many, many more but I'll stop there. If I do too many I'll look up the ones I don't know and get sucked into the Troper Hive Mind again.
Most of the characters in A Mage's Power have names that carry some form of meaning but there are two exceptions. One is a guy named 'Sam'. He is so minor that I couldn't be bothered to think of a concept meaningful enough to reverse. The second, by contrast, is the protagonist himself, Eric. I have no idea where that name come from or why I settled on it. It's just there.
What about all you other authors out there; what do you think about naming conventions?
I don't like using conventional baby-book style names. For some reason they feel weird so I make up names for characters and places. One of the ways I do this is by taking a word relevant to the thing in question and reversing it. For instance, there is a character called 'Nosiop' that is a poison master. This way I can quickly create a name but I can also see how it can be distracting. Once one realizes that a name is a word backwards it can be hard to avoid seeing both at once. In the future I'll look for other ways to add meaning to names and this is where TvTropes comes in.
On Tvtropes we have an index full of tropes devoted to naming conventions. I'll illustrate a few of them with Noisop.
Meaningful Name: Noisop is a maker of poison.
Ironic Name: If Noisop were a maker of medicine instead of poison.
Names to Run Away From Really Fast: A name resembling 'poison' is suspicous; it could mean he was an assassin or a Poisonous Friend, etc.
Some Call Me Tim: If his true first name was Cyanogenic-Glycoside, he might opt for the simpler 'Noisop'. This could lead to him being Only Known By His Nickname.
Unfortunate Name: If a customer found out his name meant 'poison' then Noisop would have a hard time being a chef.
There are many, many more but I'll stop there. If I do too many I'll look up the ones I don't know and get sucked into the Troper Hive Mind again.
Most of the characters in A Mage's Power have names that carry some form of meaning but there are two exceptions. One is a guy named 'Sam'. He is so minor that I couldn't be bothered to think of a concept meaningful enough to reverse. The second, by contrast, is the protagonist himself, Eric. I have no idea where that name come from or why I settled on it. It's just there.
What about all you other authors out there; what do you think about naming conventions?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Zap! Word Cruft
"Don't forget, actually, as a matter of fact, what really happened is that there's far too much Word Cruft in this example."
-TvTropes's Editing Tips Worksheet
I can't stand word cruft. I see 'pretty much' and 'actually' and 'quite a bit' and I want to ZAP them. I'll see it in a newspaper and I'll mentally edit it out. I feel compelled to do this; part of the reason came from editing A Mage's Power ten times over but most of the blame goes to Tvtropes. That's why it's quoted at the top of this article.
Sometimes I think my fellow tropers believe that adding more words means adding more power. It is the opposite; the more words a sentence has the less meaningful it is. Which sounds stronger to you?
1. "The hero jumped into the mob's path and shouted, 'STOP!'"
OR
2. "Basically the hero pretty much jumped into the mob's path and actually shouted, 'STOP!'"
I had trouble writing the second one because I couldn't decide where to place the word cruft. That's because they're interchangeable! They do nothing more than make the sentence longer; literary padding. When I read a book for review, word cruft is one of the things I look for.
Sentences are stronger when the reader does not have to climb over superfluous words to arrive at the meaning of a sentence. Adding a 'though' at the end feels like a car hitting a pot hole; it breaks the momentum and brings the action to a screeching halt. The presence or absence of word cruft can mean the difference between an A and an A+. As an author myself, I would rather brag about the latter than the former. (for other red flags, click here.)
The only situation where word cruft is acceptable is when it is used for characterization. If a character says "Basically" at the start of every sentence, that becomes a verbal tic and distinguishes them from other characters. An author can use this to avoid putting 'Character X said' at the end of their sentence or as a hint to a mystery character's secret identity. In all other cases, ZAP!
-TvTropes's Editing Tips Worksheet
I can't stand word cruft. I see 'pretty much' and 'actually' and 'quite a bit' and I want to ZAP them. I'll see it in a newspaper and I'll mentally edit it out. I feel compelled to do this; part of the reason came from editing A Mage's Power ten times over but most of the blame goes to Tvtropes. That's why it's quoted at the top of this article.
Sometimes I think my fellow tropers believe that adding more words means adding more power. It is the opposite; the more words a sentence has the less meaningful it is. Which sounds stronger to you?
1. "The hero jumped into the mob's path and shouted, 'STOP!'"
OR
2. "Basically the hero pretty much jumped into the mob's path and actually shouted, 'STOP!'"
I had trouble writing the second one because I couldn't decide where to place the word cruft. That's because they're interchangeable! They do nothing more than make the sentence longer; literary padding. When I read a book for review, word cruft is one of the things I look for.
Sentences are stronger when the reader does not have to climb over superfluous words to arrive at the meaning of a sentence. Adding a 'though' at the end feels like a car hitting a pot hole; it breaks the momentum and brings the action to a screeching halt. The presence or absence of word cruft can mean the difference between an A and an A+. As an author myself, I would rather brag about the latter than the former. (for other red flags, click here.)
The only situation where word cruft is acceptable is when it is used for characterization. If a character says "Basically" at the start of every sentence, that becomes a verbal tic and distinguishes them from other characters. An author can use this to avoid putting 'Character X said' at the end of their sentence or as a hint to a mystery character's secret identity. In all other cases, ZAP!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Answering Review Request: Exiled Autumn's Peril (Chronicles of Caleath)
Rosaline Skinner asked me to read Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath. It's about a virtual reality champion turned gladiator turned fugitive.
Plot
The story begins with Caleath crash landing on a pre-industrial planet and dodging assassins sent by the villain on his way to a beacon that will teleport him off the planet so he can kill the villain. Around him there are two plots that hedge his movements.
1.) On the galactic scale, Caleath is the unwilling star of a new reality show called Real Time. It's set up by the villain to make money off his suffering. His flight from ranger/wardens forms the plot of this show and they are all magically compelled to kill him to prevent a peaceful resolution.
2.) On a local scale (i.e. everyone else) there is a problem with giant ants. These creatures will make the planet uninhabitable within years and conventional methods have minimal affect on them. This makes Caleath, an alien with different methods, a subject of interest to the Council of Mages.
These three plots (revenge, TV show, and killer ants) work together because Caleath is at the center and his response to the other two is 'leave me alone'.
I could nitpick some aspects of the plot (like how the villain installed his assassins as authority figures in a backwater planet far from home) but my main beef with the plot involves the ending. I like my plots to have resolution. Regardless of whether or not they are part of a series I don't like plots that just end. This book stands on edge of that cliff.
COURTESY SPOILER WARNING
On the one hand, there is resolution in the initial conflict; the assassins. By removing his implant, Caleath has rendered himself legally dead and so the magical compulsion driving the assassins has deactivated. That part of the plot is closed; they still want to kill him but for other reasons. Also, since the beacon can't teleport him off the planet he is stuck in exile which closes the 'escape' conflict of this book. On the other hand, the rangers still want to kill him, the villain is still tormenting Caleath, the giant ants are still ravaging the planet, and the book ends with Caleath in the same position as he started; running and plagued with guilt.
It makes more sense to consider the events from the prospective of someone watching this story in-universe. They see the end of an episode instead of the end of a book. If this is shown in real time, then there is no end at all. As the end of a book, it annoys me.
END SPOILER WARNING
Characters
Caleath is a complicated anti-hero; rude, paranoid, not necessarily interested in helping others but refuses to let anyone come to harm because of him. If not for his circumstances, he could be a straight up hero. Other characters receive less characterization. The wardens, for instance, are introduced in sequence and the best way to tell them apart is their order because there is only one trait that makes them different from the others. Rybolt's subtitle is 'Caleath's best friend' because he has nothing else. Penwryt is a guy I like; the old wise wizard archetype and his affable sense of humor. The contrast between this genuinely friendly wizard and Caleath's distrust of all magic users is another point in the plot's favor; conflict is created despite both sides being unambiguously good people. The only truly bad thing I have to say about the characters here concerns Nasith.
She is introduced as a historian, a capable fighter, and a respected enough figure in her community to be their representative at a Summit meeting. Then she's kidnapped by Caleath and suffers the dreaded Chickification. She cares less about the Summit (which is going to discuss the survival of the world) then about clinging to Caleath the further the plot continues. She relies on him to do the fighting and becomes borderline hysterical over having her fortune told. The fact she was under some sort of spell at the time does not make it rankle any less because it continues the trend and the trend does not stop after the spell was supposedly removed. Stockholm Syndrome sounds too romance-novely for this story and in any case it settles in too quickly and she has a quick opportunity to rejoin the rangers and go to the Summit.
Setting
The most intriguing aspect of this story's setting is the interplay of science and magic. Most stories that have a space age protagonist drop on a pre-industrial world involve a heavy use of Clarke's Third Law. Anything from the protagonist's technologically advanced homeworld will be called 'magic' on the other world but that is not the case here. Caleath's society not only has magic side by side with super tech but it is the same kind of magic as this 'primitive' society. Thus, it can be confusing as to what is is genuine magic and what is technology-that-is-easier-to-call-magic but I find this more interesting than confusing.
Prose
The vast majority of the story is written in Beige Prose, which I appreciate. My biggest pet peeve is word cruft/purple prose. I like the short and concise sentences used by Miss. Skinner.
Rank
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath) a C.
Click here for the next review request: Exile's Violin.
Click here for the previous review request: Flames of Ether
Plot
The story begins with Caleath crash landing on a pre-industrial planet and dodging assassins sent by the villain on his way to a beacon that will teleport him off the planet so he can kill the villain. Around him there are two plots that hedge his movements.
1.) On the galactic scale, Caleath is the unwilling star of a new reality show called Real Time. It's set up by the villain to make money off his suffering. His flight from ranger/wardens forms the plot of this show and they are all magically compelled to kill him to prevent a peaceful resolution.
2.) On a local scale (i.e. everyone else) there is a problem with giant ants. These creatures will make the planet uninhabitable within years and conventional methods have minimal affect on them. This makes Caleath, an alien with different methods, a subject of interest to the Council of Mages.
These three plots (revenge, TV show, and killer ants) work together because Caleath is at the center and his response to the other two is 'leave me alone'.
I could nitpick some aspects of the plot (like how the villain installed his assassins as authority figures in a backwater planet far from home) but my main beef with the plot involves the ending. I like my plots to have resolution. Regardless of whether or not they are part of a series I don't like plots that just end. This book stands on edge of that cliff.
COURTESY SPOILER WARNING
On the one hand, there is resolution in the initial conflict; the assassins. By removing his implant, Caleath has rendered himself legally dead and so the magical compulsion driving the assassins has deactivated. That part of the plot is closed; they still want to kill him but for other reasons. Also, since the beacon can't teleport him off the planet he is stuck in exile which closes the 'escape' conflict of this book. On the other hand, the rangers still want to kill him, the villain is still tormenting Caleath, the giant ants are still ravaging the planet, and the book ends with Caleath in the same position as he started; running and plagued with guilt.
It makes more sense to consider the events from the prospective of someone watching this story in-universe. They see the end of an episode instead of the end of a book. If this is shown in real time, then there is no end at all. As the end of a book, it annoys me.
END SPOILER WARNING
Characters
Caleath is a complicated anti-hero; rude, paranoid, not necessarily interested in helping others but refuses to let anyone come to harm because of him. If not for his circumstances, he could be a straight up hero. Other characters receive less characterization. The wardens, for instance, are introduced in sequence and the best way to tell them apart is their order because there is only one trait that makes them different from the others. Rybolt's subtitle is 'Caleath's best friend' because he has nothing else. Penwryt is a guy I like; the old wise wizard archetype and his affable sense of humor. The contrast between this genuinely friendly wizard and Caleath's distrust of all magic users is another point in the plot's favor; conflict is created despite both sides being unambiguously good people. The only truly bad thing I have to say about the characters here concerns Nasith.
She is introduced as a historian, a capable fighter, and a respected enough figure in her community to be their representative at a Summit meeting. Then she's kidnapped by Caleath and suffers the dreaded Chickification. She cares less about the Summit (which is going to discuss the survival of the world) then about clinging to Caleath the further the plot continues. She relies on him to do the fighting and becomes borderline hysterical over having her fortune told. The fact she was under some sort of spell at the time does not make it rankle any less because it continues the trend and the trend does not stop after the spell was supposedly removed. Stockholm Syndrome sounds too romance-novely for this story and in any case it settles in too quickly and she has a quick opportunity to rejoin the rangers and go to the Summit.
Setting
The most intriguing aspect of this story's setting is the interplay of science and magic. Most stories that have a space age protagonist drop on a pre-industrial world involve a heavy use of Clarke's Third Law. Anything from the protagonist's technologically advanced homeworld will be called 'magic' on the other world but that is not the case here. Caleath's society not only has magic side by side with super tech but it is the same kind of magic as this 'primitive' society. Thus, it can be confusing as to what is is genuine magic and what is technology-that-is-easier-to-call-magic but I find this more interesting than confusing.
Prose
The vast majority of the story is written in Beige Prose, which I appreciate. My biggest pet peeve is word cruft/purple prose. I like the short and concise sentences used by Miss. Skinner.
Rank
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath) a C.
Click here for the next review request: Exile's Violin.
Click here for the previous review request: Flames of Ether
Monday, April 1, 2013
Inspirational Monday! Trickster Archetype
The first Monday of every month is Inspirational Monday. Share something that inspires you so the rest can be inspired too.
This month is the Trickster Archetype. It is a universal figure in mythology that serves to explain why certain things are the way they are and/or to teach lessons by its behavior. They range from the Norse Loki to the Greek Hermes to the African Anasazi and the American Indian Coyote. I loved reading about these guys when I was a teenager, so, in honor of April Fool's Day, I decided to talk about tricksters.
Tricksters are the ones that shake things up, teach human new things, and always good for a laugh; at their expense or someone else's. They can be heroes that instigate plots (thereby averting Villains Act Heroes React) villains with the intelligence to drive complex plots, or a wild card that can be both and neither at the same time.
Loki is responsible for many misadventures in Norse Mythology, such as when he cut off Sif's hair as a prank which ultimately makes him responsible for the creation of Thor's hammer. He's also responsible for Ragnarok by getting Baldur killed and preventing his Resurrection. Likewise, Q from Star Trek is a modern incarnation of this archetype. He is either testing Picard's crew, having fun at their expense, or both at the same time. Neither of these characters are straight up villains and that's why I like using trickster-ish characters in my work; they're so diverse.
I don't have to go for a squeaky clean hero or a dark and gritty anti-hero but the mischievous guile hero. From the darkly humorous and cowardly to trickster mentor and the prankster, tricksters are all over the morality scale. In A Mage's Power, Tasio existed long before Eric, and looking back, I wish molded Eric's initial personality to be more like Tasio's instead of an archetypal loser. Before I discovered TvTropes, I didn't know how common (and annoying!) those were.
The most recent trickster character I've seen goes by the name of 'Discord', who is played by the same man as Q. I've watched videos of the two of them for inspiration.
This month is the Trickster Archetype. It is a universal figure in mythology that serves to explain why certain things are the way they are and/or to teach lessons by its behavior. They range from the Norse Loki to the Greek Hermes to the African Anasazi and the American Indian Coyote. I loved reading about these guys when I was a teenager, so, in honor of April Fool's Day, I decided to talk about tricksters.
Tricksters are the ones that shake things up, teach human new things, and always good for a laugh; at their expense or someone else's. They can be heroes that instigate plots (thereby averting Villains Act Heroes React) villains with the intelligence to drive complex plots, or a wild card that can be both and neither at the same time.
Loki is responsible for many misadventures in Norse Mythology, such as when he cut off Sif's hair as a prank which ultimately makes him responsible for the creation of Thor's hammer. He's also responsible for Ragnarok by getting Baldur killed and preventing his Resurrection. Likewise, Q from Star Trek is a modern incarnation of this archetype. He is either testing Picard's crew, having fun at their expense, or both at the same time. Neither of these characters are straight up villains and that's why I like using trickster-ish characters in my work; they're so diverse.
I don't have to go for a squeaky clean hero or a dark and gritty anti-hero but the mischievous guile hero. From the darkly humorous and cowardly to trickster mentor and the prankster, tricksters are all over the morality scale. In A Mage's Power, Tasio existed long before Eric, and looking back, I wish molded Eric's initial personality to be more like Tasio's instead of an archetypal loser. Before I discovered TvTropes, I didn't know how common (and annoying!) those were.
The most recent trickster character I've seen goes by the name of 'Discord', who is played by the same man as Q. I've watched videos of the two of them for inspiration.
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