Answering Review Request: Leah and the Jackhammer

Adam Ortyl asked me to read his novel "Leah and the Jackhammer". It's about a girl who goes into an abandoned mine in a mini mecha because a monster stole her semi-sapient stuffed bear. It was darker than I thought it would be but more on that later. I will examine plot, characters, polish and then assign a grade.

 

PLOT

 

Overall I have good things to say about the plot.  It has character driven conflict, a well developed mystery, and a satisfying conclusion. However, I have issues with certain scenes that feel like padding and scenery description can be vague. 

First of all it develops organically; Leah goes into the mine with an objective, she accomplishes it, and in the process starts on a second one. Always she is driven by her own desires. "Prove I'm not a demon" is a compelling emotional background and is backed up by her actions. This keeps the plot on track and believable.

 

 While she travels into the mine's depths, she unravels the mystery of its abandonment. One hundred or so years ago, all the miners vanished without a trace and to this day no one knows what happened. Leah puts the pieces together as she pilots the Jack-hammer through lizard monsters (gnasher) and human monsters (Saggah). It unfolds bit by bit until the climax. 

The Reveal isn't shocking and it shouldn't be. In my opinion, I'd rather read something along the lines of "I KNEW IT!" than "Where'd that come from?"  I'm not a fan of Shocking Swerves for the sake of originality but that's for other posts. The bottom line is that this story does a good job of building up to the reveal instead of trying to keep the reader in the dark the whole time.  

The darkness I mentioned earlier comes from the Saggah's society. It is bloody and grimy and just-human-enough to be especially disturbing. (On Tvtropes we call this "Uncanny Valley"). Harold has to fight gladiator-style against monsters while the reader is constantly aware of the fact that the only thing between Leah and monsters is a thick sheet of glass.

Also, there's a theme of Corrupt The Cutie. A purple light attacks Leah early on and after that struggles with hatred that is 'not her own'.  She begins to enjoy the power and invulnerability the Jackhammer provides in the manner of a bully. As I read the book, I wondered if the previous miners were mutated by hatred and this purple light, and if Leah was going to turn into a Saggah.

 

I like the way the book's conflict is resolved.  For one, it was a surprise; a surprise separate from the main plot and yet still believable if one pays attention. For two, it neatly resolved a conflict that would have been difficult and messy to resolve otherwise. For three, with the same motion it points to the new conflict with a 'The Adventure Continues' vibe. It made me excited for a sequel.

 

However, I have more than good things to say about the plot. There is this one area that feels like padding because it does nothing for the plot. It's good for atmosphere and some character spotlighting but it drags on too long. There are things I'll mention under POLISH that bother me about it.
Also, the scenes with Harold don't do much for the plot either. One could cut them out and do little harm to the story. His scenes mostly serve to provide a glance at a society (indeed it's existence at all) that becomes important but even in that case it is background information.  

 

 

CHARACTERS

 

Leah is a girl ostracized by her community because of her glamour, I.E. magic. She has a running character arc of 'Am I a human girl or a demon' and it is her determination to prove that she is the former that makes her the hero of this story. Mr. Ortyl uses the Jackhammer's fights to illustrate the hatred/killing (demon) vs compassion/restraint (girl) struggle within her. However, she still a child so she makes mistakes and has problems immaturity and impulsiveness.

 

Sir Ursa makes a good sidekick.  On one hand, he is more alive than a mere animated stuffed toy and thus similar to a familiar like a witch would use. However, he's at all times a voice of reason and regularly advises Leah to show caution and restraint, thus making her more a girl than a demon, and yet, like he himself says, he is part of Leah and cannot believe anything about her that she, deep down, does not believe about herself.

 

Harold serves little purpose in the plot other than starting the mine conflict, but I liked how he developed. He's a little kid whose a bully because something bad happens when he tries to be nice and it's implied that his father is abusive. The fact that Leah calls him "Fat Butt" (a hated nickname) before he bullies her each time help prevent him from becoming a flat antagonist.  I don't know how the bad blood between him and Leah started but she contributes to its progression. The book points out a couple times that he would rather be nice than mean but nice rarely works out for him.

 

 

Finally, the villain is a good character.  Mr. Ortyl gives them a surprising amount of characterization before formally introducing them. They perform their role in the plot well; just the right mix of evil and sympathy to make the final confrontation mean something. The sense of mystery about them is part of the book's appeal so I won't say any more about them.

 

 

POLISH

 

I didn't see any problems with grammar or spelling or word cruft. That's always a plus.  The problem I mentioned earlier in PLOT is that some scenes are hard to follow for a lack of description in the environment.  One of the battle scenes with the monster lizards sounded like a long string of the Jackhammer wadding through them to do things and so I didn't feel the urgency.

 

 

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Leah and the Jackhammer" a B.

Click here for the next review request: "Welcome to Harmony"

Click here for the previous review request "Dark Space"

Fake Difficulty Plot

As a writer myself, seeing other writers holding back the heroes in any manner is one of my pet peeves. It feels like padding and a waste of my time. If the heroes are weaker or stupider than the villains or if they refrain from taking some action that could resolve the plot it makes my blood boil because I do not tolerate such things in my own writing. I do my best to think of how my heroes could best resolve a given conflict, and, if such a solution is within the bounds of their characterization, to implement such a solution regards of what it does to my plot. This is because the plot will be stronger for it.

"Holding Back the Phlebotnium" as Tvtropers call it, feels awkward and weak. It is comparable to a story having termites to allow the villain to march to victory only for the heroes to suddenly stop them at the climax. If examined too closely, the whole thing collapses.  The climax of such a story is liable to fall flat because it feels like the author took their foot off the hose instead of writing a truly engaging and challenging villain.

I've often said that plots should be driven by characters instead of characters driven by their plots because this is one of the pitfalls that is avoided.

On Tvtropes this is one of the things they snark at. It is prime snark bait for sarcastic tropers to point out this sudden weakness or lack of intelligence and state how convenient it is for the villain to fulfill their Evil Plan. The same goes for overly powerful heroes but this one comes up more often because if the heroes are over powered from the start then the story will be very short.

Indeed, I recognize how important it is to make the villain a credible threat and that if they were foiled quickly than the story would end in the first act. However, is it too much to ask for a villain that advances to the final act to match wits and powers with equally capable heroes?  I want to see a tennis match; advantage tossing back and forth with each side accumulating victories and losses. The only time I want to see idiots battling idiots is in a comedy; in which case I don't care who wins because I'll be more interested in the slap-stick and jokes.

I had such a problem myself with the first draft for the third (yet unnamed) book in the Journey to Chaos series. I was holding back both sides (hero and villain alike) in order to make the scene shorter and neater and make some stupid Honor Before Reason style point. Looking back I thought it was ridiculous and rewrote it. This is a crucial point in the chess game; one of those 'turning points/ decisive battles' you hear about in history and so it stood to reason that neither side would hold anything back. Thus, I had my hero use the full extent of his magical power and my villain unleash all their resources. Not only was this more fun to write but it makes more sense in terms of characterization and comes to a sharp, decisive, point. The former meandered around and fell flat.

Instead of dumbing down the heroes, make the villain smart enough to outwit them at their best. Instead of forcing the villain to trip at the finish line, make their defeat the culmination of a story's worth of heroic efforts. Instead of being snark bait, you'll be praise bait.

Appearance with a Purpose

Appearance can go a long way to provide characterization. This is because there are visual cues that are associated with certain behaviors or personalities. For instance there's Smart People Wear Glasses, Pink Means Feminine, and Red And Black And Evil All Over. At a glance, these traits provide instant characterization (this person is smart/feminine/evil etc). All this is great for a visual medium like television or a video game but what is a writer supposed to do?

Everything must be described to the reader and no reader wants to read three paragraphs about a character's outfit. This leads to things like Wall of Text and Costume Porn.  Thus a writer must be selective with the words they use to give them the greatest effect. This is known The Law of Conservation of Detail; Every detail given is important.

We've all heard of Chekhov's Gun right? It fits with the importance of meaning in someone's appearance. Do not put a parasol into someone's hands on a regular basis unless you want to emphasis a lady-like demeanor, a peculiar choice of weapon, both, or something else. Do not give someone a mantle unless you want to give the impression of a commanding presence,trying to look like they have a commanding presence, some local fashion, all of the above or none of the above. The important thing is that the thing (whatever it is) serves a purpose.

Sometimes this purpose is about appealing to something the audience is thought to like. Tvtropes has many (in my opinion too many) tropes describing such appearance-for-appeal traits. They are organized under 'rules' where the appearance trait (among other things) is included in the work of fiction because the given trait has the given appeal. These rules include The Rule of Cool, Rule of Glamorous, Rule of Sexy, etc. However, even here where the trait's primary purpose is appealing to the audience these tropes can improve characterization by allowing these traits to inform the character's personality or contrasting with their personality.

In my Looming Shadow revision I've used these tropes to highlight contrasts between characters or bring a certain personality trait into focus. I believe it will help the reader immerse themselves in the story. To read more about Painting the full picture, click here

Answering Review Request: "Dark Space"

Jasper Scott asked me to review his novel 'Dark Space'. A pilot named Ethan is so deep in debt to a crime boss that he and his co-pilot face death if they don't do him a 'favor'; sabotage a space fleet that serves as the only form of government in an otherwise lawless district of space. I will examine plot, characters and polish and then assign a grade.

PLOT

I like the plot. It has a quick yet steady progression so that it feels neither thin nor thick. It's like pizza crust and just as tasty.

The escalation of the plot is exciting; what begins as evading a dangerous debtor moves to higher and higher stages as more of Brondi's Evil Plan unfolds. Everything is character driven. I love seeing how Ethan attempted to uphold his end of the bargain with Brondi yet the same time screw him over while Brondi planned for this behavior.

Another point in the book's favor is that there are no idiot balls. Ethan does the best he can with what he has and Brondi does likewise; considering he's one of the big whigs of Dark Space this means he has a lot to use.

There's a great deal of world building. For instance there's the backstory of the Sythian war that informs the plot but has no direct relation to it; fascinating, and better still, it doesn't bog the plot down. There's just enough detail about the ships and the nature of the society to paint a picture without a five page spread about anti-matter or some other facet of society.

The ending hits that sweet spot between 'resolving conflict' and 'leaving conflict open' that gives a reader closure for the book but at the same time makes them excited about the next book. All too often I see a writer attempt something like this only for the attempt to fall flat; it looks vain, goading, or lazy, like there's a chapter missing. That's not the case here. Instead there's a sense of 'phase 1 complete-press x for phase 2' sort of thing.

　
CHARACTERS

Despite how good the plot is, it is the characters that truly sell it.
Ethan is a terrific example of how to make an anti-hero without resorting to Dark and Edgy characterization. It's easy to tell that he is a good man but the Crapsack World nature of Dark Space means he has to resort to dishonest means and extreme tactics to stay alive and make ends meet. Similarly, Alara is terrific as his foil being younger and overall more cheerful than him but is still her own character. There was a moment when I thought she was going to become a Deuteragonist instead of a sidekick.

Alec Brondi is delightfully despicable. On one hand I admire his cunning, his Faux Evilly Affable demeanor, his avoidance of traditional villain pitfalls like over-confidence or taking things too personally, and the grandiose scale of his Evil Plan. On the other hand, he's such a loathsome creep that I'm looking forward to Ethan blowing his brains out.

The crop of lesser and supporting characters are also good. As with the world building, there is a balance between making them more then walking names and info dump that slows down the plot.

　
POLISH
The polish is pretty good overall. I didn't see much in the way of grammar/spelling problems;certainly not enough to affect the grade. More importantly, there is no word cruft. This provides that crisp, polished, feel that makes the sentence-by-sentence nuts and bolts of the story appear so professional.

I have nothing constructive to say. Since I became a volunteer book reviewer, this is the second full length novel that I have awarded the following score to.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Dark Space" an A+

Click here for the next review request: "Leah and the Jackhammer"

 

Click here for the previous request: "Dynasty O'Shea"

Answering Review Request: "Dynasty O'Shea"

Clarissa Cartharn asked me to read her novel "Dynasty O'Shea". It's about the O'Shea family reclaiming their kingdom from a usurper. I will examine plot, characters, and polish, and then assign a grade.

PLOT

A lot goes into world building. The leprechaun newspaper (both comedic, plot relevant and simply interesting) the Cider festival, (a rare truce zone) and the legends of the Tsez Xian which sound like something out of a creation myth. When an author goes to these lengths to develop their world it is always a big plus in my book.

I also give kudos to Miss. Cartharn for keeping the parents relevant in the main plot; indeed Jack (the dad) is the hero of this story. All too often with this premise the parents are killed off or pushed to the background so their child can take the spotlight. To me that smacked of escapism and the plot suffered for it but that's not a problem here. All of them stay relevant so one can say that the O'Shea family as a whole is The Protagonist.

However, the plot itself feels empty. Part of the reason for this that the O'Shea family participates in three main events towards reclaiming their throne; go to the Tsez Xian village, recruit them, then final battle. The rest of the story is filled with minor and inconsequential plot threads.
1. Forycdes running back and forth with messages while wondering about Jack O'Shea. This guy is a minor character (his role in the plot is tantamont to a Spear Carrier) and he has screen time comparable with the O'Shea family and his own love triangle.
2. The witches. They appear out of nowhere for their own scene entirely separate of the O'Shea family before meeting with them. Their 'shared apprentice plot' is entirely separate from the main 'reclaim the kingdom' plot because the witches don't care about politics or thrones and Draviador is too afarid of wtiches to attack them. One could remove it and the rest of the story (save one event in the climax) would be unaffected.
3. Blackburn has a third plot arc based on revenge for Jack humiliating him in the first act. He never follows up on this.
4. One of the O'Shea kids helps a squirrel family rescue a bunny from coyotes. It has nothing to do with the main plot and does nothing to progress anything.

There's so much back and forth I don't feel the rise of tension or plot build up. The climax falls flat for this reason (among others). My inner editor wanted to cut them all out.

A third reason is  a clumsy case of Holding Back the Phlebotinum. The O'Shea family intiailly reach the world by using a magic pendant. As soon as they arrive they hide the pendant on the justification that they can't let the villain find it. Then they forget it about except for an offhand mention late in the story. If they used this they could skip all the traveling and have an easier time breaking into the villain's fortress. The story would be much shorter, and in my opinion, better because all the traveling was uneventful and thus boring.
Other than this one case there are no idiot balls. If someone does something ill-advised it springs from their character instead of the needs of the plot. For instance, When David jumps into battle against professional adult soldiers it's because he has been training in martial arts for years and wants his family to stop doubting his skills.

Finally, I appreciate the how Miss. Cartharn ended the story. The conflict is resolved and there is plentiful of poetential for future stories. In fact, a number of sequel hooks are dropped in the epilogue.

Characters

The characters are all right. Most of them have distinct personalities and good development but others do not and they include main characters. There are three reasons for this. 1.( The fragmented nature of the plot above; there is not enough time spent with all the characters to develop them sufficiently. 2.)  Inappropriate allocation of screen time. As mentioned above, a spear carrier has the same amount of screen time as the main characters and even gets his own subplots in discovery and love triangle. 3.) The characters with good development don't feel developed until near the end because all the other plot lines pushed these secenes far apart.

The villains get two paragraphs to themselves. First we have the Big Bad, Dravidor. He is a flat and almost non-existant character because he does very little. Other usurping, which is related second hand, I don't know why this guy is so evil. The only evil deed he does is a I Have You Now My Pretty to Rachel O'Shea in the climax and even this is so rushed and trite that I feel it was shoehorned.

The villains as a hole have this problem. Blackburn is introduced early and has a vandetta against the hero but he does nothing. Despite looking for Jack he never finds him nor causes any reoccuring trouble. Then there's Major Scuddorf who is introduced late, does absolutely nothing, and is killed off uncremoniously off screen. I wonder, why bother including him?

On the plus side,  The O'Shea family grew on me by the end. Aly especially because she gained a unique talent (bear friend) and a foil in the third act that distinguishes her from her brothers. I'd like to see a story where they each have more screen time.

I also like the witches. Miss. Cartharn does a much better job of quickly developing the three witches and their shared apprentice than other characters. Their personalities are distinct, their subplot is more developed, and their interactions are more fun. If she were to write a sequel based on them I would love that.
　
　

Polish

Over all this is pretty good. There's rarely an error with spelling or grammar and the only word cruft is understandable, i.e, in the teenager dialogue.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Dynasty O'Shea" a C+

Click here for the next review request: "Dark Space"

 

Click here for the previous review request. "Sister Margaret"

Gods and Demons in the Machine of the Story

This week I'm going to talk about a trope duality ; the Deus and Diabolus Ex Machina. These are Latin terms that mean "God in the Machine" and "Demon in the Machine" respectively. Both of them describe a situation where the author takes a desperate/hopeful situation for the heroes and introduces a wild element that twists it in the other direction. They are two sides of the same coin. Whether this device is used to achieve a happy ending or a sad ending is irrelevant; both of them are bad writing practices because they show the hand of the author and create unfulfilling endings.

We all know that the hand of the author writes the story but we don't want to see it. It is distracting and cheapens the characters because it reminds the reader that they are less than puppets. If the reader cannot become invested in the characters then they don't care about what happens to the characters (i.e. the plot). There are occasions where they can be used in service to the plot (played for laughs, a post-modernist premise, etc) but generally speaking, readers do not want to be reminded of the author when immersed in the author's world. 

From another prospective, if the answer to a hypothetical question regarding the story is 'otherwise it would be too short/the author's point wouldn't be made' etc then the story is not compelling or developed enough to answer the question on its own.  Again, this can work depending on the genre and premise but isn't it much more fun to imagine how the character will solve their problem/fail to solve their problem instead of how the author can favoritize/screw them over?

Both Machina  lead to unfulfilled endings. On the Deus hand, all the struggles of the heroes and all the evil committed by the villains come to naught because some outside force decided to resolve everything itself. The reader is left feeling a sense of pointlessness and thinking that the author shoehorned a happy ending. On the Diabolus hand, the conflict of the story also comes to naught for the same reason but to a darker effect. The reader is left feeling that that the author is an asshole (to reader and/or the characters) or believes tragic endings are more 'artistic' or some nonsense. Whether good or bad, an ending should be the culmination of everything the story has been leading up to in order to create a sense of climax and resolution.  If the ending you want is at odds with the story written thus far, then the story should be rewritten instead of adding a hasty ending. Your readers will call foul otherwise.

(For another post on the merits of happy and sad endings, see "Earn Your Happy Ending"

These kinds of ass pulls are snark bait on Tvtropes and other parts of the internet. This is why it's so important to keep these two tropes in mind when approaching the ending. Whether it is happy or sad or open-ended, your readers do not want to see it butchered by either machina.

Answering Review Request: Sister Margraret

 Rhonda Parrish asked to read her anthology "Aphanasian Stories". It contains three stories of varying length but I chose to read.  "Sister Margaret". It is the shortest of the three and the one whose premise caught my attention: " A vampire hunter and a half-incubus swordsman are hired by a priestess to kill the undead pimp that is extorting, torturing and murdering vulnerable girls."

 I will examine plot, characters, and polish, and then assign a grade.

Plot


The plot here is condensed; about 10 pages. I like that because it has a 'routine job' air to it which gives it a great degree of grounding. While I enjoy prolonged epics as much as the next fantasy buff, they have a grandeur and dramatic nature that puts them at odds with day-to-day life. This kind of small scale over-and-done-in-a-day fantasy story has a laconic appeal; a lot of action and emotion compressed in a small time period.

I would like to use this opportunity to bring up the Rule of Drama. It is summed up by TvTropes as "If the potential for conflict is visible, then it will never be passed over."  This is why heroes encounter setbacks in their adventures and why the villain always had the advantage; more conflict-->more drama-->(ideally) more exciting story.  That is not the case here.  Michael goes in reasonably prepared (sufficient spell power, a partner) and with a simple and flexible plan. He accomplishes the job quickly and leaves. Sure it would look anticlimactic on screen and wouldn't fill an episode but it makes him look like a professional and a badass one at that. If Rhonda writes any more stories staring this guy, I'll buy them.

Finally, I like the classic structure. The Hero receives The Call to Adventure from a Priestess to slay what is (mystic structure-wise) a dragon to protect the local community. He collects supernatural aid, goes into the dragon's lair, slays the dragon, and returns to the priestess. Putting an urban fantasy on top of this time honored structure is a big hit with me.


Characters

I like Michael as the protagonist. First Person Narration without a frame narrative usually sounds weird to me but this works because of Michael's personality. He's given to reminiscing and his narration sounds more like thinking to himself than true narration. Also, like I said above, he appears a professional because of his planing and execution. Combined with his deadpan wit, makes the book a joy to read. I would sum him up in "another day, another job, another vampire".

The story's namesake, Sister Margaret, is surprisingly well developed considering her little screen time. I could discuss her character at length but it would be spoiler.  Suffice to say that she is much more complex than a typical Damsel Errant.


Polish

No problems here. I don't see spelling errors, grammar issues, or word cruft.


Trickster Eric Novels gives "Sister Margaret" an A+

Click here for the next review request Dynasty O'Shea

Click here for the previous review request: "Tears of Min Brock"

Answering Review Request: "Tears of Min Brock"

J.E. Lowder asked me to read "The Tears of Min Brock". It is the first book in the "War of the Whispers" saga between The King of Claire and the Cauldron of Ebon.  I will examined plot, characters, polish and then assign a grade.

PLOT
The plot follows the classic Hero's Journey. The hero (in this case, Elabea) receives the Call to Adventure and journeys into the Unknown World where they encounter Trials and Tribulations. The hero's goal is to arrive at their destination and then return with a boon for their people. In this case, Elabea wants to become a full fledged storyteller so she can inspire the people of her hometown and overturn Ebon's oppressive rule. This structure, plus the rich and enchanted setting Mr.Lowder has developed, give this story an epic and mystical air. It was a joy to follow her journey to Claire.

I also like Mr.Lowder's take on the Hero Of Another Story. Elabea is the main heroine but her journey is only 1/4 of the narrative. There are others working toward the overthrow of Ebon and facing their own trials and tribulations. To my surprise, the story doesn't feel cluttered because of this. Instead, they enrich the story. Perhaps this is because all four of them are different fronts in the War of the Whispers.

For a third point, I give Mr.Lowder props for making a christian fantasy without introducing a story breaker. It is nigh impossible to include a benevolent and omnipotent deity while maintaining dramatic tension but Lowder makes it work. The War of the Whispers is as much (or more) spiritual than it is physical. The journey enables Elabea and Galadin to mature and ward off the Cauldron's drone as they make their way to Claire, thus enabling them to become the heroes the world needs to overthrow Ebon. While Manno Vox could airlift Elabea to Claire or defeat all her enemies in place of Galadin, that would defeat the point of the journey; while Galadin defeats trained soldiers on his own without training because of The Only's presence, without personal courage and faith he would lose anyway.  It truly is a 'War of the Whispers', instead of a 'war of soldiers'.
　
However, I have two problems with this plot; an idiot ball in the backstory and a cliff hanger ending.
As for the backstory, Brairtok, the King of Ebon, decimated Claire's Army and killed its leader, Manno Vox, because of a deception that a military leader shouldn't have fallen for.  He pretended to have wagons of wounded troops and wanted to pass Manno Vox's lines, presumably to have them treated. Manno Vox allows him to pass without checking the wagons or demanding weapons or anything. Once in their midsts, the ebon soliders wipe out the Claire soldiers and Manno Vox is so shocked by this that Brairtok takes him out with a crossbow. On another occasion, the entire crop of story tellers, the best defense and weapon against Ebon, are given up for execution in exchange for Ebon to retreat from a location. Naturally, they don't retreat.

These two things are a problem because they undermine the premise. I think that if the people in the backstory weren't so stupid, then the bad guys wouldn't have taken over. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that Claire with so many soliders and so many storytellers and generally outclassing Ebon in all ways, could have lost so completely that everyone thinks the place is myth one generation later.

As for the cliff hanger ending. I despise cliff hanger endings because I see them as cattle prods. I don't ask for a neat package with a bow on it but I want a sense that this leg of the journey is over. I don't get that here. I feel like there's a chapter missing or an eplilogue that was never written.

It's because of these two problems that, as much as I like it, I can't give this book a perfect score.
　
　

CHARACTERS
　

The characters are complex are diverse. There are cynics, idealists, cynics who want to be idealists but can't manage it. There are warriors and jesters and badass animal companions and angels! It's a wide cast and Lowder does an admirable job developing them all. It's especially impressive because they don't form a single group and so they can't be developed simultaneously.

Newcomb's party has enough characterization and plot importance to be the main party and so are Elebea and Galadin's fathers back in their hometown and Il-Lilliad's quest for allies.
 
For a third point, the ebonites are not monolithically evil. They're still evil but in different ways. There are Punch Clock Villains working in the military, Brairtok has this 'glory and power seeker' thing, the Cauldron's Council have this 'evil priesthood' thing and the Cauldron itself is like some primordial First Evil.

　
POLISH
There is no word cruft, which is a 'delight'. Also no problems in terms of spelling or grammar. On another note, there are patches in the story that are written in all CAPS. I have no idea what this means so I ignore it.  Overall, there's good flow in this storyline.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Tears of Min Brock" a B+

Click here for the next review request: "Sister Margaret"

Click here for the previous review request: "The Apprentice"

Interview with Andy Straka

Today I have an interview to share with you all. Andy Straka is a veteran crime fiction writer; his seventh novel (Dragonflies: The Shadow of Drones) was published last month. He's come to Trickster Eric Novels to tell us about his book and his writing process.

 

1. Why Crime Fiction? 

Of all the novels I read as an English major in college the book that most
resonated with me was Raymond Chandler’s The  Big Sleep.  I suppose there might be any number of reasons for this resonance. Latent psychotic tendencies, perhaps?

But in all seriousness, I write crime fiction because I am passionate about it, and
I am passionate about it because crime fiction deals with issues of good vs
evil, justice and redemption. These subjects all seem vital and existential to
me and drive my stories.

2. Are there any authors who inspire you?

I’ve  been inspired by Raymond Chandler, Robert B Parker, Donald Westlake, J.R.R.
Tolkein, Michael Chabon, Dave Barry, Sharyn McCrumb, Brian Jaques, William
Gibson, Dennis Lehane, SJ Rozan, Dashiell Hammett, Andrew Klavan, Harlan Coben,
Jeffery Deaver, Sarah Strohmeyer, Steve Hamilton, Rick Riordan, George
Pelecanos, Robert Crais, Joyce Carol Oates, Megan Abbott, Kinky Friedman, C.J.
Box...The list goes on and on....

3. Did you always want to write fiction or did you have some other passion growing
up?

Growing up I mostly enjoyed sports, eventually focusing on basketball, devoting an
inordinate number of hours to the jump shot and crossover dribble. Reading and
writing were at best a secondary passion until I entered college, where I
continued to play basketball and also determined that, not being able to do much
else, I would major in English literature. I went on to make the
earth-shattering discovery that I, too, could try my hand at a little prose. But
it would be another fifteen in the business world before I would finally get
serious about writing.

I guess you can say I’m a slow learner.  

4. You have a long resume and writers often say one should one writer what one
knows. Does your experience at your other jobs inform your plots or characters?

Life and work experience influences everyone. For example, after more than a dozen years as a medical sales rep, my wife of many years, a practicing physician,
told me one day that I’d “learned enough about medicine to be dangerous.”

Writers are supposed to be dangerous, I think, dreaming up new things and cooking up stories to see how they all fit together. I’ve said on many occasions that I  don’t think writing what you know is as important as writing what you love. Writing requires passion first and knowledge second. You don’t need to have worked at a particular profession or have experienced a particular thing yourself in order to write about it or create believable characters. (If you have indeed worked at in a field you want to write about that may be all well and good, up to a point, in trying to sell what you write, but in my experience it can also prove a hindrance to creating good fiction.)

Regardless, the one essential requirement is that the writer must either already have or be able to develop a passionate interest in his or her subject matter. It’s passion that allows a writer to empathize with their characters, to “get inside their heads” to accurately portray their thoughts and emotions.

5.  Your most recent book, Dragonflies:  Shadow of Drones, involves tiny surveillance drones sneaking into private places. Is there social commentary here or is it simply the framework for a thrilling story?

Both.

Number  one, I believe in the power of storytelling.

 

I  became fascinated a few years back with drone technology and its potential
impact on our world, and I soon came to believe it could form a compelling, and
in many ways new, framework for storytelling. This especially applies to crime
and detective fiction.

What happens, for example, when investigators (perhaps in the very near future) have
micro drones at their disposal? This was the concept that fascinated me and out
of that grew the characters of Raina Sanchez and Tye Palmer.

At the same time, it’s impossible to ignore the potential societal and cultural
implications. For example, what if, instead of “Big Brother,” what we’re now
seeing begin to develop is the beginning of “Big Brothers?” What if everyone has
drones available to them and the entire concept of privacy begins to be lost?
(Any celebrity can tell us how that feels.)

We’ve become a culture that worships and aspires to celebrity. What if drones, just
like the Internet and Youtube, etc. become just one more tool, one more pathway
to potential instant celebrity as the world becomes flooded with more and more
images and more and more information from places and settings heretofore unseen?
When it comes to right vs wrong, truth vs lies, will drones bring us any closer
to redemption or in some perverse irony, push us farther away?

I don’t have any hard answers to these questions, but I know I want to continue to
try to tell stories within such a framework.

6. Dragonflies: Shadow of Drones is your seventh book. Do believe the writing process is easier
after so much experience?

It does get a little easier each time, at least as far as organizing the plot and
visualizing the entire book once I’m deeply into the story. But I’m always
striving to improve and I know I still have a long way to go. These days I’m
actually frustrated by an inability to tell all of the stories I want to tell. I
have far  more ideas than I have time to write. It’s making me more curious
about human cloning.....kidding :)

7. If you could only give one piece of advice to an aspiring author, what would you
say?

Read  all the time, write every chance you get, but make sure you get out there and
experience some real life, too. Take up falconry, climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, go to a
NASCAR race, or visit the Tower of London. Somewhere within the wealth of your
accumulated experience you’ll find a host of stories. 

 

--------------------------

Learn more about Mr.Straka and his work at http://andystraka.com/

"Dragonfiles: the Shadow of Drones" is available for sale at:

Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/Dragonflies-Shadow-Drones-Series-ebook/dp/B00CRNSBJU/ref=sr_1_9?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1368497102&sr=1-9&keywords=andy+straka

Barnes and Nobles

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dragonflies-andy-straka/1115297171?ean=2940016468068

Inspirational Monday! Earn Your Happy Ending

The first Monday of every month is Inspirational Monday. Share something that inspires you. This month's post is about the trope "Earn Your Happy Ending".
 
The trope describes a happy end (maybe a straight up Happily Ever After) that comes after a great deal of struggle and hardship and despair. I like these kinds of endings because they are indeed 'earned'. Also, they are a potent weapons against the tragedy freaks shouting True Art Is Angsty. *
 
These types of endings are inspiring because they say that 'No, you don't have to be miserable because of your circumstances' and  'yes, you CAN earn your happy ending'.  Only a cynic would say that tragedies or bittersweet is realistic. On the contrary, Earn Your Happy Ending is truer to real life because real people want to be happy. They wish for it and work at it. They don't strive for bittersweet unless it's ice cream.

Earn Your Happy Ending can contain all the deep introspection and all the thought provoking conflict and all the examination of the human condition and everything else tragedy is praised for but still end happily.
 
Are happy endings made from a cookie cutter? Yes, and so are tragedies. Depending on the writer's skill, a tragedy can be as bland and formualic as the 'light hearted comedies' they despise and said comedy can inspire more discussion and human reflection then a tragedy. 

Someone that Earns Their Happy Ending will have an end that is unique to them and this provides wide open creative freedom. Downer Endings can only come down in so many ways; the hero dies, he doesn't get the girl, his mission/goal fails, etc. There is nothing original or thought provoking about any of this. With Earn Your Happy Ending, you can determine the nature of the ending and avoid a 'cookie cutter' tragedy.  

Struggle, yes; conflict, of course; Despair and hardship, absolutely! These are the things that drive plots forward but one or all of these together does not preclude a happy ending. By enduring this struggle, facing this conflict,  and overcoming the despair and hardship, their struggle has meaning and it is this meaning that is the soul of the drama. Without a goal and the belief that this goal is, despite all odds, attainable, then the conflict is nothing but "a lengthy description of unremittingly unpleasant things happening to someone." (as said on Darkness Induced Audience Apathy)

All of the above take place in the writing process: struggling to get the plot on paper, conflicts with time and energy, despair from horrid drafts or negative feedback, but never let this distract you from your goal; the finished, published product. The journey may be long and hard but the book will be finished, it will be fantastic, and readers will flock to it.  With enough patience and effort, any writer can Earn Their Happy Ending!
 
(For help avoiding un-earned endings of all sorts read  "Gods and Demons in the Machine of the Story")

*I have nothing against tragedy itself but I can't stand forced tragedy. If an author relies on plot holes, contrived coincidences, or idiot balls to make an ending tragic or bitter sweet then their character are derailed and their plot is cheapened.

Answering Review Request: The Apprentice

Matthew Hall asked me to read his novel "The Apprentice". It's about a knight-ninja apprentice who has to escort a noble lady to his own country's capital city where her groom, his boss, is waiting for her. I will analyze the story in terms of plot, characters, and polish, and then assign a grade.

PLOT
Allow me to list the reasons why I like this story:

It's an unorthodox plot because there is no central villain. In another story with this premise there would be a Big Bad sending out organized mooks to abduct the Damsel In Distress in order to prevent the wedding for some nefarious purpose.  Instead, it's a simple escort mission besot by garden variety bandits. The main conflict is internal; Artamos' struggle with self-control, Leona's struggle with her lack of freedom, Falita's desire of a better life etc.  It's more down-to-earth because of this and so the characters feel more real.

There's a role playing game feel to this story for a couple reasons. The first is that the bandit attacks aren't part of an organized gang and so they come off as random encounters; the second is 'escort a noble lady' sounds like a mission for a main plot or a side quest. Being a fan of Final Fantasy, this is another check on my list of positives.  

The cherry on top is the ending. It fully resolves the story's conflict while remaining open to any number of future stories.

CHARACTERS
The characters are diverse and well rounded. There's Artamos, heroic and dedicated to his order but still struggles with things like hormones and isn't an unbeatable fighting machine. There's his mentor Rizz, who has great wit and a mentor's gravitas. Falita makes a great contrast to them with her desire for creature comforts and her substantially greater blood thirst. Leona contrasts them all because she's a noble lady and they are (essentially) ninjas.  While she's introduced as a traditional Beautiful-Inside-And-Out-Lady she's more devious and rebellious than that.

On another level, there's jurisdiction friction between the Black Knights and the more traditional plate mail knights but the latter are not made into jerkasses for the sake of drama. I appreciate that because it made those knights more like characters in their own right instead of plot props. Like I said earlier, they feel more real because the plot doesn't force them to be something else.

 The Black Knight Organization gets a paragraph to itself.  They're like medieval black ops; they focus on stealth and scouting and hidden bodyguards duties. Because they answer directly to the king, there's a great deal of secrecy about them. In the sequel sample, one character describes them as 'stepping out of shadows'.  

POLISH
This is the only area where the book losses points. There are a number of spelling errors; 'waste' instead of 'waist' and 'heal' instead of 'heel'. Also, some of the combat scenes have comma splices which occasionally makes them hard to follow. Over all it's minor; nothing an editor couldn't fix and Mr.Hall has informed me that he has proofreaders working on it.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Apprentice" an A

Click here for the next review request: "Tears of Min Brock"

 

Click here for the previous review request: "Immortality Blues"

 

Inspirational Monday! Tvtropes and Patience

Technically the first Monday of every month is inspirational Monday but I forgot this month because the first Monday was the sixth. So instead I'm doing it on the last Monday of the month. Surprise!

This is another one about tvtropes. The last one was about Tvtropes curing a writer of delusions of originality. ( You can read it here) This one is about how it can teach patience. As seen in the quote at the top of this blog, it will be framed in the duality of Creation and Destruction.

When writing and especially revising, the writing process can be frustratingly slow. Sentences sound like trash, the scenes come out awkward, and every revision reveals more typos and more areas to improve. Tvtropes is a terrific place for learning the finer points of revision and developing the patience to endure them.

As a volunteer book reviewer I create tvtropes pages for books if I like them enough. I recommend all authors do this because filling up a trope page forces one to think about the nuts and bolts of storytelling. The plot and characters and setting are compartmentalized into aspects such as "The Chessmaster", "The Reveal", and "Medieval Stasis". Individual scenes are sorted into exposition, awesome, and nightmare fuel.  Analyzing a story and researching tvtropes long enough to accomplish this requires a time and continuous effort and so it will help you develop patience. Furthermore your knowledge of storytelling will expand and your understanding of storytelling will increase.

As a volunteer wiki editor I skim tvtropes pages looking for misuse and incorrect formatting. This involves looking for incorrect trope usage, gushing, natter (conversations outside of forums) and other things.  I call it training from hell for an author because it is boring, monotonous, frustrating, and there can be a thousand and one tiny things wrong with a badly misused page.  After a list of five hundred where you have to wade through a sea of stupidity and complaining and gushing where each wick could be misuse for five other tropes, revising one's own story looks easy and relaxing in comparison.

Revising and Rewriting

Right now I'm in the process of revising the sequel to A Mage's Power, Looming Shadow. I've been stuck in chapter 8 for a while now because I'm doing more rewriting than revising. I finished the first draft years ago and I have revised it several times since then; I added 1/3 onto its length to improve the plot and better explain important events. Now I'm going through it line by line and I've found heaps of stuff to expand on, detail, and otherwise, improve.

Victoria Grefer, over on  Creating Writing with the Crimson League,, likes to quote Stephen King and his 'two month rule'. It states that a writer should stay away from a WIP for two months before looking over it for revision so they look at the story with a fresh mind. I believe this to be true. There is no other explanation for why I missed so much in my previous drafts; I usually wait two days.

The second chapter, for instance, looked like a glorified outline. I couldn't believe it when I read it last month because I had read so many times before. I went to work adding sensory detail to this scene, and adding this other scene wholesale so this new town will be consistent in culture and technology with another town in the first book. I discovered new potential for character relationships that worked fantastically as foreshadowing for later events. I wanted to smack myself for missing something that, in retrospect, was obvious.

I feel as if I am rewriting the book instead of revising it which will put me at an earlier stage in the writing process which means more revision to come which means it will take longer to publish which is frustrating. Hopefully the rest of the story won't require the same level of revision but if that's what that's what it takes then that's what I'll do. Making the story the best it can be is the point of this step in the writing process.

Answering Review Request: Immortality Blues

The author requested that I delete my review because he no longer wished to be associated with it. I can understand that given the nature of the book in question.


Click here for the next review request: The Apprentice (Rogue)

Click here for the previous review request: Exile's Violin

The Hero of Another Story

Some weeks ago I wrote a post about Avoiding Tunnel Vision when writing a novel. (You can read it here). This post is related to that and takes its name from TvTropes.  The core of the trope is as follows (taken from the trope's page itself as seen here).

 

"The writers give the impression that this character is having just as many adventures as the hero, only offscreen. In other words, they're the Hero of Another Story."

 

The test of this trope is asking if this person could be The Protagonist instead of the one you have chosen and saying 'yes'.

 

This trope is a useful tool in avoiding Tunnel Vision because it helps break the idea that the hero is the only hero.  There are other heroes and they are having other adventures in other places. Simply alluding to these places and adventures will develop the world of the main characters. Adding one of them will force you to think about what is happening outside the main characters' sight and you will know more about the plot as a whole. All of this will enhance the main narrative because you have created the Full Picture.

 

From a Watsonian POV, The Hero of Another Story is also great for the helping the reader maintain their Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

1. You don't have to force your reader to accept that the Rag Tag Bunch of Misfits can defeat the Evil Empire all by themselves because there  are OTHER heroes working towards the cause.

2. The team can be modified as needed to suit a story arc by slipping in one member or another. A Six Ranger can drop in to help out on this particular mission and then go do something else that's necessary to advance the cause (and by this, advance the plot). By contrast, one or more members of the group can go help that person while the remaining heroes focus on the events that the reader will see. If this is done well then it will give the story a broader scope and a wider world, but if you're not careful it will become Put On A Bus.

3. They can arrive to save the main heroes and it won't (if handled appropriately) appear like a deus ex machina because the reader knows that they are out there and that they are just as competent as the heroes themselves.

 

My own experience with this trope is why I recommend it so highly.

 

Part of the pre-writing for A Mage's Power involved filling the guild Eric would join.  The Dragon's Lair is a mercenary guild so I thought it would be odd if there weren't other mercenaries going on missions and making money so I created a list; their names and abilities and personalities. This provided me with a pool of characters to draw from and allowed me to avoid the idea that no one else was doing anything. They gave the perception that there are mercenaries in this organization that have lives outside of their relation to Eric and roles in the plot that do not connect directly to Eric. Furthermore they gave the organization character and life. Instead of a plot device for building Eric's confidence and magical power, it is its own place and Eric happens to be part of it. I wish I could have done more with them which leads to my final point: Fanfic Fuel.

 

I got my start in writing fiction from writing fan fiction. I spotted a potential in the canon of the story I watched and used that to develop my own story within that canon.  It was a lot of fun. My point is that readers love fanfic fuel. After finishing a story, my first thought is to look up fanfics to prolong my enjoyment of the story and see what others have come up with. By including a Hero Of Another Story you provide them with a wealth of possible adventures just waiting to be written.

For related topic to the Hero of Another Story, click here for "What is going on off-screen"


Brian Wilkerson is a freelance book reviewer, writing advice blogger and independent novelist. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration).