Beginner Frustration after Thirteen Years

This is a stream-of-consciousness post that I wrote last week during a moment of writing angst. Revisions to my current WIP are taking longer and have been more difficult than I expected, which prompted this outlet into a different form of writing. 

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Ten years. thirteen years. I lose track. I have to count them up every flippin' time. It is about thirteen years. In any case, it is over a decade since I started writing original fiction. YET I STILL FEEL LIKE A BEGINNER.

Story building. Conflict. Character construction. perspective. the art of prose. Just laying words on the page. All of it is still so... immature. I read it and it is half-baked. 

I'm not talking about first draft material. First draft material is crap. It is always crap. I don't mind if the first draft is crap. I'm talking about fourth draft material.

The fifth book of my Journey to Chaos series is in its fourth draft. To be precise, it is the second rewrite of the fourth draft. The first version of the first rewrite collapsed in on itself about 2/3 of the way through. I realized that the story I had written could not sustain itself. So many errors, it was like rotten wood. I had to create a second rewrite, which is something I've never had to do before.  Did I mention this was my fifth book? 

My fourth book was also a disappointment. I re-read it now and I'm amazed I published this thing. Maybe "horrified" is the better word. Maybe I'm over-reacting. I don't think it is a bad story, but poorly executed. It's like I published the second draft. 

I saw myself as getting better with each book. I think the second is better than the first and the third better than the second. Then I come to #4. Now I'm struggling with #5 in a way that I haven't before. Was I just lucky with earlier books? Am I only now, after thirteen years, developing actual skill as a writer? 

When I read the work of superior authors, I was happy to see how much better they were. I could learn by example. It was a mindset of "I'm new at this, so I will learn from those older and more experienced". Now, thirteen years later, how can I still see myself as new? 

I thought I'd have more books written and published by now. I have so many plots that I want to write, yet I remain in my first series. I want to finish this series so I can move on, but if I look to horizon then I stumble on the stones in my path. I don't want to put out another stinker, especially not two in a row. 

I'm not a professional author. I do it in my spare time. I have a day job. The amount of time I have to write before I die of old age is already limited. Yet so much of it is lost on rewrites, overhauls, and extra drafts because I lack skill, or awareness, or even the capacity to plan.

Planing has never worked for me. I want to plan events and story lines so I can be more efficient and avoid so much rewriting. Yet, it has never worked. The actual writing is never what happened on the outline (maybe not "never" but rarely).

Thirteen years, and four books. Now I'm writing this blog post. 

It hurts, somehow to see better storylines, better direction, better execution. It's like "I see how they did that, I know how it works, so why can't I do it myself?" Or maybe it is like "how did I not see that over thirteen years? Have I been a blind man stumbling through all this time, and just now actually seeing?"  That would be luck. 

Maybe I should be glad that I do notice those things. If I were to remain blind, I would not see how bad my writing is, and it would remain so.
Hey
I just remembered a quote. "it is far better to light the candle than to curse the darkness". Quote Investigator says this is originally part of a sermon from William L Watkinson. 

That is what I should focus on.

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Adding this part to the end of each post has become a non-thinking habit. But this time, adding it makes me feel better.

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Spice and Wolf: Town of Strife 1 - v 8 (read for fun)

This is an unusual volume for many reasons.

For one, it is the first two-parter. I will say right now that it ends in a cliff-hanger. Normally, I do not like this but I am willing to give Hasekura-sensei a pass on this one because he addressed it in his author's notes. He tried to fit it all in one volume, but the story was too big for this to work. He would have to remove so much the story would not make sense or have the same impact. As an author myself, I totally understand that.

This volume is also unusual is that it has more than one plot thread. Previous volumes had one economic thing with Holo's search being in the background. Here, the two of them are on more equal footing. The trio of Lawrence, Holo and Cole are following a rumor of wolf deity bones primarily but are also dragged into a local economic thing, which has a lot more facets than I am used to. To be frank, I couldn't follow this one as well as the previous volumes.

I think this is because the volume's economic plot is bigger and more complicated than previous plots. It involves the town's administrative leaders, the HQ of the Rowan merchant's guild, of which Lawrence is a member, at least two other trading companies, Eve the fallen noble, the church as an intra-continental organization, and a mystery party that supposedly has already obtained the wolf deity bones. Making this all the more complicated, the town is split twin-cities style into north and south, with pagans dominating the north and non-pagans the south.
Indeed, I get the felling that Lawrence himself is having trouble following this particular economic adventure because he is caught-off guard more than usual and a good chunk of the plot is him collecting information and sending Holo and Cole out to fetch more separate from him, all so that he can determine what is going on. In that case, my confusion is a Intended Audience Reaction.

There is greater lore here than in previous volumes. I feel I have a better mental image of the town of Kerube than I did of earlier towns because there is more scenic detail of the town itself and its delta. The surrounding countryside, too, is filled in with details like the Roam River (which was the setting of volume 6) and the Roef Mountains that it flows down from, and where Cole was born. We also get to see the trade guild that Lawrence belongs to, and his relationship to it is unexpectedly non-friendly.

For those seeking the usual banter between Lawrence and Holo, fear not! for in that way this volume is not unusual. There is plenty of verbal jousting here, particularly in the first chapter. The addition of Cole gives Holo additional means to tease and provoke.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Spice and Wolf: Town of Strife 1 -  v 8" a A+

Click here for my next book review: A Witch's Printing Office - volume 1

Click here for my previous book review: Ah! My Goddess! The Devil in Miss Urd


Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Ah! My Goddess! The Devil in Miss Urd (read for fun)

This appears to be a collection of sequential chapters from the main series. It follows the origins, creation, and aftermath of Mara creating a full-devil version of Urd. So Urd is basically the main character of this particular volume.

The meat of the story is Urd's complicated relationship with Mara. They are friends and they enjoy hanging out together for drinks and karaoke etc. but they're also enemies because of their respective jobs as a goddess and a devil. Mara's attempt to create a full-devil version of her friendly enemy could be an attempt at resolving this (it's implied this is the case when she talks to Urd at the time of the clone's creation).
Keichi and his relationship with Belldandy is very much a secondary thing here. It's like they're the domestic and romantic beta couple to the more turbulent friendship of Urd and Mara.

There's lots of sisterly love here too. Skuld is essentially tsundere to her oldest sister during the central chapters, which is adorable. The final showdown between devil!Urd and goddess!Urd can be compared to Urd's tendency for Big Sister Bully vs her Big Sister Instinct. Then, of course, Belldandy's concern and empathy for Urd is so sweet you will go "aww" at the climax.

Also, a limelight chapter for Ban-pei. That was fun, and unexpected.

The whole thing is suffuse with comedy, but these do not undermine the more action-y or suspenseful scenes. The chapters flow really well into one another, while still being fun in and of themselves.

Trickster Eric Novels gives "Ah! My Goddess! The Devil in Miss Urd" an A+

Click here for my next book review: Spice and Wolf: Town of Strife 1 - v 8

Click here for my previous book review: Hungry for You - Endo Yasuko Stalks the Night v2

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

Hungry for You - Endo Yasuko Stalks the Night v2 (read for fun)

This is a book I found at my local library. It looked like a romantic comedy staring a vampire, and I have seen few of those so I was intrigued.

Endo Yasuko, the vampire in question, is looking for her sire (the vampire that turned her into a vampire), who is supposedly also the one responsible for girls going missing in the area. However, this does not figure into most of the events of this volume. It seems largely to be slice-of-life to me. For instance,
*one chapter includes a visit from Shizune's parents (who is the roomate/"emergency rations" for Yasuko).
*one chapter includes Akira, a classmate, troubled by a smutty dream involving Yasuko (it doesn't go further than a kiss/bite while both of them are fully clothed).
*Yasuko reflecting on her past and visiting her childhood home, which is now a cultural landmark.
Finding the sire, and engaging with them, is the climax of the volume, and maybe for the story itself. It is a good climax and a good conclusion.

This sire makes for a great foil with Yasuko because her behavior underscores how healthy Yasuko's relationship with Shizune is in comparison.
Yasuko and Shizune are roommates. They share the apartment rent and household responsibilities. While Yasuko drinks Shizune's blood, it is only a little bit at a time to minimize the side-effects. In contrast, the relationship between Yasuko's sire and the missing girls is presented as abusive. This other vampire locks them up and drains them until they develop Stockholm syndrome and become malnourished husks. The parallels between intensive blood-draining and drug addiction are striking.

The artwork is good, but I occasionally had trouble determining whose speech bubble belonged to whom.

It is regularly funny, and has some touching moments. It is worth looking into if you like Shoujo-ai.


Trickster Eric Novels gives Hungry for You: Endo Yasuko Stalks the Night v2 a C+

Click here for my next book review: Ah! My Goddess! The Devil in Miss Urd

Click here for my previous book review: If It's For My Daughter I'd Even Fight a Demon Lord volume 2

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.

If It's For My Daughter I'd Even Fight a Demon Lord volume 2 (read for fun)

If It's For My Daughter I'd Even Fight a Demon Lord (volume 2)

I found this book at the local library. I liked the idea of the two leads being a guy and his daughter instead of love interests. It's a different sort of appeal, so I checked it out.
This review is for the manga version of volume 2. There is a light-novel version but I found the manga version.

It is cute. The artwork is cute, the events are cute and the relationship between the two leads is cute.
On one side, we have the doting-parent Dale who gushes about how adorable, sweet, and talented his daughter is, and on the other side we have the happily-adopted Latina, who cheerfully hugs him and loves doing nice things for him. One thing I thought was odd, though, is that while Dale refers to Latina as his daughter, she never refers to him as "my dad" or "father". Since I haven't read the first volume, perhaps I missed where that is established. Latina is of the demon race so maybe it has to do with the demon culture of this particular verse.

This volume includes several small events that do not appear connected, to me at least. These are Dale being away on a royal mission, Latina playing with other children, Dale teaching Latina beginner magic, discussions of food for a hot day, and why so many adventurers are suddenly so interested in the "lost cat" mission. I guess this is a slice-of-life series.

If you are interested in Sweet-Dreams-Fuel, then this is a good series to find some. There isn't much else to recommend it. All the events revolve around Latina and her activities so it is definitely a "cute girl doing cute things" sort of story. It is also rather short. I finished it in less than two hours.

Trickster Eric Novels gives
"If It's For My Daughter I'd Even Fight a Demon Lord volume 2" manga version a C+

Click here for my next book review: Hungry for you - Endo Yashuko Stalks the Night volume 2

Click here for my previous book review: Sword Art Online Progressive volume 1

Brian Wilkerson is a independent novelist, freelance book reviewer, and writing advice blogger. He studied at the University of Minnesota and came away with bachelor degrees in English Literature and History (Classical Mediterranean Period concentration). His fantasy series, Journey to Chaos, is currently available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback.